woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.
Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.
i meant to empty my contact lens case of cleaner and instead launched my allergy pills down the drain. wasn’t even holding the lens case
once confidently pointed my car keys at the door out of my house and pressed the unlock button
I once punched my deodorant so hard it exploded thinking it was my alarm clock. It took an hour to clean. I don’t have an alarm clock
