I know we’ve talked about all the ways, “I hate all men EXCEPT trans men”, is generally painting us not reeaallllyyy men which is fucked up, but it’s also a nerve wracking position to find yourself in. Yes, I am incredibly hostile to people very much like you, but you’re my exception. Who knows what will cause me to take that Exception card away from you, and when. Are you really not the enemy? Are you? Are you? Haha just checking no pressure do as I say.
In some ways, I can really understand wanting men who are safer and more understanding but like, this is scary to be on the other end of. It’s controlling and you have power over me. I’m literally transgender.
@ashelyskies I hope it’s ok for me to screenshot your tags, I just really want both parts on my blog.
If you can’t be normal about men, then you can’t be normal about trans people.
There’s no way to be an ally to all trans people and keep the idea that “We Are Made Better Than Them” gender system. Both binary and nonbinary trans people occasionally fall into villainizing other genders or gender itself or everyone except whoever they have decided is an acceptable target. Cis people are also quite prone to this, it is the basis of both cisexism and sexism generally.
Tribalism can be quite seductive when one is hurt, it can feel very safe and difficult to question, even in very queer spaces it can thrive to a toxic degree. But these ideas of Just Us and Never Them can be questioned, understood, and gently removed from your thinking in compassion, if you commit to doing so. To be good queer family means protecting yourself as an individual yes, but it also means learning about and from your fellows too. I believe in trusting your experience but I also believe as a queer I only know some of these things first hand and have to be allied with the queers different from me.
Sometimes the answer is in fact annoyingly back to basics:
Cis is not better, nor is it bad.
Trans is not better, nor is it bad
Feminine is not better, nor is it bad
Masculine is not better, nor is it bad
Androgyny is not better, nor is it bad
Agender is not better, nor is it bad
Woman is not better, nor is it bad
Man is not better, nor is it bad
Multi gender identities are not better, nor are they bad
Etc etc
These all are modes of human, they matter because they matter to us. There is good in all modes of gender identity and gender expression as human behaviors. There are bad actors in every identity, because no identity in of itself prevents bad behavior.
Bio essentialism is the name of the mode of thinking that leads to inherent goodness being tied to some physical trait or essential born with “essence” It is never actually evidence based and is a profoundly emotive belief that is common place even in activist circles, still.
There is no evil gender guys. And when you treat trans men or certain trans masculine people like we’re evil gender light um, we can tell.
