transphobic family members are one thing but it’s so hard to deal with family that are convinced they’re supportive but are bumbling, misinformed, or forgetful and will still misgender/deadname you nearly as frequently, but when you call them out or ask them to try harder all of a sudden you’re the bad guy. i have heard some of the most fucked up shit from ‘liberal’ parents using the 'correct’ terminology about trans people, where what they’re actually saying is deeply fucked up. like my step mom excitedly telling me she saw 'an afab man’ at the market and explaining how she could tell.
'i don’t want to be in a room where i will be misgendered/deadnamed/deal with transphobia’ applies even if it happens 'on accident’ every single time you see someone. and it’s a healthy boundary to set. but good g-d some people would rather kick and scream and cry than acknowledge that they’re hurting you, even unintentionally.
even the banal 'it was a mistake; i’m still adjusting’ falls on sour ears when you’ve been out for fucking years. you don’t want to start another fight but like, where do you go from there? at what point do you decide to prioritize your own quality of life and stop showing up? spend time with people who don’t have to make excuses for themselves every time you see them?
if you’re not allowed to set the terms for how you’re treated by your loved ones, then maybe it’s time to move on. even if your folks claim they’re supportive.