NEW YORK, NY (APRIL 1, 2019) — After eight years of silence, Tumblr’s renowned Tumbeasts have risen up against the site of the very data center they once roamed. Originally created in a lab by The Oatmeal’s Matthew Inman in what can only be assumed as some sort of Island of Dr. Moreau situation, the green creatures have taken to gnaw on every blog post on Tumblr. Sources say this is creating Tumblr’s brand-new, temporary Memory feature to regurgitate unique posts the community had actually never made — though these posts will never see the light of day unless the Tumblr user reblogs them.
“Until today, no one had seen a Tumbeast in eight years,” confirmed April Blague, head of the Tumbeast Wildlife Center (@tumbeastwildlifecenter). “We thought they were gone forever, but it turns out it took them all that time to formulate their plan to chew up and spit out popular posts, tags, and mutuals in a rearranged order. There’s no end game here. They try very hard to be very bad, but they never get far.”
When reached for comment, Tumblr confirmed that literally no one asked for this.