creepymutelilbugger:

fearsome fangs friday!!!!!!!!!! bite everyone

escuerzoresucitado:

thegeekgene:

Someone at an old job asked why I wanted to write up the meeting minutes for our team and I said ‘i wanna control the narrative’ and they were like 'what’ and I pointed out that no one was gonna remember what we said in six months and so my interpretation of the meeting would dictate the assumed reality of what happened

“none of you ever send corrections when I offer the draft so y'all have consented to my version”

“we don’t read that shit”

“you must trust me implicitly to create our shared reality that’s so sweet”

That’s how several coworkers decided I was a supervillain and how I learned several coworkers didn’t understand record keeping as like a CONCEPT

thegeekgene:

Someone at an old job asked why I wanted to write up the meeting minutes for our team and I said ‘i wanna control the narrative’ and they were like 'what’ and I pointed out that no one was gonna remember what we said in six months and so my interpretation of the meeting would dictate the assumed reality of what happened

“none of you ever send corrections when I offer the draft so y'all have consented to my version”

“we don’t read that shit”

“you must trust me implicitly to create our shared reality that’s so sweet”

That’s how several coworkers decided I was a supervillain and how I learned several coworkers didn’t understand record keeping as like a CONCEPT

deep-down-in-drowsy-town:

orcboxer:

tod–waggner:

tod–waggner:

Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

NEVERMIND MY GRANDMA JUST SAID SKILL ISSUE

you grow a beautiful tree and then balk at its fruits?

Another example: currently in France, and the levels of franglais I witness among young French people…

Il ATE

Ça c’est un SLAY

Un vrai BANGER

and more nonsensical ones like:

Ça donne LE SMILE

miltonlibassistantn1fan:

Entity of pure hate and malice just did a cute pose and made heart hands after killing everyone in its path

moldavite:

hanging from the meat hook all by yourself, handsome?

rk9:

lindendragon:

zayshah:

captain-price-unofficially:

I’m Diné (Navajo) and in high school I was put in some kind of group for native kids. It was run by a white woman who told us that if we were ever in class and feeling overwhelmed, we had permission to just up and leave class to go wander around outside and reconnect with nature. We all took advantage of this regularly

the implication she thought you were like, forest fairies that had to periodically connect with nature to regain your strength is the most racist but also kinda funny thing I ever heard

Why would you leave this absolute gem in the tags

momoro66:

ladymariayuri:

thecottageinthedark:

status-quo-hater:

Rating responses I get to telling someone that I am intersex

(Inspired by this post about polyamory!)

“So you are nonbinary?” - Not really. Not an annoying question on its own but people will run with this misconception unless you correct them 5/10

“Omg.. is that like this super rare medical condition I heard about [describes intersex variation they saw on a medical drama]” - i don’t mind this question too much because it’s a good segway to talk about intersex rep in media. Loses points because it usually involves me being reminded of Dr. House. 6/10

“I never knew that could happen” good honest response, comes from a place of innocent ignorance. (But also reminds me of systematic intersex erasure) 7/10

“So you’re a hermaphrodite?” - yeah I guess. But that’s a slur so don’t say it. People usually just didn’t know. 5/10

“Huh I think that’s fascinating” - what am I a colorful slime mold 5/10

“You do you!! Love is love!!!!” - thanks? I’m not really doing anything. Do you understand what that word means? Kinda funny but also exhausting 6/10

“You can do whatever you want with your body just keep kids out of it.” - rightwinger transphobia brain slop alert. Also the added irony of saying this to an intersex person 2/10

“So uh..” (lip bite) “what’s your downstairs situation” - so the bulge in my pants is actually a big knife. Sometimes chasers can be funny but mostly 4/10

“I thought the correct term was DSD” - reminds me of TERFs, doctor visits, and eugenics 1/10

“I wish I was a intersex. I want to transition to be a hermaphrodite.” - AUGGHH.. so much shit wrong with this and I feel obligated to explain and then the person gets defensive and thinks I’m attacking their transness and not the intersexism 1/10

“So that’s why you look like that” - yes that is indeed why I look like that 6/10

“I thought that was made up / mythology / only in fantasy” - yeah I’m kind of like a cartoon character so I guess it checks out 6/10

“Oh cool, I’ve never met someone who was openly intersex :-)” - good response! Good acknowledging of non-open/unknowing intersex people! 10/10

“Holy shit no way me too???” - WOOOO instant new bestie 100/10

“I’m not intersex but I have [condition commonly accepted as intersex] so I relate.” - babe. Guess what. 9/10

“Is that a trans thing” - Not really but it is related. I don’t mind explaining how we’re similar but different. 5/10

“My fursona is intersex :)” - if this is coming from a perisex person, they probably mean their fursona has a penis and a vagina 3/10 - if it’s coming from an intersex person 10/10

“Oh.. I’m so sorry.. :(” - for what. It’s not a fucking disease 1/10

“Omg so you’re like a futa irl that is so hot” - watch less porn -100/10

(Not a comprehensive list!)

(I edited the post to add some I forgot!)

BTW you don’t need to say ‘yeah i guess’ to people calling you a hermaphrodite, and not just because it’s a slur. The word hermaphrodite Means A Thing biologically and that thing does not cover intersex humans.

Hermaphrodites are lifeforms that produce both male and female gametes, i.e. sex cells. Some intersex conditions that humans can have involve the body creating both ovarian and testicular tissue, but not all of them, and I don’t think there’s any intersex conditions that render people capable of producing both sperm and eggs.

I’m not intersex myself so I apologise if this is overstepping, but I do have an Interest in biology and learnt about this via reading about the reproductive behaviours and systems of species that do have genuinely hermaphroditic individuals. I also see a fair amount of people who should know better pointing at intersex animals (such as bilateral gynandromorph birds) and cheerfully declaring them to be 'trans’ or 'nonbinary’ or other wrong terms. I imagine that’s even more annoying for you than it is for me…

moralintern:

do other countries say slip slop slap or are Australians the only ones capable of coming up with st like that

mrsterlingeverything:

r u a bug or a toy. dont hit me with that whats this mean shit fuck you

bug

toy

See Results

cutest-silly-nb:

cutest-silly-nb:

inside me there are two lungs. and one liver. one stomach. a few meters of intestine. there’s a lot inside me actually

this is the funniest thing i’ve read all day

pocket-deer-boy:

snakegirltongue:

pocket-deer-boy:

did you know you can reblog a post without adding things to it

Ok this one’s allowed cause its freakyyyyyyy

simplysebby:

In relation to recent discourse

karalora:

ovenroastedtwerkey:

shadow-banned-the-hedgehog:

storm-of-feathers:

squareallworthy:

disgruntled-neighborhood-wife:

People who think sheep are killed for their wool are so hilarious to me. Does your barber slit your throat whenever you get a haircut?? Are you a returning customer to Sweeney Todd? Lmao it grows back, fools.

This is completely ignoring the fact that the sheep’s soul is stored in its wool. So sure, the body remains, but the spirit, the essence of the sheep, that’s gone forever, and then as the wool regrows a new soul moves in.

What

Same for me, I get a new soul with every haircut. That’s why my personality changes so much.

Tumblr citizenship means being completely unsure if the person posting about sheep souls is being 100% serious or is just taking the piss.

how dare you say we piss on those poor sheep, haven’t they suffered enough

onionpug:

calebwittebane:

i believe “nothingburger” is the cowardly enemy of the humble and kind everything bagel

the unremarkable milquetoast sits somewhere in between

were–ralph:

barakemono3:

Source

toldasor:

superkursunaskr:

grapefruitpeelz:

brucebocchi:

ID: a tweet by user @ hagfail that reads, “It was removed from Tubu. Heebee sold the IP. Poodee won’t play it in your region. It’s not on Dippy. You can’t find it on Weeno. Gumpy lost the rights to Pheebo. Poob was removed from the app store. The FBI gave issued a warning to Poob. 3 Poob executives were arrested today.” End ID

realdonkeykong:

legov7:

poondragoon:

bogleech:

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

From top-of-frame, a month flutters into the wallet. Confused, the bat looks “up” to see an equally-confused human standing “above” her, holding an open wallet containing a single $100 bill.

Camera rotates to reveal bat has been hanging upside down above a human doing the exact same visual gag and each ruined the other’s bit.

Laugh track.

ALT

All so true. Why is the human Jon Arbuckle

realdonkeykong:

legov7:

poondragoon:

bogleech:

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

From top-of-frame, a month flutters into the wallet. Confused, the bat looks “up” to see an equally-confused human standing “above” her, holding an open wallet containing a single $100 bill.

Camera rotates to reveal bat has been hanging upside down above a human doing the exact same visual gag and each ruined the other’s bit.

Laugh track.

ALT

All so true. Why is the human Jon Arbuckle

bewbin:

bewbin:

if you are a normal sized human being who overdrafts at the bank youd have to pay a fee or fine but if your a giant you’d pay a fo or fum

catchymemes:

estrogenesis-evangelion:

orangeshortstuff:

yangsass:

vnusplanetoflove:

vnusplanetoflove:

losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore

obsessed with this tag

losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore
went out in public so we hit her with a broomcore

the girl in question

THE GIRL IN QUESTION

chaotic-neutral-knitter:

at work straight up “slackin it” and by “it”, hahah, well, lets justr say. I am not doing my job.

uredrunk:

creatures-in-posts:

augusthasfallen:

carfuckerlynch:

ourlordapollo:

The zoo in my hometown posted this picture of one of their cheetah cubs and I’m obsessed

HIS NAME IS YAM ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDINF ME

@creatures-in-posts

Confirmed creature post 🍠

famicom:

famicom:

i really hope all of you know about this scp

this is the highest rated article on the site

mikkeneko:

whimsical-catacombs:

shirt that says “i love redundancy!” on the front and on the back it says “i love redundancy!”

And on the front, it says “i love redundancy!”

soup-mother:

people really do act like being racist about china and chinese people actually makes them more worldly and politically aware.

butchlinkle:

ALT

View on Twitter

really helpful technique ^ once you know how to divide by halves and thirds it makes drawing evenly spaced things in perspective waaay easier:

sparklingsilver:

What is absolutely disgusting is I’ve seen more media coverage about Luigi Mangione than about the Actual Fucking Terrorist that killed 10 people in New Orleans. The 10 that died and the dozens that were injured don’t matter as much as a single CEO.

aqueerkettleofish:

brightlotusmoon:

karpad:

orpheuslament:

thinking of this legend tonight

really doesn’t seem fair she got to outlive him by 30 years.

Gay pride indeed, Tom.

Unfair, yes, but millions of us, upon hearing that she had died, immediately remembered what he did with glee. People younger than 40 or so, if they know of her at all, they know she was the bigot who got pied.

She may have outlived him, and yes, that’s a tragedy, but HE defined her legacy.

waxwing-ed:

crapbirdphotography:

I work at a wildlife rehab and I get tons of crap bird photography every day! This is one of our permanent residents, Holly, a brown pelican Pelecanus occidentalis sassing me for not letting her play with my shoelaces.

(Hopefully easily identifiable birds are allowed)

chelledoggo:

let’s hear it for the nonbinary folks who:

• don’t present androgynously
• use “binary” pronouns in any capacity
• identify partially with a binary gender
• have a “gendered” name
• don’t experience body dysmorphia
• don’t experience gender dysphoria
• DO experience gender dysphoria/body dysmorphia but aren’t sure what gender or body would suit them
• just experience body/gender apathy instead
• can’t be open about their gender identity yet

you’re all absolutely valid.

don’t ever feel like you’re “not nonbinary enough” because you absolutely are! 💖

apollomusing:

gullahboii:

Sometimes it is your fault.. Sometimes you don’t listen well enough, you’re selfish, you’re rude and you aren’t always right. Sometimes you fucked it up and tbh that’s okay. It happens, learn from it, apologize and keep it moving. Just because you fucked up doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Don’t dwell on it

no but this is so important.. it’s so important to just accept you can fuck up you’re allowed to fuck up. you’re allowed to be wrong and it won’t be shameful, it won’t be the worst thing to happen. you’ll either let it go or learn from it and not let it happen again and that’s good.

lesbi-nyan:

eridan-ampora:

tmos-time:

eridan-ampora:

who up dinking they oiter

you fucking know it babeyyyyyyy!!!!!!! #dinkers

lesbi-nyan:

eridan-ampora:

tmos-time:

eridan-ampora:

who up dinking they oiter

you fucking know it babeyyyyyyy!!!!!!! #dinkers

gentleaffirmations:

Remember to pause and notice the moments when you’re feeling good.

It’s natural for the bad moments to stand out brighter in your memory. It takes conscious effort to remember all the peaceful and joyful moments.

tatersgonnatate:

sosickoflostpassword:

Reminder.

This is what the shooter looks like.

Gray jacket. Light gray backpack.

This is what the apparent suspect looked like the same day at Starbucks.

Green/brown jacket and black back pack

Notice lack of unibrow.

Luigi day of arrest.

Unibrow present and stubble on face/neck.

Why is this important? Because Starbucks guy doesn’t have those.

Which leads me to perp walk luigi.

“Oh they must have a great barber lmaooo” no. Stop joking for a second. No one gets this treatment so why him? Because they are trying to make him look like the Starbucks perp. They think we are dumb and will forget shooter Mcgee doesn’t look anything like Starbuck boy.

Luigi said evidence was planted on him like the gun and the manifesto.

I believe this because the manifesto praises the efforts of the policemen on like page one. Like they couldn’t even not suck their own dicks for 3 seconds to plant compelling evidence.

Do not let these people fool you. Luigi did not do this. Even though it’s funny, even though he’s hot even though <insert myriad of excuses I’ve heard here>. Do not let them get away with brainwashing you into believing he did it even if you agree with what happened.

I’m pro UHC shooter.

I’m pro luigi being released because hes innocent.

Pleaseeee read all of this because #LuigiDidNothingWrong

tatersgonnatate:

sosickoflostpassword:

Reminder.

This is what the shooter looks like.

Gray jacket. Light gray backpack.

This is what the apparent suspect looked like the same day at Starbucks.

Green/brown jacket and black back pack

Notice lack of unibrow.

Luigi day of arrest.

Unibrow present and stubble on face/neck.

Why is this important? Because Starbucks guy doesn’t have those.

Which leads me to perp walk luigi.

“Oh they must have a great barber lmaooo” no. Stop joking for a second. No one gets this treatment so why him? Because they are trying to make him look like the Starbucks perp. They think we are dumb and will forget shooter Mcgee doesn’t look anything like Starbuck boy.

Luigi said evidence was planted on him like the gun and the manifesto.

I believe this because the manifesto praises the efforts of the policemen on like page one. Like they couldn’t even not suck their own dicks for 3 seconds to plant compelling evidence.

Do not let these people fool you. Luigi did not do this. Even though it’s funny, even though he’s hot even though <insert myriad of excuses I’ve heard here>. Do not let them get away with brainwashing you into believing he did it even if you agree with what happened.

I’m pro UHC shooter.

I’m pro luigi being released because hes innocent.

Pleaseeee read all of this because #LuigiDidNothingWrong

casualfoxwitch:

boomer-mythology-destroyer:

cpunkhobie:

cpunkhobie:

Being non-binary is like instead of having an angel and a demon on ur shoulder u have a faggot and a dyke

the world is so beautiful everyone’s on their own path

brucebocchi:

gayserblast:

tangledbeast:

sacred-portal:

If it makes you feel any better, he hated it too.

ALT

This is the funniest and saddest sentence I’ve read all week