??? Uhhh… backtaxes? Stealing the Mayor’s shorts? Gambling? Idk, Stardew Valley crimes?
Breaking and Exiting
Man where do I even begin with Risk of Rain 2
homesteading
Vintage story mentioned let’s fucking gooooo!!!!
Dropping a nuke on Seoul
Patrolling the Mojave with a sawed-off shotgun.
ARMED CONFLICT
Countless war crimes
Playing God
Killing gods. Multiple times in a row. For a Shiny New Gun.
Running a cult and sacrificing my friend
Money laundering through farm work
Okay I can’t remember so my most recent ones are
Power wash simulator, Fnaf security breech, plate up, Minecraft, and cult of the lamb (yes I have a shitty memory and don’t remember which one was played last to fuck off)
I dunno using too much water
Breaking and entering and than committing mass criminal misconduct, impersonating staff, damaging equipment, resisting arrest
Cooking someone alive, or cooking raw food
Being god.
Killing off all five leaders of the realm and putting them under servitude within my cult and as sending to godhood through the blood ashes and despair of the portals who once quaked under their wrath.
Observing the Orb™ (Very illegal!)
Several violations of the Geneva Convention, including…
17 counts of using incendiary weapons
50 counts of using improvised weapons
9 counts of using serrated weapons
16 counts of using nuclear/radioactive weapons
5 counts of using spiked weapons
14 counts of chemical warfare
Directing attacks toward medical personnel (technically doesn’t count because the medical personnel was a direct combatant)
Attacking unarmed/surrendering combatants
In addition to this, I am also guilty of:
4 counts of attempted murder
4 counts of actual murder, including the murder of Tom Jones
2-3 counts of sexual harassment, depending on what exactly “non-milk substance” means
Killing Santa Claus
At least 17 counts of medical malpractice (that we are aware of)
Untold amounts of arson
An unknown number of counts of conspiracy
Corporate sabotage
Killing an endangered species
At least 4 counts of breaking and entering
Being an Russian American during the Joeseph McCarthy era
Genocide of German people (yes I’m serious)
Impersonation and misuse of the image of Tom Jones
Public indecency
Collaboration with the Russian Mafia
There’s probably at least one thing that I forgot.
Can you guess what game it was?
(Note: Most of these don’t actually happen in-game, instead being part of the insanely elaborate lore surrounding the game. Only the war crimes, arson, “non-milk substance”, about half the malpractice counts, indecency, and mafia things happen in the game, although I realize that that doesn’t really make it any better.)
