aren’t gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn’t maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I’m fine, I wasn’t planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I’m confident I can stay out of the gorilla’s way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it’s all over.
It’s not just about the physical danger either, it’s about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he’s actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute “chimpanzee” for “gorilla” in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i’m taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I’m not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
“male gorillas are” and it doesn’t even say male or adult so you could loki your way out of this by specifying a two week old female gorilla
𝙹∷ ᒷ⍊ᒷリ ᔑ ᓭℸ ̣ᔑℸ ̣╎ᓵ !¡╎ᓵℸ ̣⚍∷ᒷ 𝙹⎓ ᔑ ⊣𝙹∷╎ꖎꖎᔑ
ok but gorillas actually ARE very gentle. and like it’d be incredibly easy to just avoid the big dude and not piss him off. like many animals he’s not gonna do shit unless you really piss him off. and if you’re that worried you can easily see him and just stay away from him.
also i do agree if it were a chimp i’m going with the snakes. chimps are fucking scary
