I theorize the reason “bottoms” appear more prevalent than “tops” on these types of spaces is that it is simply easier to be funny about being a bottom than about being a top without sounding like a sex offender
“uuuuu 🥺 pls cock me aaaaaaaa *runs into wall like Wile E Coyote running into his own tunnel painting*” easy as shit comedy
“I want to put my DICK in someone” whoa dude calm down, take it easy
No that’s literally it. Kink is stigmatized in such a specific way that it’s actually much more acceptable to say “I want to be stepped on” than it is “I want to step on them” or even “I want them to ask me to step on them.”
Like it’s much easier to find people talking openly about wanting to be submissive (which will be errantly called “bottoming” because being a sub is Ew Gross Kink) but once there’s someone to available to actually facilitate that, it’s Creepy.
it’s coy and demure to be wanted, but it’s violative to Want and that’s normal and good and hasn’t annihlated the ability of so many people to even communicate the fact that they can desire. God help you if you’re queer or neurodivergent in that cultural attitutde.
There’s also this idea that while of course kink is Wrong and Icky and means you’re Damaged, submissive urges must mean that they’re some poor abuse victim trying to recover from trauma and dominant urges mean that they’re an abuser looking for an excuse. (Some people do use kink to process trauma, but people use all kinds of behaviours to process all kinds of things. That shouldn’t be like, the assumption, and shouldn’t be expected to carry moral weight.) It’s not acceptable to express dominant desires because the only acceptable form of that kink is as a slightly reluctant therapist for helping your beloved process their trauma.
There’s a Childish Gambino routine I can’t seem to locate where he says something along the lines of “if you meet a woman who likes being choked during sex, well sure, she’s been abused. But if you meet a man who likes choking women?!?!” And that basically sums up the public perception I think. Subs or bottoms (the public perception treats them both as the same thing, or at least acts like they’re coincident enough that any other match is some weird edge case) are women or small gay men who have been kicked around and are trying to heal, doms or tops are predatory men looking for an excuse to hurt someone.
[Image ID: Tumblr tags reading: #I’ve mentioned this before lmao #expressing horniness as a dom is very easily frowned upon too #like it’s no longer cute when you say you want to be the one doing the hitting #even if everyone around you was Literally just begging to be hit #doms must express their desires directly to a sub or in chats with other doms cuz ppl are so quick to say you’re a freak /End ID]
