probablybadrpgideas:

Number of Goblins, ranked

• One Goblin - That’s just a goblin. He’s probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.
• Ten Goblins – That’s a fairly normal amount of goblins. There’s generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They’re just here for aesthetic, so you know it’s a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.
• One Hundred Goblins – Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they’re probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they’re likely load-bearing in some way.
• One Thousand Goblins – This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.
• One Million Goblins – A million goblins? I’m not sure I’ve even seen a million things in my life , and now there’s a million goblins? That’s, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that’s probably what’s going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.
• One Billion Goblins – Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you’re the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.
• One Trillion Goblins – How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they’ll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.
• One Quadrillion Goblins – One quadrillion? I’m only like 80% sure that’s even a real number! Luckily, you won’t have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they’ll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard’s not gonna be happy about this one!
• More Goblins – Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won’t like you if you don’t claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don’t worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3