Pick a Warlock Patron!
Angel who keeps falling/redeeming so you go from a celestial to fiend pact daily
Subpar Young One. Look, we all start small. Give them 10,000 years!
Craig. I know he doesn’t seem like a patron but he swears he’s good for it!
Asmodeus. Not the famous one. Another one. It’s a common name in hell.
“Undying” patron who’s undyingness was apparently greatly exaggerated. Fuck.
Cool tree which is probably an archfey. If not, it’s at least a pretty cool tree
Another warlock, but if you become patron to ten more warlocks…
Asterion from Baldur’s Gate 3. Your thirstposting has made him too powerful!
It would be a Hexblade, but due to a mix-up it’s just a Standardblade.
Oh, who gives a shit? You’re just in this for eldritch blast anyway.
See ResultsI had a former manager named Craig who once football-tackled a customer that was assaulting me to get her away from me. Also when Susan the bitchass evangelical other manager started badgering me to join her in a prayer circle to make me straight again, Craig jumped in and said “SURE there’s lots of people here that need prayer!” took her hands and, loud enough for the entire store beseeched the lord with:
“OH GOD OUR LORD PLEASE HELP SISTER SUSAN HERE LEARN TO PRACTICE HER FAITH WITH GRACE AND LOVE THOSE DIFFERENT THAN HERSELF.
”-AND IF YOU CAN’T SWING THAT, GET HER NOSE OUT OF EVERYONE ELSE’S BUSINESS AND ASS OUT TO THE LOADING DOCK THE PROVEN WINNERS TRUCK IS HERE.“So like. Craig is actually good for the job.
Important Craig update, I cannot confirm it but we have a witness for him being good for it