How to hide things online from abusive parents.
(A post by someone who is currently going through this.)
note: this is just from my experience. These tips may not help everyone, as privacy-invading abusive parents have so many different tactics and i probably won’t be able to cover all of them.
Here are some tips and tricks.
- never fucking do anything in a public browser. You don’t know how many times I’ve gotten in trouble and they’ve found out shit bc they installed a tracker I didn’t know about. Private browsers block most trackers and make me feel more secure in what I’m doing.
- If youre forbidden to use apps but can still download them, make sure to hide your tracks. Redownloading apps at night to use is a lifesaver.
- If you can’t download apps without your parents’ permission (through some sort of parental controls on your device), most social medias can be accessed through a web browser. You can use Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter and Instagram through browsers. If you can’t download the app, it’ll work just as well.
- Turn notifications for forbidden apps off. This will make sure you won’t get random pings from your phone, because if you do, it’s likely these types of parents will ask where that’s from/who’s texting you/etc.
- If you’re on social media that they don’t follow/alt accounts/etc, never use your real/legal name on them, ESPECIALLY not your last name. They can search you online by searching your name, and they can find you. This is one of the easiest ways that they can get access to your accounts that you cant have them see.
- If you’re texting people you shouldn’t, like online friends or people your parents don’t know you know, change their contact name to someone “safe”. I don’t have many irl friends now, so I change most of my contacts, which are online friends, to people I used to be friends with. This helps because its a foolproof way to tell your parents “no, I’m really texting [insert known friend here]”, and they can’t question you because you can literally show them the contact name. They have no way to prove it’s a lie.
- Delete all messages that could make them suspicious. Even if you think your parents don’t go as far as reading your texts, they might without telling you. Delete anything that they could deem “bad” or “suspicious” ESPECIALLY messages about their abuse or your mental illness you may suffer because of their abuse.
- Adding on to that, if youre talking to online friends and have set their contact name as something else, make sure to add ”filler messages”. For example, I made one of my close online friend’s contact name someone who I go to a DnD club at school with, so I added a filler message of “Hey are you coming to Dungeons and Dragons?” and told him to respond with “Yeah”. This way, you’ll have covered your tracks even more, and they’ll have every reason to think youre just talking to this guy from DnD, or an old friend, or someone you’ve met at school.
- If you have irl friends who follow your social media, never post anything concerning. This includes venting, details of past trauma, mental illness things, anything that would make them go “Oh wow, I need to tell an adult.” Because guess what they’ll do? They’ll tell their parents, who will tell yours. That means: you get hurt.
- Never fucking leave your device out in the open!!! I added the exclamation points because this is something that can very much fuck you up so easily. Make sure your device is on you at all times, or you have view of it. As much as you’re being sneaky to get around your parents, abusive parents, especially this type, can get very sneaky as well. Privacy invasion is usually something done without you knowing. They could even quickly grab your device and look at it while you’re in the bathroom or taking a shower! I promise this tip is one of the most important. Unless they have a tracker on your device that they can use without seeing your device/having it close by, this is how you avoid them searching your device without you knowing.
- Lastly, don’t ever believe you are safe here. You’re looking at this post for a reason. Privacy-invading parents are often very fucking sneaky and snake-like about what they do. You may not even know it’s happening. They create an illusion of a safe, trusting environment with no invasion, but there could be so much more they are doing behind your back. Always have your guard up. Always be ready for a search.
These are my tips, as someone whose blog is a whole secret from my parents. I’m so sorry if this doesn’t work… this situation of no privacy is incredibly hard to be in, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.
Please stay safe.