there is a very big difference i think between “i was and am a semi-public figure/niche internet microcelebrity and it felt incredibly weird and gross to have strangers speculate on my gender identity” and “my friend who i personally know joked that i might be trans and that helped me figure a lot out” and I think a lot of egg discourse happens when someone acts like these are both the same thing that should be treated the same
speculating someone is trans whether seriously or as a joke can either be helpful or harmful depending on who is doing it and who it’s being done to and that’s fine, know your audience and relation to a person i guess
if you are coming at this from the angle of protecting innocent cis people from the horrors of being presumed to be a trans woman then i do not care about you though. I’ve had enough of that “can’t we just let men be feminine” coded dogwhistle shit. fix your heart or die,