We need a Cabin in the Woods-esque meta horror movie about a small Hallmark Christmas movie town. Some one from that small town is visiting and she’s confused as hell - she grew up in this dumphole, last time she was there it was a mess of poverty and drug use and crumbling infrastructure. She moved away to the city as soon as she could, but it’s only been a few short years since she visited. Now? Every house has a perfect white picket fence, is decorated elaborately for Christmas, every family is smiling and cheerful, everyone is employed but specifically at cute little small shops that the protagonist didn’t think can possibly be sustainable. Like, really, a whole store just for scented pinecones? And yet, Debbie who sells those pinecones has a four-bedroom house and her kids are all wearing the latest fashions. The town square has gone from a quiet half-empty tiny collection of buildings and is now a bustling and beautifully decorated sight to behold. Anyway the whole damn thing is some kind of holiday curse and the protagonist has to solve the mystery while avoiding the hunky man who exclusively sells reindeer-shaped cookies