Just so you know, a normal response to a child breaking something is to first check to see if they got hurt and then if they’re old enough make them help clean it up. And then afterwards explaining to them how to avoid doing that in the future. At no point is yelling necessary to make them understand why they shouldn’t do that.
This also works for teenz. Teenager get drunk? Well, that’s a good opportunity to check in with their mental health and teach them how to drink responsibly in the future. Don’t try to match the amount your boyfriend drinks, Jessica. You have an estrogen system and you’re like four feet tall. Eat some bread.
A lot of people say this method is “too soft” but my dad taught me how to drink when I was fifteen and I never once got yelled at for breaking things and guess who doesn’t go around binge drinking and breaking stuff over peoples heads? Me, that’s who. I didn’t need fear or treats to learn things because I’m not a dog and neither is your child
As someone whose father was the “yell about it” type of parent, I eventually figured out that if he was determined to see everything I did as intentionally malicious no matter what, then I had nothing to lose or gain by putting the effort in and just quit trying. I already knew not to break things on purpose because I wasn’t an idiot, but I had no reason to be polite or generous with HIM because he made it clear through his actions that effort or intent would never be appreciated.
I moved out at 17 and didn’t talk to him again till I was 25.
If your actions show that you are determined to see someone as malicious, they will eventually become malicious.
Tough love like this does not work