just-late-roman-republic-things:

A TV series about the early Roman emperors, except:

• It’s a comedy.
• It starts with Julius Caesar (who keeps correcting the narrator that he’s a dictator, not an emperor, as if it makes any difference).
• The narrator skips over military campaigns like the Gallic War and Claudius’ conquest of Britain in favor of “Haha check out Augustus’ shitty poetry” and “Caesar once tried to overthrow the republic with a wardrobe malfunction.”
• You can tell the narrator gets bored of certain emperors because he keeps going off on tangents about Julius and Augustus after they’re supposed to be dead.
• The characters get frustrated because they’re trying to act out a serious drama but nooo the narrator would rather gossip and it’s only 50% in chronological order.
• Some of the characters start pointing out things the narrator says that are physically impossible, don’t make logical sense, or which their enemies made up.
• Tiberius storms out partway through his episode and the rest of the narrative has him played by a sock puppet voiced by Caligula doing a falsetto.
• Caligula attempts to sic the Praetorian guards on the narrator for making up filthy lies about him. Like, he’s still a huge dick, just not in the way the narrator claims.
• Claudius just wants to teach the audience cool facts about the Etruscans but the narrator talks over him.
• Nero is actually a Korean boy band singer who keeps trying to explain to people he’s a musician, not the emperor, and isn’t sure what he’s doing in ancient Rome. No one listens.
• Galba is played by Rob Halford, the “stately homo of heavy metal.”
• Galba, Otho and Vitellius have to share an episode, and even then the narrator half-asses it and leaves with 10 minutes of runtime to fill, at which point the characters (including the dead ones) break into the production studio and reveal the narrator is Suetonius.