There is functionally no difference between doing something nice because you actually care and doing something nice because it makes you feel good or because you think you’re obligated to.
A charity does not care if you’re only donating because your religion says you should; either way, your money is still going to help people. That little old lady next door does not care if you only help her with gardening because being thanked makes you feel good, it’s just nice to have some extra hands.
“Fake it til you make it,” is a phrase for a reason but it’s also okay if you NEVER make it, if you never feel the “correct” emotions behind your actions. Your thoughts and feelings matter considerably less than the impact your actions have on other people.
It’s like that story about the man who was going to donate to the hospital so he could get his name on a plaque, then realizes his motives were self-aggrandizing and spiralled on whether he should donate at all. At last he asked his rabbi, who said. “The sick in the hospital don’t care if you just did it to puff yourself up. Don’t shy away from doing the good thing just because you cannot do it perfectly!”
What an utterly cruel thing to tag this post with while completely missing the point. This post was about reassuring people with low and non-existent empathy that they are capable of being kind and doing good, even when they aren’t feeling the “right” emotions.
If someone does good for gratitude, as opposed to genuine care, that’s better than doing nothing out of apathy or a belief that nothing good you do matters because your motivation is selfish.
