there have been sightings of a previously unknown morphosyntactic alignment in some guy’s closet. in the past two weeks, three more theoretical frameworks for linguistics have turned into Optimality Theory overnight. the complex houses, unnamed sources say, married garden paths. “we’re still expecting the baby,” a proto-world recapitulationist is heard saying. jovial diffusions happen lexically down the mountain trail. on their father’s death, local historical linguist told us that the aging of a family is a pull chain. two undescribed sci-fi alien languages stir neighborhood controversy for trying to become real. typesetting IPA on a typewriter: is it a good idea? specialist says you’ll have to say yes very soon, but declined to explain when we asked, and when we asked how they got in the studio. did you feel that, listener? just now, all island effects disappeared for one second, then came back as if nothing had happened. a grad student won 1 dollar by perfectly drawing a spectrogram by hand. there have been reports of New Nouns. just like Newton was hit by an apple, a generativist was hit by an entire tree. and now, the weather