inkskinned:
the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i’m embarrassed of - this was not me being a “girl’s girl.”
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn’t what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you’re not performing girlhood correctly. it isn’t as easy as “i liked x when girls liked y” - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer “i made this choice and I love it.” instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn’t having kids. instead it’s long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you’re going to kill them. instead it is “this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you’re making.”
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don’t have this, you aren’t happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i’m not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they’re trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can’t you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she’s shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you’d be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you’re sitting there thinking: i’d actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
I agree we really need to figure out a counter narrative to the tradeife movement I see as many young women falling down the tradwife rightwing rabbit hole as young men getting radicalized.
But especially as the economy tanks, making it more difficult for women to achieve economic independence the lure of being a tradwife will only get stronger.
I find framing it in terms of financial independence to be a lot less stigmatized than most other responses. It’s not that you’re criticizing her life choices it’s that you’re worried without financial independence she could become trapped in a cycle of abuse or find herself without job prospects or experience in the event of divorce or becoming widowed.
Our grandmothers worried about these things. Our grandmothers hoarded jewelry, silver and gold as the only monetary safety net they could amass. Our grandmothers couldn’t open a bank account or line of credit without a husband. We do not want to go back to that reality.
I also want to express how seen I felt in the phrase
“not performing girlhood correctly”
As a child I was regularly ostracized and harassed by my peers and elders for not performing girlhood correctly. I was queer and brown and awkward and anxious and very book smart but people dumb.
Girlhood was painful and awkward and difficult. And I was never allowed to forget for a moment that I was doing it wrong and badly.
Imagine my shock and surprise when I discovered that womanhood is actually something that I excel at. It’s an incredibly weird experience to tumble accidentally into presenting as a societal ideal after being a social outcast for so long. It gives you an interesting perspective
Maybe it’s masking, maybe it’s Maybelline -Experiencing kindness and grace from strangers when you’re used to being ignored and intentionally closed out of social opportunities at best is a hell of a growing up experience.
