we all know and love survivor guilt, but what about its uglier sister emotion, survivor envy?
that irrational, self-destructive, selfish part of you that thinks it should have been me. if it had been me, i wouldn’t have had to feel the agony of grief. i would feel better about myself if i’d only had the strength to make the sacrifice. i would be valued more if only i could take on the burden myself. i regret not siezing the chance to discover my limits. i despise the weakness of my own flesh. i hate you for making the choice for me. for not letting me hurt in your place.