shit that actually happens in pokemon:
- a giant castle rises from the ground around the main government building. this is basically peta’s fault.
- you ride a dragon-god into space to fight a meteor alien. this is plan b. plan a was to send the meteor alien to another dimension.
- one guy tries to get rid of the oceans. one tries to get rid of dry land. What Happens Next Will Shock You.
- a dude jumps straight out of the water onto an evil pirate ship, lowers the gangplank, then swims off to let a teenager deal with it.
- there is a 1/3 chance that a runaway 11-year-old yakuza/mafia prince broke into a laboratory to steal an adorable plant creature.
- you can buy a useless fish for several thousand yen from a shady salesman. this is actually a very good investment.
- the devil, the god of death and the bringer of eternal nightmares all really really really like cake.
- the space cultists would have won if dragon lucifer hadn’t showed up.
- god is a goat, and if you take it to the right place, it will make you a baby god.
- the most powerful trainer in the world (a 14-year-old with a pet rat) went up a frozen mountain for no apparent reason. he only comes down after you beat up his rat. this is absurdly difficult.
- the effective ruler of the unova region is a magical catgirl space princess with a bunch of pet dragons.
- there’s a nine foot tall guy wandering around. his height is the least interesting thing about him. and his best friend is a flower fairy.
more
- a 10 year old destroys the yakuza (and then another 10 year old destroys its remnants a few years later)
- there’s multiple professors who study subjects they have no fucking clue about. they’re still considered experts for some reason.
- bikes cost a gajillion dollars but you actually WERE the 1 millionth customer and get one for free anyways.
- a woc orphan gets a suit that basically makes her a super hero. This is never followed up ojn
- a random guy with a bad accent in a brown trenchcoat is the sole police officer seen in the series. no i mean literally, there ARE NO OTHER POLICE its just him, he keeps showing up. All the others you might think were police are just security guards.
- same police officer fights a pokemon with his fists at one point
- in a previous game a dragon hits a person with a laser and this is a good thing
- Psychic powers are totally real and common as dirt
- ghosts are real too but they’re mostly goobers
- fossils are resurrected ala jurassic park all the time
- people can read dreams
- teleportation and matter to energy conversion is so common place it’s used for minor conveniences
- an ancient civilization 10000 years old used braille as their alphabet
- you can visit the underworld
There is now another police officer. He lives next to a town overrun by a gang, with his fifteen cats.
Pokemon Heritage Post
- A princess who’s never battled in her life moves to another country after she unlocks latent psychic powers and becomes one of that country’s top battlers.
- To follow up on the orphan superhero: she’s also like 10 years old and a professional PI in Paris.
- A pair of self-proclaimed “celebrities” that no one’s heard of try to rewrite history by driving a dog insane.
- You have the power to alter the past by choosing where to plant carrots.
- Three specific birds change their appearance and types when in the UK. This is never elaborated on.
- Between a respected sports champion, a renowned professor, and a terrorist cult leader, the cult leader is the only one whose ancestor never betrays you.
- A region’s top champion who’s known for “never holding back” loses to two teenagers on separate occasions, and is still considered the top champion for some reason.
- a teenager can understand animal speech because he grew up surrounded by ones that had been traumatized by shitty trainers
- the same teenager hates battling and becomes the champion battler of his region entirely to make a point, and fucks off on the back of a dragon god when he loses
- people have been confirmed to have been dropped into alternate timelines or into the past of possibly their own worlds. they get amnesia from the process and no one has made a significant effort to try to get them home again
- there are multiple pokemon that murder people based entirely on their vibes- the more emotions someone is feeling, the more likely it is that something will teleport to them to vaporize them
- a man jumps off the blades of a moving windmill and lands in an arena at least three stories below where he started in a superhero pose. this is not viewed as remarkable
- in the aforementioned trip into space to fight a meteor alien, the player does it in a suit designed to withstand the deep pressure of the ocean or the extreme heat from a volcano. nasa has decided that is acceptable protection from the cold vacuum of space
- its possible to grandfather paradox your way into triggering the plot of a mainline video game thanks to a turtle made out of gemstones and a book about conspiracy theories
- that grandfather paradox confirms that once enough time has passed, you are guaranteed to get animals that look exactly the same as before, except now they’re dinosaurs or robots
- you get a kaiju, and befriend it by way of sandwiches. no one knows what it is or is worried about what it might do, and the person that caught it via time travel entrusts it to you, a total stranger, because you beat up their son’s pet squirrel
- three gods of willpower, emotion, and knowledge test a fifteen-year-old to make sure they have what it takes to save the world. the willpower one gives them a test they’ll never win to make sure they won’t give up, the emotion one grills them on the trauma of the last few weeks/months of their life, and the knowledge one asks them how many eyes a couple different species of pokemon have. these are all treated with equal seriousness