:

One of my best friends went to college in Montana. They were part of the campus queer community. They had a friend who had been stalked and harassed by this guy on Grindr multiple times. When my friend asked them why nothing had been done, why this guy hadn’t been ousted from the community, their friend simply said:

“No. We can’t do that. That’s the same as leaving him for dead.”

And they were right for that.

There’s a lot of personal reasons I found it in me to forgive my ex that assaulted and closeted me - but another reason is because they were also a hurting, closeted, queer kid who took their pain out on me. They deserve safe communities to heal in and I am not the arbiter of that. There’s a reason why my best friend is still my best friend in spite of the fact that they hurt someone in similar but different ways. My best friend deserves to heal and so does the person they hurt. No one else is the arbiter of whether or not either one of them is allowed that.

I do not like Blaire White, Caitlyn Jenner, Kalvin Garrah, etc. etc. etc. as people. I would not hold community space for them in a typical queer setting. However, if their existences as trans people were under attack? I would still hold space for them even if they would never hold that for me because that’s still the right thing to do. That value stands for me personally across all marginalized people - not just trans people.

Absolutely make your personal spaces safe for yourself. Curate your own online experience. But when shit goes down, you still stand up for the queers you don’t like. The queers who’ve hurt people. Who’ve hurt you even. Because ultimately you are socially the same. Bigotry is bigger than all of us and that’s a tough pill to swallow, but you have to swallow it or we are all fucked.