me when we start eating billionaires and i have to kill gomez addams
Gomez and Morticia, telling us where they store the spare guillotines so we can go after Jeff Bezos after we finish with them.
Look, I know we don’t want to admit that our heroes can be flawed, but this isn’t just people baselessly picking a rich person and saying they’re a billionaire.
Don’t hold back. Gomez will respect the revolutionary fire burning in your heart!
The Addams would bring the guillotines for the other billionaires, give away literally all their money and then still ASK for executions because it’s been so long since they had a good beheading in the family
honestly, you’d break his heart if you said you WEREN’T planning on sticking his head in a guillotine. morticia, too. they’d be upset at the special treatment, too, but mostly they really want to be executed gruesomely as they stare lovingly into each other’s eyes as their heads are separated from their bodies, and we need to respect that.
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Gomez would wonder why you stopped at beheading when there’s so many other fun options. Drawing and quartering, breaking on the wheel, being dipped in boiling oil, being thrown off a cliff. His personal favorite is impalement, but he finds that brazen bull thing intriguing.
But if you absolutely must insist on beheading, he only insists that it be by something more stylish than a guillotine. Perhaps the classic headsman’s axe, for that vintage touch - he’s got a whole collection of them to choose from, all razor sharp and ready to go. Or if you’re feeling more avant-garde, a plane propeller.
See I would keep them alive to help because of their expertise on the matter. I certainly don’t know what I’m doing. But I also strongly disagree with Forbes on their net worth. I think they give away and spend too much of their money to actually be billionaires, much the same as Dolly Parton. Parton certainly makes enough to be a billionaire, but the thing is she gives it all away and spends it all and so she’s never reached billionaire status. The Addamses spend and give away money like its water, and not on yachts or anything, on random people that come into their lives. So by that behaviour alone, they can’t possibly be billionaires–though they likely have enough coming in per year to qualify, they spend too much of it by the end of the year.
If anything was going to convince the Addamses to start saving up more to reach billionaire status, it would be so they can qualify for the beheadings.
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