And you can use their reality to keep them calm if they are panicking! We had a husband who was always panicking trying to find his wife. Telling him she had passed away was not an option, but through the family we figured out their routine and could tell him not to worry, that she was at the salon or getting coffee with MaryAnne and would be home soon. It calmed him down, stopped him from trying to climb out of windows looking for her, and kept him in his own reality.
If you are working with dementia patients and they aren’t your family, try to get small details from the family that can help!
We had an older gent who was always wanting to get in his car and drive off so we would tell him his car was in the workshop. Eventually someone came up with a car of a make and model he’d owned that was non-working so we parked it up in the garden and he used to get in and sit happily behind the wheel and go for ‘drives’ - he even used to give other residents lifts to wherever they thought they were going.
Trying to orient someone with dementia is cruel in the short term and ultimately pointless. You’ll only upset them by trying to tell them the truth and they’ll have forgotten in an hour and be asking after the same long dead people again. My mother has worked in dementia care for over 25 years and will often tell families “So-and-so is happy in their dementia world”
[ image id: a screenshot of an answer to a question regarding dementia. the question asks “how do i answer my dad with dementia when he talks about his mom and dad being alive? do i go along with it or tell him they have passed away?” the answer, written by david mcphee (ph.d. psychologist, therapist) is as follows: “enter into his reality and enjoy it. he doesn’t need to be ‘oriented’. thank god the days are gone when people with advanced dementia were tortured by huge calendars and reminders signs and loved ones were urged to ‘orient’ them to bring them to some boring reality. if dad spends most of his time in 1959, sit with him. ask him questions he didn’t have time for before. ask about people long dead, but alive to him, learn, celebrate heritage. his parents are alive to him. learn more about your grandparents. if he tells the same story over and over, appreciate it as if it’s music, and you come back to the beautiful refrain. this isn’t ‘playing along to pacify the old guy’, this is an opportunity to communicate and treasure memories real but out of time.” / end id ]
