Evidence Undermines ‘Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria’ Claims
“Parents can often be the last to know about their child’s gender identity, Ehrensaft says. Coming out can be terrifying for many transgender kids. Family members often respond with violence or distrust or may even kick the child out of the house. Almost 40 percent of transgender youth experience homelessness or housing instability, according to a 2022 report from the Trevor Project, a nonprofit that provides crisis support for young LGBTQ+ people. Many kids who wait to discuss their gender identity with their parents before appearing to “suddenly” come out are simply keeping themselves safe, Ehrensaft says.
”‘It is not rapid-onset gender dysphoria,’ she says. 'It’s rapid-onset parental discovery.’“
I’ve been saying for years that when someone comes out as trans, it only seems rapid to you, because they’ve been secretly living with it for years. There’s a mountain of stuff they need to figure out, and virtually nobody to discuss it with.
If you have a trans kid, and you think about it… you might actually recall your son asking "would you still love me if I was a girl?” when he was five, or your daughter saying “I don’t feel like I was supposed to be a girl” when she was nine.
And you might recall what you said, and how you said it, and how awful it might have been for them to hear. Because you didn’t know. How could you? Even they didn’t know, not really.
Or then again, maybe you don’t recall. Because for them, it was an important conversation, and for you it was Tuesday.
No trans person just wakes up one morning and says “I think I’m trans.” It’s a long and difficult process they go through very much alone, and it sure would be nice if you didn’t make it harder for them when they start sharing.