So I found out a few months ago that wanting to ‘not exist’ or wishing you could ‘just sleep forever’ is also considered suicidal (specifically suicidal idealization). It shocked me cause I used to think that way when I was younger but had previously thought that being suicidal meant explicitly wanting to die.. but it actually involves wanting to not live too.
I think its an important thing to note cause it might allow someone to realize the severity of their condition earlier.
This was the funniest thing to me. Because I was talking to a counselor, and they were like “Are you suicidal?”
“No not really. But sometimes I don’t want to exist though”
“You do know that’s suicidal ideation?”
“…what?”
I wish I kind of knew before. Like honestly, we know so little about mental health.
Same goes for wanting to run away, I had this urge for the longest time, to just leave, I thought it was because I was looking for thrill or something but after a few dozen times of googling “why do I want to run away so badly?” And “is it normal to want to run away?” I found out that that’s also a symptom of depression and suicidal idealization, obviously not as strong but definetly also a part that’s not talked about a lot
Hey, this goes for the “I just wish time would stop for a while.” too.
A rare form, but those who desire the entire world enter a stasis-like state so they can have the time and escape they need is still a part of the desire to escape at any cost.
There are many forms of suicidal idealization, not all involve active, or even passive suicide.
If you spend a lot of time thinking of ways to escape, possible or impossible, consider speaking to a good therapist whom you connect with.