i think that trans lesbians generally dont enter the queer community until they start transition; if you think youre a Straight Man, the undefined malaise of queerness that follows you as an egg is often (not always!) not enough to go “oh im ace” or “oh im nonbinary” and join your high school gsa. Instead you drift around Male Nerd groups until youre exposed to the idea that trans women are Normal People You Can Be and not disgusting sex objects
this explains a few things;
why trans lesbians have some distance from the queer community and dont have as much connection with cis queers as say, many transmascs or many straight transfems- she probably never spent time in drag communities because theyre mostly a space for people who like men.
and also why trans women are so protective of the idea of “egg cracking”; a “straight boy” who quietly wishes “he” was a woman isnt going to seek out tme-dominated queer spaces and start exploring labels, (which i understand is often the case for people who settle on a gay transmasc identity) “he” might need another trans woman to extend her hand.
So like just to clarify! This is more me noticing trends and not me drawing hard rules! If you are a transbian but had a different experience, I see you and I love you. If you are NOT a trans lesbian but DID have a similar experience, I see you and I love you!
And to the dozen or so girls in the notes saying something like “this is a scarily accurate description of my life”, I see you, I love you, and I am offering you a big long tight hug because you are a sister to me.