Now that I work with a bunch of homophobes, I feel the weight of being a ‘one of us.’
“Why are women so — oh but not you, you’re different.”
“Why are gays so–’ but you’re not like them, you’re more like us.”
Krusty The Bird Killer rants for five minutes about black women being 'sluts that all have eight kids with different fathers because they’ll lay with anything that moves,’ and then talk sweet to our secretary, a black woman in her 40s who doesnt seem to count as a black woman when he’s ranting.
I’ve been trying to put words to this behavior for awhile now. And I think it just comes down to 'us vs them.’
I showed up to work in a cowboy hat and work boots, wasnt afraid of the men’s room, and lifted a 50 pound trash bag full of dog shit on my first day. I’m not like other women to them. I dont count. I’m one of us.
I talk about my girlfriend in a quiet way: I dont declare queer supremacy and I dont make my whole life about being queer and oppressed. I’m not like other lesbians. I dont count. I’m one of us.
They dont know me. They dont know my girly interests and they dont know about my political art pieces and they dont know about the fake eyelashes that I wore during pride. They certainly dont know I’m trans.
I passed their test. I’m 'one of the dudes.’
I’m really not, though.
If they saw me outside of work, I would be a Them. But they got to know me first. I’m in their list of “thems that are us.” And every them that they meet can be an us. But they dont go out of their way to meet many thems.
I’m a Gay. I’m not the Gays. I’m (to them) a woman. I’m not Women. The secretary is black. But shes not The Blacks (pardon the phrasing, it hurt me to even type it that way.)
Every person is the stereotype of their group until someone gets to know them. But that doesn’t disprove the stereotype- it just means that the person doesnt count as part of that group anymore. They’re with us now.
Respectability politics really dont get us anywhere. If you’re out to disprove the stereotype out of a sense that you’ll change their minds, I’m telling you that energy is better spent living authentically if you are safe to do so.
Your influence on them doesnt change their perception of the box they put you in. They just put you in a smaller box. Fuck their opinions.