February 2025

anthysoprano:

using the bus tracker app is like. oh it’s going to be here in three minutes. now it’s five minutes. oh the bus has killed itself

nem23:

horseavoider-deactivated2025020:

article about my horse-mulching hobby

amateur:

nimcest:

That day you realized you can just beat the shit out of people until they pass out or die.

omtai:

love the word “rapscallion”. like not only are you a rascal but you’re also kind of spring onion about it too

smegmafactory4prez:

Sorry I commented “fag alert” on a picture of your newborn baby 🙄

pharma-serf:

american-boyboss:

dorothylarouge:

The communists want to take away YOUR MOLD

yoogunhyuk:

big fan of the term “sex pervert”. what other kinds of pervert are there. inquiring minds want to know

yaoist:

toskarin:

“none of these words are in the bible” you’re not even reading the secret part of the bible. with all my posts in it

– Joseph Smith

skatalite:

medievaljournalist:

the new US dollar, will feature a image of a dark spirit, which will be called a ‘wraith dollar’ and worth 2x as much

wifegideonnav:

underestimated-heroine:

parasitoidism:

parasitoidism:

The celebrity Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors being some of the best ones is like the retail equivalent of having to go to a restaurant and order a rootin tootin yeehaw cowboy burger or something

The Tonight Dough is a downright hedonistic ice cream flavor concept but in order to obtain it you have to purchase a pint of ice cream with Jimmy Fallon’s face on it and then see him in your freezer every day for a week

ALT

why are there so many tonight dough posts

anishenanigans:

they’re adding new pvp features to pinterest

1hoverman0k:

my camel straight up told me “man i am not carrying another fucking straw” like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

mandatory-ftmbreeder:

bro don’t waste money buying a fleshlight I’m literally right here

hildegards-abbey:

Painting of a cat emerging from a small body of water

cinturongazo:

cinturongazo:

ALT

fucccck if only there was a way to fix this

dont worry straight woman, thats a normal desire. stand still now

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slopmaster9000:

p3terpaan:

just got the single funniest autocorrect from my mum a few minutes ago.

skippyisntfunny:

valtsv:

valtsv:

i’ve been ruined by the phrase “i’m sorry women” i’m literally addicted to it. bumped into a guy on the train and automatically said “i’m sorry women” with a completely straight face. he didn’t even ask me to repeat myself. one look at my face and he knew i was beyond help.

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bunniope:

bunniope:

okay. which of you motherfuckers taught my vile little homunculus how to put on eyeliner

it is fucking serving.

gimmeabraig:

house md is awesome

antimony-ore:

shamebats:

patient is allergic to gingerbread drug

whitepeopletwitter:

sweet-honey-blue:

here are my favorite moomin comic panels because why not

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infectiouspiss:

a second bumblebee has hit the flowers

sweets-system:

Someone hit me with their car and I got isekai’d to a world that’s really similar to my old one except in this one my collarbone is mysteriously broken

sharkjumpers:

Only the meek will get this

gummybearattacktheworldofdespair:

bonesbeetle:

there’s a stage in sandwich consumption where it’s falling to pieces & you’re desperately cupping it in your hands & it’s like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die

deep-state-partisan:

lovelesswav:

redbuddi:

silverpolish:

my goal for 2025 is small simple and clear: change my whole entire life

youdonthavetogotocollege:

Most intriguing sentence ever

iamoutofideas:

he made all of these

teaboot:

teaboot:

I’m a bag of anxiety but also dense as fuck which is a great combo in social situations because when I screw up it plays off as sheer confidence

“Eating a sandwich,” I answer happily, to what seems to be a positive reception. I finish my lunch and leave the cafeteria. Halfway to class I realize that junior kid meant “what’s your major at this institute,” not “what brings you to the cafeteria” when he asked what I was doing here. He laughed at my dry humor, thinking my jape funny. Little does he know, I am but a witless fool. I will now stress binge an entire loaf of pretzel bread and sleep for twelve hours

krafterwrites:

I’ve been crying laughing from this for the last 5 minutes

eldritchsquared:

pulpfanfiction:

white boy shocks waiter by ordering in terrible chinese and then killing himself at the table

innerchildabortionclinic:

dantes-infernal-chili:

innerchildabortionclinic:

coffee makes you have to pee SO much i’m like maos wife over here

I have to google something

google will probably not help with this one I won’t lie

cipheramnesia:

White boy shocks everyone at the restaurant by emitting a massive electromagnetic pulse

molabuddy:

daughter-of-sapph0:

thanks, google ai