You were just sucked up and abducted by a UFO. The alien inside addresses you, “Is this translator working? Listen. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for three days so my parents will get off my back about it.”
You consider your options, pretending that the translator is not working might get you put right back down, probably for the better, you had a paper to write that you’ve been putting off for a while. On the other hand, they might insist in keeping you here while they try to fix it, which could keep you away for even longer.
Your mouth betrays you. “No thanks.” Okay, they know the translator works, but they also know that you don’t want to stay.
Their hair bunches up, like a chicken might puff their feathers. “Please! You don’t understand, they have such high standards, constantly comparing me to my older siblings like I’ll never be good enough! They just want me to have someone, anyone!”
You look unimpressed.
“I’ll compensate you! What’s a rare material on your planet? I know you don’t have an organized space fleet yet, so I can get you whatever!” Oh? Now there’s something interesting.
“Alright fine, though I’m not sure what kind of compensation I’d like, cause I don’t know what space has to offer.” The alien stops blinking and looks at you intensely. “You don’t know what there is in space?” Their expression is more befitting of you claiming you ‘Fart on food for extra flavor’ or something else equally horrendous.
“No, since we don’t have much of exploration going on, people focus on their lives down there, rather than what doesn’t concern them up here.” The alien doesn’t appear convinced. “I think your species has a tendency to be self centered, and is willingly ignorant.” You take half a step back, not offended but more surprised. For some reason you didn’t think of how much the alien might know about your home, but if they have a well functioning translator.. it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.
“Not that I disagree, but can you tell me why you think this? There are multiple conclusions that I can think of.”
“You say you don’t care for space because it doesn’t affect you, meanwhile you follow the lives of famous people.” They state rather bluntly.
“Alright, touché.”
“So, you’ll agree to it?” You’re not sure why they’d pick your race though, they just made clear that there’s plenty of shortcomings.
“Sure, am I expected to talk to them though? Or do you want me to stay quiet?” Their ears flatten, they look like if elf ears functioned like bunny ears.
“No, you’re not a pet! Of course you’ll have to talk. You’re supposed to be my equal, in appearance at least.” O-Kay, feel like there’s some cultural differences there.
“Sure, can I stay in my jeans for this? Also do I need to know anything beforehand?” They chitter, which makes a sound alike to what a parrot would probably do to imitate a cricket. It seems to be their version of being amused.
“Plenty, but we don’t have time. If I had time I’d never have settled for a human.” Ah, okay.
“Your outfit? Uh, well you can’t use anything I have, since they might comment on you wearing my clothes.” Hm, surprise shopping trip?? “I suppose I can at least buy you something of an accessory, to help you look like an astronaut.” Uuh..
“But I don’t have a space suit, nor do I have the qualifications.” They look as confused as you. “What?”
Wait, oh. “Is an astronaut someone who travels through space?” They nod, still confused. “In my language it’s also a job.” They chitter again. “Imagine! Getting paid to wander the stars? I’d take that job in a heartbeat!” You blush, with space travel seemingly common for them, having the government pay for the trip must seem foreign. Like getting paid for making a personal grocery run no doubt.
“Okay, I’ll lend you a tucks, get you an embellishment and then we’ll head to the family reunion.” A tux??
…
The tucks is not a tux. The translator is starting to take breaks it seems. This is a cape that buttons around both the throat as well as the collar on the left side, the fabric around the neck is like a turtleneck, and the fabric that falls around the shoulders is more firm, to ensure it holds and to keep all the weight from hanging from the neck. The cape is attached to two wrist bands that go around the.. wrists.. making the cape rise whenever your hands do. There’s also a sash that is supposed to be tied around the waist that can also be attached to the cape, which keeps it from getting caught up in possible winds from the waist up. The whole ensemble looks like space itself. Like a piece of space was *plucked* from its spot and woven into this.
Keeping this alone would be worth the trip. You have four days until the paper needs to be turned in anyway, you can afford to procrastinate for another three. Probably..
The ships movement feels sleek. Not like what movies make space travel look like, with the whole thing rattling like a present on Christmas. Surprisingly, it didn’t give any sign of movement, until the ship started to slow down.
A quick stop at what felt like the space equivalent of a convenience store, the alien picks up some snacks and drinks for you to try, and picks out ‘an embellishment’, which turns out to be a space gem set in some kind of soft navy blue metal that curls around it in an interesting pattern. It fits the ‘tucks’ well. Though it’s supposed to go on a tiara, it ends up like a brooch, since you’re the wrong species.
Trying out various snacks and reporting back your experience was fun, and it killed the time well. You got some chitters, which by now you recognize as a laugh, and had a lot of weird tastes that feel illegal, like seeing a color that doesn’t exist.
You both arrive. And what a destination!
If space had a mansion, this would be it. It’s like if a house was detached from earth, and the gravity changed per room and that caused the house to mutate new rooms on all sides, including on what once was probably the bottom.
“How does it.. How does that work with gravity?” You ask, they look confused. “Much like your planet, it has a center of gravity and that’s the center on which all else is deprived.”
Uuuuuuhhh…
So if planet Earth was inhabited in multiple layers? And only able to house like.. 200 people instead of 8 Trillion. Gosh that’s hard to describe..
There are a lot of entrances, but only one where a ship can dock, which begs the question when another door would be opened, considering the vacuum of space might be at odds against breathing.
“Alright, remember. Just treat everything like it’s completely normal and roll with it.” Sounds like school. ‘Don’t ask questions lest someone find you stupid.’ Mom said affectionately!
“Got it, be chill and behave.” You resist the need to give finger guns in acknowledgement.
With a deep breath, you exit the ship and walk onto the docking bay.
Two aliens greet you, one of them looks alike to the one who brought you here, the other is shorter and has light green skin and no hair, which makes them look slightly nauseous.
The taller greets the two of you.
“Dahrling! Welcome home! And what’s this? You’ve brought along a coworker?” Oh that is a horrible accent for the translator to use, but it suits the alien well. Your ‘partner’ seems offended, their hair bunching up and a low rumbling sound coming from them. It sounds like an angry exhaust pipe.
“This is my partner, dearest, meet my caregiver.” They gesture from you to their parent and back. You nod to them, as gently as you can. Which is apparently a formal greeting. They nod back, though they don’t seem pleased to meet you, they do make a slight bow with their nod, which shows that they’re ‘grateful’ to meet you. Essentially to show that they’re the host, and that you are a guest.
…
The other half of the parental duo was not present. The one that was, was intent on grilling you the whole time. It felt more like an interrogation than a dinner. The two older sibling had both brought along a significant other, and the parent clearly wanted grandchildren to spoil, constantly doting on them and asking what their plants are for the future. Making sly comments on how wonderful it is to have a child and how child friendly this part of the galaxy is.
No matter how far into space you go, some things seem to stay the same..
The ‘weekend’ went well, it consisted of exploring the.. mansion? Hanging in the assigned room and a seemingly never ending stream of food. The only parental unit that bothered to present themselves never seemed to leave the table. Yet they didn’t eat at any point for as far as you could tell. But as promised, you didn’t question it.
Before you knew it, it ended, literally. There’s no clear day night cycle, which meant that you quite literally had no idea how much time had passed.
Upon your departure, the parent showed up again, this time with a different servant by their side. “It was quite lovely to have you here.” Their voice no longer hid disdain. “Come back anytime!” They say with a gentle nod.
You nod back and keep your face neutral, since anything else appears to be interpreted as aggression.
“It was a pleasure.” You agree. “May I ask you one final question?” They ask, you raise an eyebrow, giving them a signal to go ahead.
“What is the name of my youngest?” …Huh?
This was not covered. Surprisingly this did not come up at any point..
“I call them after a rare treat from home, since they’re the only being I love more.” You look them in the eyes. “Honey.” You purr.
They chitter, faster than you’ve ever heard before. The parent seems to be satisfied, as they let you leave.
The ride home you avoid each other, much to your regret.
It isn’t until the ship has landed that you exchange words again.
“Pick me up on Friday?” They nod eagerly, and you decide to give them a hug before you go.
“This time I’ll buy you something~” You say with a wink as you exit. They chitter loudly and give you a thumbs up, something you taught them.
You wave them off, and sigh. Got a sickass coat and a date! In space!
Your phone connects to the WiFi and catches up on the missed notifications.
Oh. Right.. The paper..