fucking hell i forget that some people violently hate polyamory and are way too proud of admitting it :/
“if my partner suggested polyamory i would kill them and then myself” what happened to being respectful? do you not hear how shitty that is to say ??? whats fucking wrong with people
responses to a “what would you do if your partner suggested polyamory?” poll. what the fuck.
Hey pals, this kind of behavior is a huge red flag. Translate this threat to simple English: “I would punish my partner with emotional and physical violence (or the threat of it) simply for asking a question I don’t like.”
This is manipulation and abuse. The polyamory thing is so incredibly beside the point – if they will threaten to punish you for asking one question they don’t like, then chances are they will threaten/punish you for asking any question they don’t like.
It might not always be physically violent: Someone breaking down into hysterics every time you try to communicate your needs/wants/idle hypothetical curiosities, to the point where you feel afraid to start a good-faith conversation about your relationship because they will blame you for causing their feelings – thatis still manipulation and abuse.
If you feel like there’s no “right way” to advocate for your own needs without causing a catastrophic meltdown in your partner, or if you are afraid of your partner’s patterns of emotional response in any way, that is a symptom of manipulation and abuse. If you feel like you have to be constantly hyper-vigilant about every word you say for fear of hurting them, that is a symptom of manipulation and abuse.
Get out or get help. You are not the bad guy. You are not the bad guy. You are not the bad guy. You are not obligated to stay with someone who has threatened you, threatened themselves as a way of controlling your behavior, or otherwise made you afraid like this. YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY. YOU’RE NOT.
If you are in this situation, please consider telling a friend, a trusted mentor, a parent, a therapist, etc about what’s happening. There may be resources in your country for domestic violence services to help you get out if you need to leave and feel like you can’t. (Also please note that although I have used the word “partner” here, you can replace that word with any other word (“friend”, “boss”, “parent”, whatever) and the point still stands.)
Finally, if you are one of the people who answered something like the above screenshots? Friend, this is a come-to-jesus moment, because that is NOT an appropriate way to handle an upsetting conversation. You’re allowed to be upset; you’re allowed to dislike a question; you’re allowed to excuse yourself to another room and cry for a while. It is okay to have big, hurt, scared feelings. It is NOT okay to control someone’s behavior via threats of violence, even if they are threats of violence against yourself. It is NOT okay to browbeat your partner into compliance and silence with your unregulated emotional displays. I really hope you sit with this quietly and think about it.
