hate when I wanna talk to a person but I don’t really have anything to say. but I yearn for the connection. can’t just message someone like, hi I have nothing in particular to say but you’re fun and cool and I would like to have a conversation
i do something I call “leaving the door open” where I try to engage in like. Optional small talk. Fun or interesting observations, half-formed jokes. It gives people the option to engage and signals you’re open to having a conversation without making it particularly urgent. Saying “hey” forces the other person to come up with an actual topic, and “how are you” conversations can get repetitive or in some cases unfun. Sometimes people don’t want to reflect on how they are, or maybe they reflected but don’t need a response to it, for any variety of valid reasons. By focusing on mundane topics you signal that your friendship is evolved enough that you no longer feel the need to talk exclusively about a shared interest, a generally un-intimate set of topics, and can rather talk about your lives, which offers a deeper sense of connection. The downside is that many people were taught to communicate in this way, and don’t or cannot express their confusion on a new way of communicating in direct questions, so sometimes the response is “why are you telling me this?” That sucks! But it can’t be helped. Healthy long distance friendships require a healthy diet of shared interest, interest in the other person as an individual, and weird mundane shit. Without those things, they tend to wither, and not everyone is capable of willing to feed them what they need. But leaving the door open is a great first step!