theonion:

Asserting that the pair had not been close “for decades” prior to the financier’s death, Donald Trump admitted Friday that his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein was severed after a dispute over dibs on the former president’s daughter Ivanka Trump. “We had a very good time for many years, but it was unfortunately Ivanka who drove a wedge between us,” said the Republican presidential nominee, who explained that his friendship with the convicted sex trafficker “fell to pieces” after the two men failed to strike an agreement over who would get to pursue Trump’s eldest daughter.

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