we are so ableist about memory. people with good memory take for granted the fact that they can recall as much as they can, and use that to taunt, guilt and threaten people with memory issues. many neurotypes and mental illnesses cause memory lapses. traumatic brain injuries can cause memory lapses. brain cancer can cause memory lapses.
even if your memory is good, it’s not right to guilt someone because they can’t remember something. trust me, people with memory problems are desperately trying to remember: it’s just that we literally can’t. it is a very literal “i can’t remember”.
The number of times I’ve been accused of gaslighting bc I said, honestly, that I don’t remember some detail of some interaction, is pretty ironic considering how often actual gaslighters use people’s memory issues to do the actual gaslighting.