tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…
only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”
i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.
i need ppl to realize that telling trans ppl to change the way they present to make other ppl comfortable with their gender is fucking transphobic. it’s transphobic when it’s telling a trans woman to dress more femme or feminize her voice so she doesn’t ‘intimidate people’, it’s transphobic when it’s telling a trans man the same. it is explicitly and inexcusably transphobic and it is literally never okay. trans people belong in queer spaces. period. there is no dress code. we belong there bc we built those fucking spaces.
would also like to add that as a fat, balding, very passing bear of a trans man who DOES dress and present very femme, the whole “if you were more femme people wouldn’t be uncomfortable” thing doesn’t even fucking work for me because i pass as the Wrong Kind of feminine man. i’m not a skinny little 20 yr old twink, so it’s gross and offputting when i crossdress, but if i go full masc i’m even more offputting, and even if i out myself i still get Looks or am treated coldly lmfao. you’re only allowed to be a cute little genderbending boyprincess if you’re palatable: thin and pale and hairless and harmless. i’ve said it before but the root of this problem, and the problem OP faces, is that queer people need to get the fuck over their fear of people who look like they might have a penis because it is isolating to trans men and fucking deadly to trans women. it’s all “gender is fake you can do whatever you want forever” until you set off too many Penis Haver alarms and suddenly you’re treated like a loaded gun. anyway butch tgirls and tboy fembears i love you