why did you people come up with russian names for what is supposed to be a movie set in italy. what was the thought process here. why does she sound like she walked out of a tolstoy novel
an insane response, but i can’t fight this. carry on
So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:
A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.
What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”
After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase “human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”
This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:
This is the funniest post I have ever read on Tumblr for so many…many reasons.
I still won’t forget when my wisdom tooth got infected and couldn’t sleep bc the pain was so bad and I took like 4 of those those blue gel ibuprofens and I finally fell asleep for a couple hours and kept having dreams about beautiful glowing blue animals that help you and I kept waking up thinking the blue animals will help me and realizing wait what are blue animals they aren’t real and immediately falling back asleep thinking about the blue animals again
Having to clean the shower is so fucking annoying. It’s clean in there. That’s where I go to get clean. It’s clean dude trust me. Stop fucking growing bacteria and stuff man this is the clean locale. You’re embarrassing me in front of the sink
Daddy has a very special task for you today kitten, so he’s going to need alllll of your attention and submission ❤️😈 That’s a good girl. Now, first thing’s first, look at this parts diagram for a 2009 Toyota Prius. Do you see the part labeled “catalytic converter”?
so we’re just not gonna have a national conversation about how Boeing killed one of their own employees to keep him from talking to the press
like we’re really not gonna address the fact that he died of a “self inflicted head wound” literal hours after Boeings lawyers asked him to stay an extra day. We’re not gonna speak on the fact that he told his family “if I die, it wasn’t suicide ” before he went to go testify. None of it huh
Oh? You haven’t heard? I’m not surprised with how hard the media are parrying it
I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money.
“A scam” people are fucking wild.
This happened to me, too. A woman had used WIC for the majority of her stuff (which I say from personal experience is such a long and embarrassing process) and to buy the remainder of her groceries, which included diapers and wipes, she used a card, and it got declined. I bought the other $30 of her groceries because hey, I’ve been there, and now I’m not. She was extremely emotional and began to cry and even hugged me. My mom called me on the drive home and could tell I had been crying myself, asked what was wrong, and when I told her what happened, she berated me for being “duped.” I couldn’t believe she could be so disappointed in one of her children for doing something- nice? Is that the hill you want to die on? Getting mad about people needing groceries?
I once paid for a woman’s bill at the vet…it wasn’t a big one, but she was trying to pay for some medication for her dog, and her card was declined. And her lip started trembling, and she says “I don’t get paid until Tuesday, would he be ok until then?”
So I just told them to add the $20 something onto my bill, and I thought she was going to break down crying right there.
And I don’t care if it was a scam or not. Just do nice things for people sometimes.
Do good recklessly.
I think “Do good recklessly” would be fantastic word art to hang on one’s wall. Artistic people, go!
So this has happened to me but from the other side. Several years ago when my oldest was around three or so, I had my debit card decline at Walmart. It wasn’t a scam or a mistake, I was genuinely broke. Out of money. I checked my bank and discovered I had something like 7 dollars left to my name and a hungry kid and nothing to eat at home. So I sat there trying to come up with the best way to stretch that tiny amount of money to feed my kid. Not even to feed me. I can live on popcorn or something if I have to but my kid was three and he had to eat. So there I am trying really hard not to cry while I slowly take things out of my basket to get it down to under 7 bucks, when a lady tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up and she smiled at me and started putting the things back in my cart. I opened my mouth to tell her that I didn’t have the money for them but she stopped me right away and said “Don’t worry about it. It’s gonna be fine.” Then she handed the cashier her credit card and said “Ring up all of it.” My kid got to eat because of her. I got to eat because of her. I had laundry soap and deodorant because of her. She could’ve just ignored me silently struggling in that line. She could’ve decided I was a scam and gone home feeling good about avoiding being duped. But instead she chose to help me and she saved us. So maybe the person struggling in front of you is trying to put one over on you or maybe they are just sad and broke and trying to figure out what to do. You get to decide which you want to believe and what you want to do. But I’ll tell y’all, no one has ever been more beautiful to me than that lady in that line who saved me and my baby. Be like her. Be beautiful.
Do good recklessly
DO BETTER. BE BETTER. STRIVE TO BE BETTER.
DO GOOD RECKLESSLY
One time, my dad and I were living the grocery store and there was a guy outside asking for money to buy some stuff to take home for his kids. It was around Christmas time. My dad asked him if he could give him groceries instead of money, and the guy immediately said yes, so my dad gave him one of everything we bought (meat, rice, some chocolates, milk, oil). At that time, my dad hadn’t gotten his paycheck because the company he worked for was going through a tough time, but he didn’t care, he saw an opportunity to help someone and he did.
Another time, my dad gave 50 bucks to a guy who said he needed to buy medicine for his kids. I told my dad he was probably going to spend the money on alcohol or something, but my dad said that “whether he was lying or not says something about HIS character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine”.
I never forget that.
“whether he was lying or not says something about HIS character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine”
louder, for the people in the back
Part of being a Warrior is doing good recklessly.
-FemaleWarrior, She/They
About a decade ago, I was trying to figure out how to put together a holiday meal for my little household, with only $7 to my name. We were joking around about it and stuff, because it’s better to laugh than cry, and this very nice older lady noticed us, and said it looked like we were having fun. I laughed, and told her what we were doing, and she insisted, then and there, on giving us $20 to help us out. We tried telling her we’d be fine, but she would not take no for an answer.
It’s not the first time a stranger’s kindness has helped me during a rough time, but every time it’s happened, it’s made such a huge difference.
If I refused to help out in turn when I can just because the person in need MIGHT be a scammer, it would feel like spitting on the kindness that was shown to me.
I feel like the thing thats really different about the polish trans experience is that because the language is heavily gendered and asking about a persons gender is very much not normalized, now that my body looks mostly androgynous people started referring to me with grammatical forms that have never been uttered by human tongue before. Last week a woman couldn’t decide what gender I was so after trying several she settled on speaking to me in plural and infinitive
we need personally tailored hormone cocktails. if u want estrogen curves a non functional dick and a flat chest u should be able to get that. if u want huge tits hard cock huge loads we should promote that. when i’m president we’ll kill all real estate agents in the street like dogs.
this is the saddest fucking thing. wheres that post about when you cant even write a poem about it because its just there already
if you germinate cucumber seeds in the dark vs. in the light the ones grown in the light will look normal and the ones grown in the dark actually won’t be stunted in the way you might predict, these seedlings grow into pale yellow plants with smaller leaves because they expend every ounce of energy they have into growing as tall as they can possibly endure, in the dark they grow much faster and taller than they do in the light, because they don’t know they’re an experimental treatment kept in the dark, they think they’re buried alive in the soil or under some foliage and they’re growing upwards trying to break through into the light. its the most obvious thing in the world and also the most devastating
[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]
We need socialism just don’t call it that. Call it “real american freedom” and let people believe that it’s just a cool new form of patriotism. If anyone calls it socialism just tell them “No it’s not, its true patriotism, and you just hate Americans!” And we’ll slowly drag this shithole country back into something that actually fucking works
We need a system that’s done nothing but fail and create dictatorships?
Baby bird season is incoming and I’d like to remind everyone that birds do not have a significant sense of smell. Bird parents will not reject birdlets because you have handled them.
If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.
If you see smol birbs with some or most feathers on the ground, please leave them there, as bird parents are probably nearby watching and feeding.
nakey bird = accidentally fell out, is cold and scared, put back in nest! if you can’t reach the nest, try to put it on a wide branch or fork so predators can’t get at it as easily.
scruffy feather bird = starting to try the fly thing, not very good at it. only put in nest/branch if predators abound, i.e. you have four outdoor cats and they’re licking their chops.
fluffy feather bird = smol fly guy! do nothing. can probably get away from predators and will flip its shit if you pick it up.
Reblogging this because I’d always heard the ‘Don’t touch a distressed bird its mom will reject it’ thing treated as fact before now, I didn’t realise it wasn’t true…
Baby bird season is incoming and I’d like to remind everyone that birds do not have a significant sense of smell. Bird parents will not reject birdlets because you have handled them.
If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.
If you see smol birbs with some or most feathers on the ground, please leave them there, as bird parents are probably nearby watching and feeding.
nakey bird = accidentally fell out, is cold and scared, put back in nest! if you can’t reach the nest, try to put it on a wide branch or fork so predators can’t get at it as easily.
scruffy feather bird = starting to try the fly thing, not very good at it. only put in nest/branch if predators abound, i.e. you have four outdoor cats and they’re licking their chops.
fluffy feather bird = smol fly guy! do nothing. can probably get away from predators and will flip its shit if you pick it up.
Reblogging this because I’d always heard the ‘Don’t touch a distressed bird its mom will reject it’ thing treated as fact before now, I didn’t realise it wasn’t true…
Round 1 - It is time to vote for your favourite cardinals and see who should win the pope vote according to the tumblr population. Every poll runs for a day. The first round will be 4 cardinals each and after that there will be 2 cardinal per poll
Propaganda is encouraged for your favourite cardinals (as are any artistic endeavours of course), but please don’t insult each other.
Consider locking yourself in a room while you vote to make it seem more real
Round 1 - It is time to vote for your favourite cardinals and see who should win the pope vote according to the tumblr population. Every poll runs for a day. The first round will be 4 cardinals each and after that there will be 2 cardinal per poll
Propaganda is encouraged for your favourite cardinals (as are any artistic endeavours of course), but please don’t insult each other.
Consider locking yourself in a room while you vote to make it seem more real
This is exactly how big cats take down larger prey animals - jump on the back and sever the spinal cord. Had it not been for their anti-cat armor, this child would have been lunch.
New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep
Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep
I Am So Fucking Tired
Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went “wow, it has a reblog already?” And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.
I actually wasn’t that far off you guys
HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED
Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.
the other day one of my coworkers halfway referenced the spiders georg post but stopped before he actually reached the spiders georg part. like. I can’t be sure that that’s what he was doing but one coworker said “yknow. people swallow several spiders every year” and my other coworker said “well that’s just- it’s not true. it’s a- no, you’d wake up” and just. there was a look in his eyes. I just know
waging psychological warfare against one of my team leads starting tomorrow
