June 2024

fuzipenguin:

aphony-cree:

penfairy:

Smash that mf reblog button if you stoically ignore all labelled washing instructions and everything your mama ever told you about laundry and just send those bastards hurgling around in an overfilled tub to meet either death or glory

Something I learned from a costume designer: if an item can be washed multiple ways the designer is only legally obligated to put one of the ways on the tag, but if there’s only one way to wash that item they have to put Only on the instructions

If the tag says “Dry Clean” it’s safe to machine wash but the designer thinks it looks better if you get it dry cleaned 

But if it says “Dry Clean Only” you will destroy it if you wash it any other way

Reblogging for that last bit which this 37 yr old adult did not lnowy

itwashotwestayedinthewater:

i think theres something to be said about a group of people being addressed as “chat”. im not about to think about it too much tho

cryptotheism:

stardial:

stardial:

stardial:

it’s insane how quickly your life can just. suddenly improve. i used to be so miserable but now i own 5 swords

@cadaverkeys on it boss.

pictured is two rapiers, a fencing foil, a saber, and a rapier thats been shortened down <3

my arm hurts so much.

The five of swords. Heated competition, boastfulness, victory at any cost.

frightstricken:

if you say “as one does” after any phrase nobody’s allowed to think you’re weird anymore. cheat code bypass for all standards of social normalcy

batmanisagatewaydrug:

there’s that post going around that’s a short twit thread talking about “the obesity epidemic” as a result of economic oppression and everyone’s snapping their little fingers for it but like. you guys know that we achieved socialist utopia tomorrow there would still be fat people right. you guys know that genetics play a bigger role in that than anything else and that some people will just be fat regardless of every other factor in their life right. you guys know that’s fine right.

like idk I don’t think it comes from a purposefully fatphobic place and like yes it sucks a lot that the demands of capitalism deny people a lot of opportunities to cook or learn to cook and be more engaged and intentional about their food. but it has this flavor of “poverty is bad because it makes people fat,” which only holds up as an argument if you agree that being fat is a terrible thing that happens to people rather than being a completely neutral reality about some people’s bodies.

anyone pulling any fatphobia on this post is getting blocked on sight I’m not playing.

slyandthefamilybook:

why do you guys talk like you think not voting means no one gets elected

starsinfight:

todaysbird:

that’s a whole man.

you can’t leave off the photo the sawmill worker took of the kiwi

chasetriesagain:

inactiveaccount082024:

lezbianz:

this is for a part-time job as a barista

on an application to work the front desk of a hotel

If minimum wage you’d like to make,
This ancient quiz you’ll have to take.

Step right up, but be prepared.
Those who fail are poverty-snared.

Question One!

If your labor proves most fruitful,
Raking quarters by the bootful,
Who should excess profits reap,
Me the wolf or you the sheep?

Question Two!

If, by merit, you’re made pope,
What will be your fervent hope?
Law and order justly paired?
Or mercy and the guilty spared?

Question Three!

If a train should leave Topeka
Driven by a solar squeaker,
How then should the cat behave?
Give it milk or give it grave?

Question Four!

Do you have a criminal record?

esgiel:

wholesome-supervillain:

bringing this back

@teionleeirl

official-linguistics-post:

erylon:

A loanword is a word taken from another language, such as ‘angst’ or ‘tsunami’ or ‘calque’.
A calque is a literal translation of a word from another language, such as rhinestone (from French caillou du Rhine) or blueblood (from Spanish sangre azul) or loanword (from German lehnwort).

official linguistics post

theconcealedweapon:

paper-mario-wiki:

paper-mario-wiki:

paper-mario-wiki:

hey guys, what do you think of my dinner?

(choose your words carefully)

EXCUSE ME?

THAT’S IT


chasetriesagain:

inactiveaccount082024:

lezbianz:

this is for a part-time job as a barista

on an application to work the front desk of a hotel

If minimum wage you’d like to make,
This ancient quiz you’ll have to take.

Step right up, but be prepared.
Those who fail are poverty-snared.

Question One!

If your labor proves most fruitful,
Raking quarters by the bootful,
Who should excess profits reap,
Me the wolf or you the sheep?

Question Two!

If, by merit, you’re made pope,
What will be your fervent hope?
Law and order justly paired?
Or mercy and the guilty spared?

Question Three!

If a train should leave Topeka
Driven by a solar squeaker,
How then should the cat behave?
Give it milk or give it grave?

Question Four!

Do you have a criminal record?

describe-things:

krishfv:

[ID: A three panel comic from Berkeleymews.com.

Panel 1 shows a light blue figure in a suit standing at a podium, saying, “Vote for me because I’m not my opponent.”.

Panel 2 shows someone in the crowd raising a hand and asking, “What do you stand for?”

The candidate replies, “Not being my
opponent”.
Panel 3 shows another speech bubble from the crowd offscreen, asking, “What’s your name?”

The candidate replies, “Not my opponent’s name”.

End ID.]

linktoo-doodles:

THE B IN TECHNOBLADE STANDS FOR BIRTHDAY

orteil42:

if i keep sprinkling words like “normalstyle” in my speech people won’t notice i’m 34. i’m still youthcore i’m still relevantpilled

the-haiku-bot:

brennacedria:

beggars-opera:

I just want to formally acknowledge to the person driving in front of me with bumper stickers reading “I’d Rather Be Slowly Consumed By Moss,” “Slime Mold Is My Co-Pilot,” and “Honk If You’d Rather Be Watching The Cinematic Masterpiece ‘The Mummy’ Starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz” that I know you have an account here and I approve of you

OP where are you from, bc I’m 90% sure I’ve seen that car

Edit: I only took a pic of the mummy sticker

OP where are you from,

bc I’m 90%

sure I’ve seen that car

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

twentybrokenipodclassics:

bongjoonheaux:

bongjoonheaux:

bongjoonheaux:

“Q: It is illegal for drivers under the age of 21 to operate a vehicle while under the influence, True/False?

A: False! It is is illegal to drive under the influence at ANY age.”

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

I passed the test because it was fairly simple compared to the damn psychological warfare conducted by the practice test I used

Actual test: Identify which of the following is a stop sign

Practice test: Four cars at a four way unmonitored intersection and youre the only one turning right. The car across from you is hydroplaning, and the driver of the car to your left exits the vehicle and pulls out a gun

devil-with-three-heads:

ya0ishi:

wardenaristraith:

rabbitheartedfool:

applejuicewerewolf:

iampattonsanders:

balillee:

rikusqueenofhearts:

kleeklutch:

happy pride month to country mama lynn and country mama lynn only

Someone give this woman a damn crown and medal

Happy pride month to country mama lynn and ger gay son only

aint it crazy how many people realize they’re queer when they have the language to express how they feel and a support system to encourage self exploration????

I never stop enjoying reading this. Literally everyone’s lives improves.

Ancient legends say that if you reblog this on June you get 110% gayer and stronger

this story brought me incredible joy

macgyvermedical:

trans-girl-nausicaa:

Listen, I wanted to join the military too. I really, really did. But if your motivation for joining the military is anything except going somewhere far away and killing people, rethink.

If it is getting away from the situation that you’re in, if it’s the ability to serve your country full-time, if it’s camaraderie and wearing a uniform and the opportunity for college and/or job training, if it’s physical fitness and learning to live with other people who are really different than you, heck, if it’s fully paid-for travel and the ability to do cool things like respond to disasters and fight wildfires…

JOIN THE NATIONAL CIVILIAN COMMUNITY CORPS OR A CONSERVATION CORPS INSTEAD.

AmeriCorps NCCC is a residential, team-based national service program. It’s free. They provide all travel, lodging, food, and training. They even pay you a stipend. At the end you get money for college or job training. Almost everyone 18-26 gets in. If you want to be a team leader you can be older than that.

You travel around the country for 1-2 years with a diverse team doing anything from building parks to trail maintenance to serving with a food pantry to disaster relief to cutting fire line to building houses.

If you have any questions I was a team leader with this program. I am happy to answer them.

devil-with-three-heads:

ya0ishi:

wardenaristraith:

rabbitheartedfool:

applejuicewerewolf:

iampattonsanders:

balillee:

rikusqueenofhearts:

kleeklutch:

happy pride month to country mama lynn and country mama lynn only

Someone give this woman a damn crown and medal

Happy pride month to country mama lynn and ger gay son only

aint it crazy how many people realize they’re queer when they have the language to express how they feel and a support system to encourage self exploration????

I never stop enjoying reading this. Literally everyone’s lives improves.

Ancient legends say that if you reblog this on June you get 110% gayer and stronger

this story brought me incredible joy

wyrmoftheweb:

wyrmoftheweb:

I’m about to wii sports resort to violence

I’m about to have a wii fit

xnzlian:

It’s noot noot

Nootmare belongs to Jokublog

pokebirdtummy-deactivated202406:

todaysbird:

happy pride. here’s the link to wikipedias list of birds displaying homosexual behavior

cannibalchicken:

soberscientistlife:

Teach your children how to deal with emotions in a constructive way. I wish I had done this with my children.

nyanguardparty:

apas-95:

apas-95:

remember, if you’re ever at the gare you can kiss & rail your friends for 30 minutes gratis

people admitting to coming fast in my notes

orcboxer:

mammonmuffinz:

orcboxer:

Have you seen the new show? It’s on Tubu. It’s literally on Heebee. It’s on Poodee with ads. It’s literally on Dippy. You can probably find it on Weeno. Dude it’s on Gumpy. It’s a Pheebo original. It’s on Poob. You can watch it on Poob. You can go to Poob and watch it. Log onto Poob right now. Go to Poob. Dive into Poob. You can Poob it. It’s on Poob. Poob has it for you. Poob has it for you.

Are you high?

I am actually one of the dozens of people worldwide who make jokes on purpose

clairestrogen:

ballerinaghost:

chongotheartist:

theyatemytailorr:

never in my life did I think that toilet doors would make me so angry

I reblog every time for the cartoon lmao

I think if you opened the football door it would just lead to an enormous stadium full of people cheering for you

The other ones would lead to a mall probably

likeadevils:

u can pry my Special Capitalizations and random periods for like. dramatic effect away from my cold dead hands

macgyvermedical:

trans-girl-nausicaa:

Listen, I wanted to join the military too. I really, really did. But if your motivation for joining the military is anything except going somewhere far away and killing people, rethink.

If it is getting away from the situation that you’re in, if it’s the ability to serve your country full-time, if it’s camaraderie and wearing a uniform and the opportunity for college and/or job training, if it’s physical fitness and learning to live with other people who are really different than you, heck, if it’s fully paid-for travel and the ability to do cool things like respond to disasters and fight wildfires…

JOIN THE NATIONAL CIVILIAN COMMUNITY CORPS OR A CONSERVATION CORPS INSTEAD.

AmeriCorps NCCC is a residential, team-based national service program. It’s free. They provide all travel, lodging, food, and training. They even pay you a stipend. At the end you get money for college or job training. Almost everyone 18-26 gets in. If you want to be a team leader you can be older than that.

You travel around the country for 1-2 years with a diverse team doing anything from building parks to trail maintenance to serving with a food pantry to disaster relief to cutting fire line to building houses.

If you have any questions I was a team leader with this program. I am happy to answer them.

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

trekbec82:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chibisquirt:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

chaumas-deactivated20240115:

lots of stories about being possessed by demons and forced to do evil things against your will, not many about being possessed by angels and forced to do good things against your will

I think you could actually write an incredible horror story about this actually

if you get possessed by a demon and start doing evil things, everyone’s immediately like “oh no this isn’t like you, this is so sinister, we must put a stop to this and restore your free will” but if you get possessed by an angel* who’s going to stop you? who’s going to want to stop you? your friends are either going to approve or they’re going to start resenting you and cutting ties…

and I specifically don’t mean this happening to an originally evil or villainous character, just like, a normal person with an average degree of benevolence and selfishness, succumbing to a gradually escalating series of good deeds that offer no pleasure or relief that they never would have chosen

I really hate to do this to you, but I really do think this could be. a kink thing….

I have neutral news about literally anything

The thing is, an angel never would force a person to do things against their will, even if they found themselves possessing a person for some reason. Forcing unwanted actions upon a person (breach of consent) is an evil act, in and of itself. An angel would likely attempt to persuade the person they’re possessing to do good, but they wouldn’t force them.

See now but that’s stupid. Humans recognize “good”/not evil violations of consent all the time. We snatch poison out of the mouths of children, pull people away from ledges, and overpower violent attackers all the time and consider that to be “good”. We apply coercion on a societal level all the time and, usually, ascribe “goodness” to it when it seems to serve a greater good (ex. taxes, food safety regulations). So either breaching consent is always inherently evil and the concept of a greater good is invalid (in which case taxing the rich or taking poison from a child are wicked acts) or breaching consent is a lesser evil than allowing greater harm to happen (such as the child dying) or enabling more important good (ex the maintenance of roads).

If we define an angel as cosmic force for the nebulous concept of “good”, then it’s either wholly incapable of any degree or moment of wickedness, however small, and therefore completely useless, or it’s able to assess a relative value to good and evil acts and may do so on a system not immediately apparent or relatable to humans.

daughter-of-sapph0:

happy pride

mogblin:

we kind of have to give it up for alvin and the chipmunks for inventing the word “squeakquel”

agnoll:

was at the local watering hole when the news broke and a random guy looking at his phone went “wow!” so i asked “trump?” and he said “no, new species of tiger beetle”

brainrotdotorg:

brainrotdotorg:

brainrotdotorg:

brainrotdotorg:

i am shrunken down and brought to the gnome world and when i attempt to assimilate to their culture I use an acorn cap as a hat and they all laugh cheerfully at my silly mistake of wearing what they use as a bowl like a cap and though this is a transgression that would have humiliated me in my human life I am instead laughing alongside them at my humorous misunderstanding

they ask me what I would like to eat and knowing that gnomes enjoy fruit i ask for my favorite fruit, an apple, and they all laugh raucously and say that i must be very hungry indeed to desire an entire apple rather than just a small chunk, and i go along with their joke and say that while my body may have shrank my stomach has not! and they all guffaw with delight until their faces turn red and see that my request is met and we all sit around a toadstool and share many apple slices together

over my time spent with the gnomes, my antics are still regarded with much delight. though i am past the age in which i am confused by their customs and norms, i occasionally pretend to be clueless about simple and easily understood things, such as shock at how toads are as tall as I am. they all continue to laugh at my feigned surprise, and sometimes join in, asking me if I need any help distinguishing what berries are for eating and which are for painting. i laugh, too. there is a sense of grace that comes with my shortcomings amongst the gnomes. they are entertained by my misunderstandings, yes, because life is to short to not be jolly.

i wake up one morning back at my original size. the small cavern in the roots of a tree that i lived in is destroyed in my sleep. my clothes, tailored from cut-up scraps of fabric, are shredded around me. i am a human again. i am horribly embarrassed.

the gnomes of the community gather around where i sit, all looking at me and exchanging glances with each other, none of them speaking the obvious. i can no longer stay here, now that i am not their size. but i was part of their community. i became one of them, indistinguishable from these people only from my past. how am i supposed to return to the world of the humans now? there is no life left for me there. that is not a life where i may fish for minnows in a babbling brook and feast off a bounty of raspberries. i am distraught. i cry.

my community comforts me. friends, all minuscule to me now, pat me wherever they can reach, nimbly dodging the tears that fall from my face. one of them offers me water. they don’t have any containers that are big enough for me, they apologize, so just this acorn cap filled with morning dew will have to suffice.

i take the acorn cap and look at it in my hands. it is so small now. with a sniff, i put it atop my head.

the gnome chuckles. then laughs. then bends at the waist, bellowing with laughter, supporting himself on my knee. then i am laughing too, face red, tears still falling, and my community of gnomes laughs with me as well, so loud that a flock of birds takes off in the distance, and i am still laughing even as i stand to my feet and lumber away, back to where i once came.

insanityisdivine:

So true

prinxe-with-no-crown:

celceta:

I love seasonal fruits they’re like girl we’re back lol

happy pride month

yourtongzhihazel:

sayruq:

The hague invasion act about to become very relevant very soon

radioactive-yuri:

starts punching and tearing at everything in a blind rage. i want AROMANTIC characters i want characters with not an OUNCE of romance about them i don’t JUST want aroace characters i want AROMANTIC characters that AREN’T ASEXUAL i want people to headcanon characters as AROMANTIC not just aroace i want fandom to treat AROMANTICISM as AROMANTICISM, and not a SUBCATEGORY OF ASEXUALITY. RRRAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH

[ID: banner reading “don’t tag as ace or aroace”]

sacred-portal:

memewhore:

pathologising:

(\/)…(-_-)…(\/) <- lopster

rat-detector:

notquitehuman-creations:

diangelo-supporter10:

xloy4lty:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

smallmetal:

̤̤̤̤̤̤̤

̤̤̤̤̤̤

̤̤̤̤̤

̤̤̤̤̤̤

̤̤̤
̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤
̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤
̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤
̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤̤

@rat-detector

radioactive-yuri:

hello, tumblr user. before you is an aromantic character. they have never expressed any hint of asexuality. your task is simple: do not refer to them as an “aroace” or get mad at people writing smut about them. the duration of this task is the rest of your life. if you fail at any point in the future, i will personally shoot you.

good luck.

dirtbrunch:

vexx-the-egg:

molluscappreciator-deactivated2:

pink-boobs:

soranatus:

caprisunsport:

volukei:

caprisunsport:

damn my pants ripped in the desert ahhh the sand so hot on my dick

bro look out for that cactus

ahh the cactus so pain on my dick

aleyma:

Franz Xavier Zirnkilton, My Snail, c.1915-20 (source).