I have seen this post probably at least 20 times courtesy of @lukadjo, each time passing over it thoughtlessly and only now do I process the bizarreness of it
Hi again lukadjo
It’s me??? On my dashboard??? Sorcery is undoubtedly at play
I have seen this post probably at least 20 times courtesy of @lukadjo, each time passing over it thoughtlessly and only now do I process the bizarreness of it
Hi again lukadjo
It’s me??? On my dashboard??? Sorcery is undoubtedly at play
I have seen this post probably at least 20 times courtesy of @lukadjo, each time passing over it thoughtlessly and only now do I process the bizarreness of it
Hi again lukadjo
It’s me??? On my dashboard??? Sorcery is undoubtedly at play
I have seen this post probably at least 20 times courtesy of @lukadjo, each time passing over it thoughtlessly and only now do I process the bizarreness of it
Hi again lukadjo
It’s me??? On my dashboard??? Sorcery is undoubtedly at play
???????????????????????? is this true? because….she very much does thank him at the end of the movie
it’s in the gravity falls directors commentaries, and I trust his take
thank him while he’s busting his ass for you and you sit there complaining goddamnit
You should see it. It isn’t worth the risk of not seeing it if it’s something that you might even remotely enjoy. Especially based on what one person says, no matter how much you admire or trust them.
He can dislike it, but if the unicorn had been buddy-movie grateful, disney-movie emotional, it would have been a very different, very shallow, MUCH worse movie. Like just, really really bad.
She’s not bitchy or catty or cruel, she literally does not understand humans or their drive or their big emotions. She doesn’t feel love, she doesn’t feel regret. She doesn’t have ambition, she doesn’t desire or benefit from change. She barely wants anything. She’s complete by herself. She is content.
She can’t be ungrateful unless you expect what is essentially a…a kind of immortal spirit, a place, a forest in the shape of a creature, to be in any way at all human. She can’t be a deity, that’s an extremely human concept, but she is not a normal living thing in any regard whatsoever.
The entire point of the movie is change, and truth. Front to back, it is change and truth, and the destruction of illusions, and surviving it, and the toll that takes, and the gifts it can bring. It’s full of tremendous and intense, unthinkable, incomprehensible, destructive, renewing, life-altering change. And also truth, and the unraveling of illusions, which are everywhere in the narrative, and are almost always dangerous, or hiding something that is.
The unicorn unravels everything around her by being the catalyst for change, and it is incredibly destructive. Things come apart around her. It leads to good things, usually, but it breaks everything first.
She changes on the road, she learns to care about humans enough to help them, to save their lives, and that is very much an expression of gratitude.
She just doesn’t care about the wizard questing for greatness. It is irrelevant. Glory is useless. And she’s right.
She doesn’t experience a fundamental alteration of her nature until she is forcibly changed against her will to survive, and it is not a positive change. It ruins her. It is a tremendous trauma that leaves her empty and broken, and eventually, partly and unnaturally human. She keeps losing what she was, and it is tragic and painful to watch. Why would she be grateful for that? She wishes she had died.
She finally develops something like love, but only after she has forgotten much of what she was. Then she desperately grasps onto it as something to replace what she lost.
Her encroaching humanity is killing what she was (her first response to being human was absolute visceral terror at having a mortal, and thus actively dying, body) a trauma response that allows her to survive, to hide. An illusion.
Love is an attempt to make peace with it all, and it is beautiful enough, but also empty. You are never meant to cheer for it. Only feel for them both. It’s a sticking point for some people that the romance isn’t done well. It isn’t meant to feel right. They leaned on it a little hard in the movie, the book does it better, but it was a “kids’ movie” (it isn’t) so that was a little inevitable.
Change destroys everything, and it breaks everything.
At the end, when she changes back, who is it she appears to, to acknowledge what happened? And who is it she visits and touches and loves and says goodbye to? She is grateful.
The movie/book does exactly what it set out to do, and I have to say that I don’t necessarily trust the judgment of people who dismiss it out of hand.
Yes, I saw it young, in the theater, so I imprinted, but it has been a radically different movie at different parts of my life. I’ve identified with every character in different phases of my life, so it has had the depth to stand up to easily over a hundred viewings by a half dozen versions of myself. I know people have their issues with the style of animation which, whatever, I think it’s gorgeous and I also don’t consider that a reason to dismiss an otherwise good movie or show (I really dislike the animation style of Gravity Falls, actually, it bores the crap out of me, but that isn’t the point). But the story itself is not like anything else I’ve ever seen.
If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t. But wanting her to be grateful and kind is…really super duper extremely not the point, and would actually be antithetical to it and ruin the story as it is. And it’s missing the ways she expresses those things. If that’s what you take away, that she is somehow morally deficient, you literally did not understand it, or you haven’t seen it, or you have a take so radically divergent from mine I am probably incapable of understanding it.
It is so, so good.
It’s currently a ‘free with ads’ watch on YouTube*, too!
(in the US, at least, idk if these are region locked)
Ooooo I will be watching it (again) then! Thank you for the heads up!
its all ‘be gay do crime’ until a black person starts making allusions to drugs or sex or god forbid VIOLENCE and then it turns out nobody can handle anything more hardcore than downloading illegal torrents of hamilton
I submit to you that the most iconic feature of any animal is either unlikely or impossible to fossilize.
If all we had of wolves were their bones we would never guess that they howl.
If all we had of elephants were fossils with no living related species, we might infer some kind of proboscis but we’d never come up with those ears.
If all we had of chickens were bones, we wouldn’t know about their combs and wattles, or that roosters crow.
We wouldn’t know that lions have manes, or that zebras have stripes, or that peacocks have trains, that howler monkeys yell, that cats purr, that deer shed the velvet from their antlers, that caterpillars become butterflies, that spiders make webs, that chickadees say their name, that Canada geese are assholes, that orangutans are ginger, that dolphins echolocate, or that squid even existed.
My point here is that we don’t know anything about dinosaurs. If we saw one we would not recognize it. As my evidence I submit the above, along with the fact that it took us two centuries to realize they’d been all around us the whole time.
XKCD
So that people don’t need to go through the notes:
- We have fossils of spider webs
- Paleontologists have reconstructed the larynx (voice box) of extinct animals and we have a pretty good idea what vocalizations they were capable of
- Fossilized pigments have been found in a variety of taxa
- Soft tissues fossilize more often than you think; we have skin impressions for like 90% of Tyrannosaurus rex’s full body (shoulder blades and neck are the only bits missing)
If pop culture is your only window into extinct animals, then you do not remotely understand how much we know.
We know the entire lifecycle of a tyrannosaurus. We know from the sheer amount of remains we have, from every stange.
We know roughly how they sounded (as the person above me said).
We know they had remarkable vision.
We know they had the second. strongest sense of smell in history.
We know from their bones that they grew to a certain size and stayed there until about 14 or so, then absolutely ballooned up to their adult size in about three or four years.
We know they likely lived in family groups, because we have bones with certainly fatal injuries for a solitary animal (broken legs and such) that are completely healed.
We know exactly how other dinosaurs look, down to colors and patterns, because bones are not the only information that is preserved.
The Sinosauropteryx is one such dinosaur. Because pigmentation molecules were preserved in the feather impressions, we know it’s colors, and it’s tail rings (which one would argue would be it’s “iconic feature.”
(Art credit Julio Lacerda)
Microraptor is another! We know from feather impressions that it had four wings. We know from pigmentation that it was an iredecent black, like a raven.
(Art credit Vitor Silva)
This is not limited to dinosaurs, or feathers. We’ve found pigmentation in scales and skin. We’ve completely reconstructed two extinct penguins, colors and all. We’ve figured out the colors of some non-avian and non-feathered dinosaurs. We can identify evidence of feathers existing on animals without feather impressions.
We have feathered dinosaurs preserved in amber.
We can defer likely behavioral patterns through adaptations we see in bones, and from the environments they were found in. We can see how certain movements evolved through musculature attachments (yes, how muscles attached is often preserved). We know avian flight likely evolved by “accident” by the way early raptorforms moved their arms to strike at their prey.
We also understand behavior in extant animals and can easily speculate likely behaviors in extinct animals. (A predator running for it’s life is not going to exhibit hunting behaviors)
We learn and understand way more from “rocks” than paleontologists are given credit for. And if you watch a movie like Jurassic World, which has no interest in portraying anything with any sort of accuracy, and your take away is “We can’t possibly know anything about these animals,” then you don’t understand science.
As for shrinkwrapped reconstructions, we understand how muscles attach, and how fat works. Artists who lean into shrinkwrapping are are not generally concerned with scientific accuracy, or biology. They’re only concerned with Awesombro.
If true paleoartists tried to reconstruct a hippo, while they naturally would not get every bit correct, it would certainly look like a real animal, and not that alien monster that tumblr is so fond of using as “proof” that paleontologists don’t know anything (an art piece that itself was extreme and satirical, and a condemnation of the particular subset of paleoartists I mentioned earlier)
Every time paleoblr tries to show you how extinct animals actually looked, all we get is a chorus of “thanks i hate it” and “stop ruining dinosaurs!”
Loosing my shit at the knowledge that T-rexes nursed their loved ones back to health
Okay so my school has this cafe nearby that during the school year I’d frequently go to study and work on stuff. I went for the first time during summer break today with my mom for a nice outing and while we were checking out I noticed that the barista (who was wearing short sleeves today instead of the average long sleeves) had a tattoo on his upper arm that was half covered up by his shirt. A tattoo of the theta delta, but I was thinking “heyyy maybe I’m wrong, but couldn’t hurt to ask” so when my mom walked off to sit her bag down I asked “Is that a theta delta?” And this dude’s face LIT UP. So my mom was walking back so I just hurriedly went “Me too me too! Wolfdog.” And he replied “Grizzly!”
So in short: the barista at the cafe I got o everyday is a grizzly bear. I love my life.
im so tired so here’s a recap of what trump did today summarized and probably incomplete because we are in super hell:
End birthright citizenship (a.k.a the 14th amendment)
Remove the legal existence of non-binary people
Withdraw from the world health organization
pardon jan 6 people
He did sign an executive order saying that children born in the U.S., but to undocumented immigrants, won’t be U.S. citizens. But there’s no way the Supreme Court will stand for ending the 14th amendment via executive order. Even his appointees oppose this.
An important note nonetheless: The Nazi Party started out by declaring a state of emergency so it could seize dictatorial powers, which he hasn’t done, and by ending birthright citizenship. So that it could strip citizenship from the Jews. This is what you might call a huge red flag – one in a lonnnng line of them.
And that “departments running federal prisons, migrant shelters, rape shelters and other 'intimate spaces’ will be directed to protect single-sex spaces for privacy.”
And that federal employee records and federal department messaging will also uphold this.
The real fuckery here is gonna be in this part: “It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female. These sexes are not changeable… “Female” means a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the large reproductive cell. “Male” means a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the small reproductive cell.”
That may also be its downfall, I suppose. I don’t think it’s possible to say what size reproductive cell someone was fated to produce at conception. This drags it into some wild religious belief territory, for starters.
Even more likely to become its downfall: the number of people suing because to all intents and purposes, they’re “biologically” men or women, but the federal government is now demanding that they…. Whatever it’s going to demand they do… with the visibly wrong crowd.
The executive order also says, “Within 30 days of the date of this order, the Secretary of Health and Human Services shall provide to the U.S. Government, external partners, and the public clear guidance expanding on the sex-based definitions set forth in this order.”
Good fucking luck to THEM.
This executive order also bans “Federal funds… expended for any medical procedure, treatment, or drug for the purpose of conforming an inmate’s appearance to that of the opposite sex.”
Which will definitely be yet another series of court cases.
“Agencies shall effectuate this policy by taking appropriate action to ensure that intimate spaces designated for women, girls, or females (or for men, boys, or males) are designated by sex and not identity.” In practice, unless you change the bathroom signs to say “Small reproductive cell/Large reproductive cell,” people are just going to go on as we all normally do.
I’m just dying to hear which intersex variations produce which sizes of reproductive cells.
What about the ones who don’t produce reproductive cells at all?
“Nothing in this order shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect: (i) the authority granted by law to an executive department or agency, or the head thereof” LMAO what.
TL;DR: He didn’t remove the legal existence of nonbinary people, he removed the legal recognition of nonbinary people, and all other transgender people, by federal agencies.
A whole lot of shit is run by state, county, and city agencies.
He did withdraw from the WHO. He did not give any kind of deadline for how long that will take, and the to-do list in the executive order sounds really onerous and detailed and difficult.
“Thanks to decades of strong partnership, the United States of America plays a crucial role in supporting WHO to protect and improve the health of Americans and people around the world. The United States is a strong advocate for global health security. An example is the fight against polio, where the country is a key partner in the WHO-led eradication efforts, which protect Americans and communities worldwide from the resurgence of this preventable disease. In partnership with the United States, WHO is advancing innovation in health surveillance and biolab security to address emerging threats. Through improved monitoring and preparation of responses, WHO and the United States are working together to strengthen global resilience against health and security risks.
Those are all major bipartisan issues.
I’m gonna predict he’s going to have massive pushback from Congress on this one.
At the time Trump issued the pardons, there were about 700 defendants who either never received prison sentences or had already completed their sentences, meaning pardons or commutations would have little practical impact on them, beyond restoring voting rights and gun rights for those who were convicted of felonies.
More than 600 people were sentenced to incarceration, but only a small fraction of them are still behind bars. Many of those who are in the custody of the federal Bureau of Prisons were convicted of violent attacks on police officers protecting the Capitol during an assault in which Jan. 6 defendants were armed with firearms, stun guns, flagpoles, fire extinguishers, bike racks, batons, a metal whip, office furniture, pepper spray, bear spray, a tomahawk ax, a hatchet, a hockey stick, knuckle gloves, a baseball bat, a massive “Trump” billboard, “Trump” flags, a pitchfork, pieces of lumber, crutches and even an explosive device.
More than 140 police officers were injured and several Trump supporters died during the attack, including one who was shot trying to breach the House Speaker’s Lobby and another who died in the middle of a brutal battle at the lower west tunnel, where some of the worst violence of the day took place.
…An attorney who worked on Jan. 6 cases as a federal prosecutor told NBC News that it was always possible that Trump would return to power and pardon Capitol riot defendants but that the Justice Department "pressed ahead anyway” because “political considerations should not play any part in the Justice Department’s evaluation of facts and law, which showed that these were crimes — some of them terribly serious crimes — that warranted prosecution.”
The source said that they and, they suspected, many of their colleagues "have no regrets about having pursued these cases” and that the effort remains highly consequential because it created “a definitive, public factual record of what actually transpired” on Jan. 6.
“These cases assured police officers and civilians who were assaulted at the Capitol that there were people, and there was a Department of Justice, who recognized what they endured and sacrificed. These cases led to hundreds of defendants’ acknowledging their crimes by pleading guilty in open court and hundreds of others’ being found guilty at trial,” the source said. “The work is likely be terminated before it can be fully completed, most significantly by the abrupt termination of the special counsel’s work. But the record stands.”
As I said elsewhere:
I am begging everyone to stop treating EOs like they are passed laws or judicial decisions. They’re not. The entire point of this is to scare everyone and get them to comply in advance. This is 'Shock and Awe, Executive Order edition.’ Will Congress comply? Maybe. Will the courts bow down to him? Maybe. But don’t act like you assume that they will, don’t obey in anticipation. Make plans to keep yourself safe if Congress does roll over and the courts do just suck up to him, yes, but don’t comply in advance. Fascism expects you to do this.
The loosely defined and extremely broad authority of executive orders makes them sound like an absolute nightmare. I wonder how much damage to critical government infrastructure a president could with an executive order that simply says “All past executive orders are now struck out as null and void, enforcing them is from now on forbidden”. How much of US law is pinned up by some scrappy executive order that the President could undo at the drop of a hat?
One of the problems of not having an NSFW alt is that I’ll think of a post, decide it’s too “horny” for my main, but then my ADHD memory issues kick in and now I’ve forgotten my too-horny post so I couldn’t post it elsewhere even if I wanted to!
I don’t want to just make a NSFW alt because you can already just Google my first name and find out a lot about me. Me talking about a bunch of kink stuff is not a good thing to add to that. Especially not now, when I’m looking for a job.
Plus the way I say “horny” with quotes is because the way I’m writing about kink and porn is usually… Look, I’m asexual. But I’m a writer, and I love improv. I can talk sexy with the best of them, but it’s specifically because I don’t mean it.
It’s imitation, inspired by the horny posts I’ve seen. I don’t want to sound like I’m describing basic creativity here, but I yeah. Writing about sex is no different.
But if you go post about reverse doggy-style and eelplay, people make Assumptions that you’re into it.
And I don’t want that to happen, for both “employers and family members googling it” and “eventual callout fodder” reasons.
Because you can write about gunfights and no one assumes you’re a murder, about magic and no one thinks you’re a witch, but you write about ONE CATGIRL MAID and now you’re a pervert.
Which, I mean, no offense. I’m definitely some kind of pervert. But I’m also just annoyed by the idea that people are going to assume I’m into Any Sex Thing I Joke About.
Annoyingly, that assumption is only reinforced by having a NSFW-alt for it. Clearly if I’m hiding my Catgirl Maid account, it’s because I’m ashamed of my catgirl maid fetish.
And no! I’m not! But some stuff I don’t talk about not because of shame but because I don’t want to be connected to it forever, especially by people willingly misunderstanding me and the context.
The weird thing is that I have a bunch of Special Interests that are of things that I 100% do not support: conspiracy theories, weird Christian cult beliefs, military hardware, the cold war… (I’m on the autism spectrum, could you guess?)
But I’ve also got an interest in kink, because I find it endlessly fascinating in exactly the same way I find it fascinating that there used to be spy satellites that used film, which would then be ejected and caught in mid-air by a special helicopter. They then had to develop the negatives to find out what was going on in the Soviet Union! That’s so cool.
Just like finding out about that engineer who built a machine to hit him in the face with pies. The parts of sex that aren’t “sex” are endlessly fascinating to me: it’s like those silly bird dances and circular nests that puffer fish make. Humans have done what humans do and added endless variation and complexity to something and I am so here for it.
But because it’s SEX, I can’t gush about it as much as I do about weird old computers and snake handlers and ekranoplans. Or people assume I’m into it, which is not something I want.
And I have to go through this every time I have a halfway amusing Kink Post in my head that I can’t post anywhere and that gets tiring.
Watching how the media has been treating this case is absolutely fascinating. We (Black ppl) have been saying this shit for years. But now since the public’s reaction to the CEO of the shittiest insurance company in the country being murdered ranges from apathy to “good” and ppl are calling out how they’re obviously trying to make an example of him so the rest of the Poors don’t get an ideas, they’ll admit to their biased coverage. The ruling class must be a little shook.
If Luigi here had gunned down a room of kindergartners, they would’ve been plastering pictures of him with friends and family in articles about mental health (lol) and asking where his life went wrong. Instead they have this man doing pap walks surrounded by FBI agents with rifles and calling him a terrorist for killing one(1) piece of shit. Dylann Roof murdered 9 Black people IN A CHURCH and was taken to Burger King after he was arrested.
You’ll never get me to feel bad for the CEO of United fucking Healthcare.
I’m not even like deaf or hoh but if you’re adding subtitles to something I think you should always transcribe foreign languages too. None of that [Speaks Spanish] shit. You don’t need to translate it to english. But you need to at least give the option for a deaf person to read it and understand it themselves. I don’t care if it’s not important to the plot. I don’t care if it’s just them saying like Okay or Damn or whatever the fuck. Write it down
For my non-German mutuals wondering wtf is happening in the Bundesrepublik of Beer and Bread, here is an overview over the clown show so far:
Nov 6 - chancellor Olaf Scholz fires minister of finances Christian Lindner (FDP) for being an incompetent little bitch and drags him on live TV, resulting in a government crisis as the three party coalition (named Ampel aka “Traffic Light”), which is ruling the country at the moment, falls apart.
Scholz also calls for a vote of confidence on January 15th which (if lost) will lead to the Bundestag being dissolved, triggering snap elections in March. This sends everyone into a panic because the ultra right-wing AfD (with Best Of hits such as “Russia is sexy.”, “We should criminalize abortions and force every woman to have more babies instead of rights.” and “Deport all immigrants and traitors.” and the inofficial ones such as “Why don’t we just kill everyone we don’t like, let’s start with the queers.”) has been gaining support for a while (because MAGA has no monopoly on racism, sexism, hate and overall stupidity) and no one with an ounce of empathy or a triple digit IQ likes that very much and is thus worried they might actually make it into a new coalition.
Nov 7 - minister for justice Marco Buschmann is heartbroken over the Ampel-Aus and resigns.
Volker Wissing (FDP), minister for transport, commits the funniest anime betrayal and backstabs his party in order to keep his job, leaves the FDP but gets promoted to minister of justice as a little treat. The memes skyrocket.
Bettina Stark-Watzinger, minister of education and research, resigns along with Buschmann and gets replaced by Cem Özdemir (current minister for food and agriculture) because agriculture - education - at the end of the day where’s the difference, right?
Federal President Steinmeier hands Christian Lindner his official participation certificate in an awkward ceremony at castle Bellevue. This is broadcast live on television so everyone can be sure that the little bitch is really leaving.
Friedrich Merz (CDU) threatens the nation with the promise that if he (Merz) becomes chancellor, he will let Lindner back into the government so they can keep fucking up the country’s budget together. Bffs.
Nov 8 - after backstabbing the FDP Wissing’s website gets hacked in retaliation to display FDP ads.
Meanwhile concerns are being voiced that snap elections in March might be way too early dueto a lack of paper.
Robert Habeck (Bündnis 90/Die Grünen), vice chancellor and minister for economic affairs and climate action, announces that he will be running for the position of chancellor with a social media post that shows him wearing a Swiftie bracelet which spells “Kanzler-Era” (chancellor-era). This sends Gundolf Siebeke from the super conservative CDU spiralling.
Nov 9 - Siebeke fires off a tweet stating that if Habeck becomes chancellor that would of course be totally the fault of women alone (who are all too emotional to make rational decisions) and Germany should “inofficially” consider revoking women’s right to vote and officially implement “antiemotional” history lessons in school, earning him a massive shitstorm (completely deserved). Siebeke deletes the tweet.
Nov 10 - previous minister of justice Marco Buschmann processes his grief over the end of the traffic light coalition by composing and uploading a song to Soundcloud (feat. Gregorian chants) which is not exactly a banger but is admittedly still better than 99% of Germany’s entries in the ESC these past few years.
Siebeke is still on his misogynistic bs and makes another incoherent and sexist tweet, this time yapping about queens and Christianity while trying to paint himself as the misunderstood victim.
There are sadly no more Volker Wissing memes.
Nov 12 - everyone has agreed to move the elections from March to the end of February because paper is no longer an issue, I guess? However, now everyone is unhappy because the date clashes with the carnival. No joke.
Siebeke changes the banner on his Twitter profile to read “Frauen. Wahl. Recht. Der 19. Januar 1919” / “Women. Right (to). Vote. January 19th 1919” in a pathetic attempt to show how much he actually (not) respects women while at the same time claiming in his Twitter bio that “only conservatism can secure democracy, freedom, rule of law, equality, climate and culture”. No comment.
Nov 13 - 113 members of parliament have officially called for the Bundestag to open the long overdue investigation in order to finally ban the AfD.
It has been the longest week in the history of the Bundesrepublik. Everyone needs a fucking break.
To be continued
Nov 11 (recap) - Scholz confirms he will be re-running for chancellor. When asked by a reporter what makes him more qualified than the other candidates Scholz says he considers himself “to be a little bit cooler”.
Nov 13 - Markus Söder, major whine baby of the CSU and walking human wet towel, finally comes up with the weakest retort imaginable to Scholz'es coolness claim: “I don’t know anyone who’s uncooler than you.” That took him two days. These are the ppl in charge of this country.
Nov 14 - SPD and Greens (backed up by the Left) have proposed a law to legalize abortions up to the 3rd month of pregnancy
Nov 15 - Friedrich Merz heavily opposes the proposed new abortion law because a 69 yrs old conservative white male lobbyist whose grandfather was a member of the Nazi party NSDAP obviously should be the one deciding what is best for women.* No one is really surprised by this since this is coming from the CDU. This guy is also running for the position of chancellor btw.
Nov 15 (cont’d) - info has surfaced that the FDP has apparently been secretly orchestrating and instigating the Ampel breakup for months prompting outrage from the rest of the coalition. Lindner bashing round 2 has officially started.
Nov 16 - turns out the FDP had planned the Ampel break-up for when Scholz would be out of country to put the blame on him but someone smelled the fire and so Scholz fired Lindner before the FDP’s plan could hatch like a gremlin that was fed after midnight. Talk about timing.
Additionally, info surfaced that the FDP had prepared the Ampel break-up with a PowerPoint presentation. Which would be hilarious if they hadn’t called the designated date for the break-up “D-Day”. Never a good idea.
SPD is still super furious and dragging Lindner’s political corpse in every single press statement and interview. Something something about no need to shoot a dead horse, but we will gladly make an exception here.
Thomas Haldenwang, head of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution, which has been “looking into the AfD” for quite some time due to concerns of the party being unconstitutional (yeah, no shit) since AfD members have been exposed to be part of militant underground groups hoarding illegal weapons and keeping assassination lists of “undesired individuals”), announces his candidature for the CDU. Yeah. The super conservative party with the dude who wants to block the new abortion law and is besties with the party who wants to revoke women’s right to vote and who has been getting increasingly chummy with the AfD. The joke kinda writes itself.
SPD members have started calling for the party to endorse Federal Minister of Defence Boris Pistorius as chancellor instead of letting Scholz run again. Quite a few members are a huge fan of the idea. Pistorius isn’t. Guy probably thought of how he’d have to deal with Donald Trump come the next year, and decided ha ha, I’d rather drink bleach.
Several US American accounts on Twitter have picked up on the drama in Germany and started tweeting about it, calling chancellor candidate Habeck from the Greens a “radical leftist”. If you’ve never seen someone blasting their drink out of both nostrils with superhuman force but you’d really really like to, go and find a German with a drink and mention the ultra radical leftist Habeck while they’re taking a sip. Wear a raincoat for protection, though.
That being said Habeck was just endorsed as chancellor candidate by 96.48 % of the Greens and celebrated the result by announcing that he’d get rid of the abortion ban if he becomes chancellor. Unfortunately no one has access to Gundolf Siebeke’s blood pressure stats in real time but I think I heard the sound of the pressure cuff popping from the other side of the country. It has probably left the atmosphere by now and is heading towards Uranus at full speed.
Nov 19 - Marco Wanderwitz announces that he will retire from politics and lists the verbal and physical attacks of the AfD as one of the main reasons for his decision. If even high-ranking politicians don’t feel safe around the AfD you can probably picture how much worse the political climate is for normal citizens. This is truly the worst timeline.
On a side note the BKA released the newest stats regarding crimes against women and girls. To keep this short (because it’s depressing as fuck): all of them increased significantly, most of all crimes based on misogynistic ideas. Time to start calling it what it is: misogynistic terrorism. I will refrain from making jokes about fire, houses and Dick Fuentes here because that would be tasteless. Btw, that was not a typo.
Markus Söder (CSU) is trying to get the nuclear power plant Isar 2 up and running again which is exactly as stupid as it’s funny because it was already confirmed, multiple times, by engineers and the fucking plant operator that it’s impossible to reactivate the plant. Just shows that there will always be men who never learn when it’s the right time to pull out. Of nuclear energy, of course. (I need Habeck to become chancellor even if it’s just so that he can bite Söder like a rabid dog.)
To no one’s surprise Jürgen Pohl (AfD) has promised to support Scholz during the vote of confidence which is exactly what no one wants, least of all Scholz since winning the vote of confidence would mean that there will be no snap elections and Germany will be stuck without a functioning government until the end of next year. To everyone’s surprise Pohl defended his decision by saying that Scholz is the lesser evil because Merz would suck major ass as chancellor.
Lindner bashing has now been picked up by the Kommunen (local administrative units?) who are super mad that Lindner withheld money from, well, everyone just so he could boost his own ego and the FDP’s popularity (which is obviously an oxymoron). Germany really looked at that idiom “Man sollte aufhören, wenn’s am schönsten ist.” (You should quit when it’s best) and went “I suddenly can’t read.” Good. We can do this all day. Keep it up. (PS: even the CDU has now joined the hate train and is avoiding Lindner? The only way this man could still get a job in politics is if he moved to the US. Donald Trump would surely create a whole new department for him.)
The SPD is still arguing whether to endorse Pistorius or support Scholz re-running for the position of Bundeskanzler. Apparently the cat fights within the party have gotten so bad that grandpa retired chancellor Gerhard Schröder (SPD) had to step in and tell everyone to shut the fuck up.
Also, Pistorius is starting to get really annoyed by reporters constantly asking him about the chancellor position. To the point where Pistorius snapped and said “Anything can happen in politics. The only thing I can say for sure will never happen is me becoming Pope.” I’m just putting this here so that Future Me can have a really good laugh later.
There are sadly still no new updates on Volker Wissing. The meme withdrawal is real.
Nov 20 - the FDP claims that Volker Wissing was the one who snitched to Scholz about the D-Day PowerPoint presentation. Also, the day Lindner was fired Wissing supposedly called in sick to work and then ghosted Marco Buschmann (who later resigned as minister of justice, the position that then went to Wissing) which only makes all the Wissing memes 100 times funnier imho. Even if true the FDP, which has been deliberately obstrusing political decisions and limiting the government’s sphere of action for YEARS and which was also actively planning to break up the government (knowing full well that this would leave the country practically ungoverned) seems to think that one guy telling the Bundeskanzler - aka the guy steering the ship - that there are rats on board and said rats have been gnawing through the hull of the ship for quite some time now, is somehow worse than, you know, the rats doing the actual gnawing?! No shade to rats btw. But fuck the FDP. For real.
Nov 20 (cont’d) - to battle the continuous right-shift of the Bundestag dyed-in-the-wool politicians Gregor Gysi, Dietmar Bartsch and Bodo Ramelow (Die Linke/The Left) have decided “Aw, fuck it.” and have pretty much come out of retirement to run for office again. I am sure this is not what ppl meant when they were calling for a revival of the 90s but I can’t say I am against it? The trio has taken on the nickname “Projekt Silberlocke” (Project silver curl) due to none of them being younger than 66 years (Gysi is 76).
Nov 21 - Pistorius confirms he will NOT be running for chancellor and has a hard time surpressing a fat smile of relief during his whole interview with the Tagesschau (THE go-to TV news show in Germany). Maybe not good for the SPD but surely good for him.
Meanwhile in the federal state of Brandenburg: minister for economy Jörg Steinbach (SPD) looked at the impending coalition of his party with the BSW, went “Yikes.” (which is the general mood when it comes to the BSW) and decided to straight up retire from his position since he’d rather lick a toilet seat than work with the pro-Russia dumpster fire that is the BSW. We seriously need more politicians to roast the BSW. I’m not kidding.
On a more positive note: Holocaust-denier-for-life Ursula Haverbeck has finally shuffled off this mortal coil. Took her long enough.
Nov 22 - former chancellor Angela Merkel shared her opinion on the political shitshow of the past few weeks and summed it up in one word: “Men!” She further noted that the position of Bundeskanzler requires dignity and the ability to keep one’s emotions in check and criticized that everyone involved (especially current chancellor Scholz) has done a poor job by acting way too emotional during this crisis.
Meanwhile the Greens announced that they have gained a huge influx of new members since the Ampel breakup, setting a new personal record with 13,000 new membership applications (and counting).
You really gotta respect the Bundesrepublik’s combined effort at trying to murder Gundolf “Women are too emotional to make rational decisions and should lose their right to vote if they end up paving the way for the Green’s Robert Habecke to become chancellor!” Siebeke.
Nov 25 - not new news, but Scholz has been confirmed as the SPD’s best boi chancellor candidate which, for some reason, led to the SPD’s popularity dropping drastically in polls. However, the same polls claim that the dumpster fire that is the FDP has miraculously gained popularity. At university we used to call that “Who the fuck did you interview?! Drunk teens throwing up in the Aldi parking lot at 2 in the morning?” No one seems to know or care anymore that polls need to be representative. Unless you’re on Tumblr. In which case they only need to be funny.
TV channel ZDF did a segment called “Backgroundcheck” about super rich people who pay not enough taxes and chose to upload the video to Youtube using a headshot of ex-minister for finances Lindner for the thumbnail. Didn’t think the ZDF had balls as big as the Brocken but I will always admit it if I was in the wrong, so - chapeau. Monster balls.
The AfD in Bavaria is now openly in full hating-immigrants-and-refugees-mode (until last year they were trying to only hate in secret but as expected they failed that spectacularly, like every single lesson in humanity) and the party is now actively pushing an official resolution for mass deportations while whining that “Germany should no longer be the world’s hammock.” Nobody tell the AfD that Turkey and Iran both took in about 1 million more refugees each in 2023 than Germany while having less citizens than ‘schland. And by “nobody tell the AfD” I mean “Everybody tell them”. Loudly.
On a funnier note: the ministry for defence has set a budget of 825 million Euros for the Bundeswehr’s new formal military uniforms (a decision that was already made in 2018 but was postponed several times) and then decided to postpone the whole thing again because the Bundeswehr is currently lacking in so many areas that the uniforms are not exactly the highest priority. But what can you expect from a country that goes crazy every 4 years about the colors of the NT’s away jerseys but at the same time had to send Ukraine old GDR equipment from a half forgotten warehouse because they had nothing better at hand to offer. Ukraine, I’m so sorry. Germany did not do that to mock you. The military *is* just that badly equipped in 'schland.
Musician Dieter Bohlen, better known for being the most annoying bitch on DSDS aka Germany’s Got Talent and once breaking his dick during sex than for making good music, just threatened all of Germany that he would be tempted to play the Elon Musk to Merz'es Donald Trump if Merz becomes chancellor. If you needed ANOTHER reason not to vote for the CDU here is one. If I have to see Bohlen meddling around in politics, I will deliberately catch Covid and start coughing on people. I will not give you a second warning.
Nov 25 (cont’d) totally forgot the best part in which Lindner, aka the guy who was planning to destroy the government with his party (yeah, the one with the D-Day PowerPoint) is now trying to Uno Reverse the whole thing by blaming Scholz, aka the Bundeskanzler aka the guy in charge whose job it is to keep the country afloat, that HE is the one who is trying to destroy LINDNER’S party. I need Scholz to release a PowerPoint presentation that consists of one slide only which reads “Hey Christian (middle finger emoji)”. Just for lulz.
Nov 28 - aw fuck, here we go again, the Assholes for Deutschland are back on their old bs calling for Germany to leave the EU and abandon the Euro, something that already didn’t go very well for the UK. Kinda makes you wonder how much deeper they’re trying to dig the grave before realizing they’re not going to hit oil.
Meanwhile the FDP decided to release the D-Day PowerPoint in a desperate attempt to prove that they are not the bad guys but ended up proving instead that none of these ppl should be in a position that comes with more responsibility than keeping a plastic cactus alive (yeah, it’s just that bad). Bonus points for the shitty timing, because the decision to make the PowerPoint available to the public clashed with the news that several members of the FDP have urged the party to support the new proposed abortion law (which would have actually helped the FDP to save some face, but someone in the PR department decided to go rogue and do a political-party-suicide-speedrun, or at least that’s the only explanation that makes sense right now).
Several lawyers have backed the official proposition to ban the AfD and expressed good chances of success for the ban to go through. No time to celebrate yet, but you know the quote “Until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words,—‘Wait and hope.’”
Nov 30 - election fever has now officially gripped Germany. Scholz (SPD), current chancellor, has promised to raise the minimum wage if he gets reelected, earning him a gain of about 7 points in recent polls. Friendly reminder for those not keeping up with politics in 'schland: during his first election run Scholz promised to introduce a federal minimum wage and kept that promise after he became chancellor, so that’s not just hot air coming out of his shiny bald head. Meanwhile the CDU has aired a TV spot praising Germany’s beautiful nature while showing scenes shot in Denmark. But of course “All parties are the same”… Sure, Jan.
The president of the Central Council of Jews in Germany has warned people of the similarities between the AfD and the BSW and (to put it nicely) basically said that both are full of empty promises and posing a real threat to Jewish ppl living in Germany. Kinda felt like he wanted to say “full of shit” but was just too dignified to do so. Good for him that I have no dignity, so, yeah, the BSW and the party-which-shall-not-be-named are full of it.
Speaking of the Assholes for Deutschland - they just put out their official party manifesto for the elections stating the same old bullshit which include economical ruin for Germany (by trying to force the country to leave the EU) and an abortion ban because according to the Assholes women are no more than walking baby machines. Someone blast Labor to them 24/7 at full volume, please.
The FDP is still spouting lies left and right about their D-Day PowerPoint, trying to convince the country that their intentions have been completely misunderstood. Not sure what’s there to misunderstand of the expressions “open battle” or “D-Day”, though.
Lindner is on the best way to earn a trophy for the understatement of the year by claiming he has had no prior knowledge of the PowerPoint and is currently in a “difficult situation” himself. For perspective: catching Covid is a difficult situation. Being caught conspiring against your own country, wrecking the government after months of secret planning, fucking over the whole population for years, being fired and roasted on live TV and then having your pathetic conspiracy papers called “D-Day” in Calibri standard font published on the internet by your own fucking party for everyone to read is not “a difficult situation”. That’s a full ass (and full deserved) revenge plot from the Count of Monte Cristo exploding right in your face. I’m still waiting for a long lost son-turned-criminal who was buried alive as a baby and then dug out again to show up to complete the circle.
Polling sites have started appealing to ppl to not vote by mail in the coming election but to vote in person instead since there is a high risk of the votes not counting if the ballots are stalled in the mail. Knowing how the Deutsche Post works this is actually not a joke.
There are still no updates on Volker Wissing. The well of memes has run dry. :(
Nov 30 (cont’) - the government has announced that they are working on an app that will allow civilians to find the nearest bunker/safe room in times of war. Which would be helpful if there were any serviceable safe rooms to begin with. Maybe try walking before running?! Also, I’m not downloading any more shit. Fuck this. I’m heading into the ocean tomorrow never to return.
Dec 4 - the AfD, with a ban of the party looking more likely by the day, has announced that they are planning to cut ties to their youth organisation “Junge Alternative” (which was officially classified as right-wing extremist by the Bundesvergassungsschutz a while ago). This is, of course, nothing more than a pathetic PR attempt, as the party has also announced that they plan on building a new youth organisation at the same time, which is essentially just the same old shit in a different font.
On a more positive note: except for the CDU (no surprise there) more and more parties are demanding for the new proposed abortion law to get accepted before the elections. Do it now!
Also, the FDP has dropped under 3% in current polls which means (if this translates 1:1 to the upcoming elections) that they won’t make it into the next government. Everyone, keep reblogging that one Tumblr post which promises good news. It’s working.
Lindner bashing round #4 has started while I wasn’t looking. More and more FDP members are now openly demanding that Lindner needs to resign. Gerhart Baum (ex-minister for inner affairs and also FDP member) described the current state of his party very cutely as “in self-destruct mode” (well, fingers crossed, I guess?!) and being “made up of 1% expertise and 4% voter share”. I mean, when he’s right, he’s right.
SPD and the Greens are in full election mood and have demanded lower energy prices for consumers. The Galactic Empire CDU has pretty much responded with “Nah.” and I hope their Death Star implodes next. Because it was already such a pretty sight with the FDP. File this under “All I want for Christmas”. Right after that AfD ban.
Dec 7 - the party-which-shall-not-be-named has (of course) nominated commander wife Weidel to run for chancellor. No surprise there but can this awful excuse of a woman maybe run somewhere else instead? Straight into a perfectly fitting hole in a Japanese mountain, for example? (Have all the ppl who want The Handmaid’s Tale German Edition to happen missed those parts in the books and the TV show about female rage and poisoning your abusers and mailing their fingers to Canada after tearing the bitch apart in the woods at night? Yeah, thought so.)
The FDP, still drowning after that D-Day fiasco, tried to provoke current chancellor Scholz during a debate regarding military support for Ukraine by hinting that he has no chance of getting re-elected as chancellor which resulted in Scholz replying “For a (political) party that is struggling to make the 5% treshold you are pretty bold.” Can’t believe I leave the room for only two minutes and this guy’s chocolate eclaire backbone decides to finally turn into stone. Where was that bite during the last few years, huh?!
Also, talking of the FDP, the party has pretty much launched itself straight into the sun with a one way ticket at this point, because not only did Lindner finally admit that he did know about the D-Day PP, but even more proof surfaced that he was the one who ordered it in the first place. I really wanted to make another joke about the shitty design of the PowerPoint here (because I could drag that thing for at least 50 years without getting tired), but it’s way funnier that the FDP has replaced the original PowerPoint in the download section of their website with a bleak PDF version. Like the cowards they are. (Just let it go, guys, you cannot control the damage anymore when the whole building has already burnt to the ground. Wade into the quiet of the stream, that teacup’s broken for good. It’s never going to gather itself back together again.)
Also, let’s not talk about the FDP’s decision to ask for donations for the upcoming elections and using a photo of Lindner (OF ALL PEOPLE) right above the text. Every time you think the Jenga tower that is the FDP has somehow managed to survive another round (barely) someone goes full Miley-Cyrus-on-a-fucking-wrecking-ball.
Meanwhile Habeck (chancellor candidate from the Greens) is still getting a lot of shit, especially from CDU and CSU, but somehow manages to make the constant verbal mockings look like a 80k enemy-to-lovers fanfic by laughing the attacks off as “crushes”. Doesn’t really help that the TV channel ARD just released a bit revealing a long-lasting letter exchange between Hubert Aiwanger (Bavaria’s Secretary of Commerce) and Habeck in which Aiwanger (who usually likes to criticize Habeck. Like, A LOT.) prefers to use expressions such as “heartfelt” or “dearly”. Really makes you wonder who in the ARD staff is hanging around on AO3 and reading those Habeck/Aiwanger x Pride&Prejudice crossover fics.
Dec 10 - the Left has published their party manifesto for the upcoming elections demanding a rent price cap for the next 6 years, higher taxes for the rich, better public transportation (especially in rural areas), a higher minimum wage and a minimum pension of 1.310 EUR per month for ppl who’d otherwise never reach that amount, expropriation of real estate groups, a ban for private jets and mega yachts and all in all more radical approaches in regards to climate and environmental issues. A political party has never been sexier.
The SPD has been gaining points in recent polls, the Greens have unfortunately lost a few, but at least the CDU hasn’t gained popularity and the FDP is still drowning below the 5% threshold. This wooden door isn’t big enough for both of us, Jack, get off the fucking floatie already.
Speaking of the FDP, discount-Oliver-Twist Lindner is now claiming that the D-Day PowerPoint was created by a trainee. Which is of course a lie but would have been hilarious if true because imagine a party’s general secretary (Djir-Sarai) and executice director (Reymann) resigning in shame over a shitty powerpoint created by an Azubi. Also, this guy has changed his story so many times by now we seriously need to consider sueing him collectively for causing whiplash injuries.
Potential new chancellor results are still bleak af with ultra conservative, right-leaning Merz and full-on nazi Weidel currently landing on the first two ranks. It’s Christmas ffs, shouldn’t they be away on a holiday trip instead of making everyone in 'schland miserable? Midtown Manhattan is said to be real lovely this time of the year. Or so I’ve heard.
Annual donation gala “Ein Herz für Kinder” (A Heart for Children) aired on TV and showed once again how cheap German politicians are. Klingbeil (SPD) made a donation of 500 EUR, Merz (CDU) 4.000 EUR, Linder (FDP) and Söder (CSU) 2.000 EUR each. Taking into account that the minimum salary for politicians starts at a little over 11.000 EUR a month and usually lies more at around 20k I wish them all to be majorly scrooged on Christmas Eve. Preferrably with a toaster.
Bundesvergfassungsschutz was honestly a typo. I would never make jokes about that.
Dec 13 - election campaign is in full swing. While current chancellor Scholz demands lower VAT on groceries to relieve lower and middle income citizens, his opponents the CDU and FDP receive large election donations from the super rich. It has never been clearer which parties cater to which demographic. But go off, I guess.
General secretary of the FDP and ex-minister of justice Buschmann (yeah, the guy with the “I am so sad about the Ampel breakup” song on Soundcloud) has admitted that the expression “D-Day” was indeed used by the FDP several times, basically backstabbing Lindner who still claims that this was not the case. Kinda makes you wonder what the thought process behind the decision was to make Lindner the face of the FDP election campaign. Which, by the way, also uses the slogan “Alles lässt sich ändern” (all can be changed). Dunno if the FDP is referencing late 90s teenie boy group ECHT, but in that case they should use a different song as their slogan. I propose “Weinst du” (Are you crying) or “Du trägst keine Liebe in dir” (You carry no love inside of you). Seems more fitting for the FDP.
Söder (CSU) is still clinging to the idea of nuclear energy (although only for Bavaria because fuck the rest of Germany, I guess? Bavaria still wants to be its own kingdom so bad) and after being told to shut the fuck up about the power plant ISAR II he is now trying to import nuclear energy from Czechia but got totally dragged schooled by energy expert Felix Matthes on why that is a shit idea and also pretty much impossible (unless Bavaria does become its own narcisstic kingdom).
Chances for the Dark Lord Merz (CDU) to become the next chancellor are looking rosy and giving me a hell of a headache. At least current chancellor Scholz made it clear that the idea of him working as Vice Chancellor under Merz is as attractive as putting a pen in his own eye. Mood.
On a comletely unrelated note I recently found out that there’s a trap door in the Gävlebocken’s ass which can hold at least three people. You know…that big Swedish straw goat everyone wants to burn down so bad each year. Coincidences, wow.
Also, why the hell is it so quiet around Habeck? What are the Greens doing? We were so euphoric when that chancellor era bracelet photo dropped. Get cracking, guys!
Dec 15 - the CDU published their party manifesto and I feel like the ghost of Martin Luther needs to possess me right now because I really want to grab a hammer and nail some shit on some doors but that would probably be considered criminal mischief, unless I can claim possession.
Basically the Unchristian Undemocratic Union wants to stop all immigration (they claim that “good” immigrants should still be allowed into the country, but we all know where this is really going), wants to keep abortion illegal, revoke the self ID law, refuses to tax the super rich but wants to LOWER taxes for companies (because they need money so so much more than hmm let’s say the average worker living paycheck to paycheck). Also, they want to implement more supervision because “safety safety” (George Orwell is currently rotating in his grave at such a speed he will soon pass the inner core and launch out of the soil on the other side of the planet), not to mention they’re pissing collectively on climate issues and also yelling “Hell yeah, shoot all wolves as much as you want!”, and alone for that I need to meet this whole sorry excuse for a waste of breathable air party in front of a Hilton hotel as soon as possible. [For legal reasons: this is satire]
Reminder: die Linke (the Left) not only wants to tax the super rich but also wants to make sure that no one ever hits a billion in assets in the first place while both the Greens and SPD are at least on board with taxing the super rich and lowering taxes for low and middle income ppl, plus they are taking the climate crisis serious and are not full on sexist or racist/anti-immigrant. Yeah, the bar is low, but even that moderate opinion sent one of two SPD members recently straight to the ER after they were violently attacked by four right-wing-extremists in Berlin who exclusively travelled there to beat the shit out of “some leftist”. It’s super hard to guess which party these four nazis are supporting. Really. I cannot wrap my head around it. If this was a question on Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire I’d totally have to ask the Audience for Direction. Geez.
Talking of the Nazis for Deutschland, they are currently demanding that the German government needs to officially “acknowledge that Russia has won the war in Ukraine” and that all support for Ukraine should be ceased right now. Hey, does that Russian boot taste good? I should hope so because you fuckers will have to lick it for the rest of your lives if you keep this shit up.
I swear, banning this party is not enough. May the vacuum in the head of these people and their supporters that usually contains a brain implode like a submarine on its way to the Titanic.
If I see any of you vote black or blue (EVER) I hope that your bathrooms will always be moldy and that you may live in exactly the interesting times that your parties from hell are promising you. Godspeed. I cannot put up with the brainrot in this country anymore.
Dec 19 - as expected current chancellor Scholz has lost the vote of confidence, so Germany is now officially preparing for snap elections at the end of February. The actual debate was painful to watch, but if you have a little bit of imagination just picture a bunch of five year olds bickering in a sandbox with everyone completely missing the point (which in this case was somewhat similar to arguing about the taste of dog shit when the actual question was not “How does it taste?” but “Why would you even eat it in the first place?!?!” and “How can we stop the dogs from shitting in the sandbox?” But hey - priorities, I guess.)
In recent polls the Galactic Empire is lounging steady at 30%, while SPD and Greens currently come out at 17% and 13% respectively. Maybe they should finally marry and become one counter-union to the dumpster fire that is the unholy union of CDU/CSU. AO3, do your job.
FDP and BSW have both dropped below 5% where they should remain like a good child thank you very much we don’t want to hear anything from you for the next 4 to 8 years. Or ever again.
The NSDAP 2.0 is still strong at 17% while the Left has gained half a percent and is currently at 3%. Not to add to everyone’s seasonal depression but anybody remember 10-20 years ago when these numbers were reversed and a certain nazi party was hardly making 5% while the Left was in the double digits? Totally unrelated question but since it’s 2024, shouldn’t the flux capacitor finally run on hydrogen extracted from garbage? Asking for a friend.
Habeck (Greens) was invited to a TV duel facing Weidel (Nazis for Germany) and strictly refused. Mood.
Weidel was whining about the duel as well but unlike Habeck she boasted that it would damage her party’s image to face off against “an ant” like the Greens. Something something about David and Goliath but sure, fly closer to the sun, Icarus, you stupid cunt.
On a more uplifting side note: a proposed law was just passed which aims to prevent judges from the Federal Constitutional Court from being politically influenced by having them abide by rules written directly into Germany’s constitution. Which is a cool thing but which might also make non-Germans wonder “Well, if it’s already called the Federal Constitutional Court, shouldn’t that be a given?” To which I can only say that this country is still using fax machines. Germany is like the tortoise trying to race the hare. Except that this tortoise is blind and deaf and hasn’t heard the start signal yet even though the race has already been going on for a while. Or for my digital natives: Germany is the Internet Explorer of countries.
Stay tuned for more madness.
Dec 20 - Musk Rat is now meddling around in the German elections while loudly and proudly supporting the nazi party. I am a vegan but I will take one for the team and make exactly 1 exception.
Dec - 27 Federal President Steinmeier decided to be a coward and NOT pull the funniest prank of 2024: as expected he went along with the results of the vote of confidence and dissolved the Bundestag. Dude should have just gone “Nah” and then left the country for the next three months. That would have been 10 times funnier. (After all the dumpster is already on fire, das hätte den Kohl jetzt auch nicht mehr fett gemacht.)
Dec 29 - after the newspaper “Welt am Sonntag” published a guest contribution massive election interference by Musk Rat (who is still endorsing the Assholes for Deutschland and calling them “Germany’s last hope” because obviously nazis in power worked so well for Germany in the past) political parties have collectively started bashing Musk Rat left and right (although - sadly - only verbally). Top journalist Eva Maria Kogel from the Welt quit her job on the spot in an act of protest against this disgrace of a newspaper. Since the Rat wants to be the CEO of Everything so bad, maybe someone do us all a favor and finally give him the correct CEO-treatment.
Meanwhile info surfaced that the Assholes met with fellow right(wing) extremists in Switzerland. Which surprises absolutely no one, especially since Commander Wife number one of the Assholes Alice Weidel has long chosen to make Switzerland her secondary residence. Very telling that a person who wants to be Chancellor of one country does not even have the balls to move her family to said country. Maybe because her family would not exactly be welcomed here by her fellow nazi party members? Friendly reminder for newcomers to this post: no one in a lesbian relationship will ever have a safe life (or a life to begin with) in a country ruled by the AfD. Maybe try to remember that next time you like a TikTok sponsored by the Asshole party.
FDP and BSW have dropped in current polls, landing the FDP at 3,6% and the BSW at 5,3% (some polls even see the BSW as low as 4%). With our combined effort we can make them drop even lower and keep both of them out of the new government alltogether.
Judging by the published party manifestos for the upcoming election the only party which currently puts the people before the economy is unsurprisingly the Linke (Left), closely followed by the Grüne (Greens) and then the SPD (Social Democrats). The ones who have decided to keep peeing into the well which is supplying everyone with drinking water (figuratively speaking) are (in the order of the biggest Pisser to the smallest) the AfD (Nazis), the FDP (Billionaire Besties) and the CDU/CSU (Unholy Unchristian Undemocratic Union) Speaking of the unholy union we really need to pass a law that forbids the CDU/CSU to act as one party. Smash 'em. Politically I mean. Of course.
Jan 7 - a late happy New Year, let’s start with the CDU bashing to keep it happy.
Not only were the CDU and CSU called out by Pro Asyl for being racist scum and shitting heavily on human rights with their immigrant agenda (even the expression right-wing radical was used and it was about time someone said it out loud because CDU voters need to get off their high “We’re not nazis” horse of self-delusion. Always have been), the Greens (arch-nemesis of the Unholy Union) thought “Hey, let’s rub some salt into the wound!” and put up a giant ad in Munich (of all cities) presenting the party’s chancellor candidate Habeck as “Bündniskanzler”. Amazingly funny pun from every angle. You either love it or you have the humor of a dried prune.
Also, Habeck is doing the only correct thing and reminding people that the CDU is in great parts responsible for the schism and many problems plaguing the country. Dude said “Why focus on the FDP when the CDU is right there?” and I really, really need him to become chancellor, even if it’s just to make the CDU go and cry in a corner.
On that note: Kiesewetter of the CDU recently posted baseless rumors on X in an attempt to discredit current chancellor Scholz (SPD) by claiming that Scholz is planning to travel to Moscow for talks with Putin but has deleted the post again to escape legal actions. Vielleicht erst mal vor der eigenen Tür kehren, Union? Ja?
In the aftermath of that cursed Musk Rat nazi propaganda article in the newspaper “Welt am Donntag” another top tier journalist has told the paper to go and fuck itself and left. Always good to see the Axel Springer Verlag shitting in the fan and then doing the Pikachu face when the shit comes flying right back.
Talking of nazis - the latest official stats show a drastic increase in criminal offenses by right-wingers in 2024, especially in states where the AfD has scraped a lot of votes. Also: Höcke, frat boy number one of the AfD, has proposed plans to decriminalize hate crimes. You read that correct. The nazi party wants to decriminalize hate crimes. But suuuure, they are “Germany’s last hope” as the Rat has put it. /sarcasm
More and more scholars and organizations are coming forward each day and are openly demanding for the AfD to get banned as soon as possible. Keep up the good fight, everyone, there is hope!
That being said I need you all to show up en masse for the election and vote for anyone BUT the unholy trifecta (Assholes, Union, BSW). Not even mentioning the FDP anymore. That they stay out of politics should be a given at this point.
Jan 12 - Habeck (Greens) has suddenly become everyone’s favorite chancellor candidate. Which does not surprise much seeing how the rest of them have caught brainworms and are spewing even more nonsense than usual:
Commander Wife Weidel (nazis) called Hitler a communist during her Xchange with Musk and wants to demolish all wind turbines. You know, the sweet little thingies which currently generate a THIRD of Germany’s energy. Someone take one of these turbines and shove it up her
Weidel’s little exchange might (hopefully) have major repercussions for the nazi party, though, as it might get categorized as an illegal party donation which would mean high fines for the nazis.
In addition an Xodus of schools and universities has begun after the Weidel/Muskrat talk. They are all leaving X while the country’s anti discrimination representative called for the government to follow suit and abandon the nazi platform as well.
The nazi party also held its party congress in Riesa but was met with tens of thousands of counter protesters including official delegates from the leftist party who got beat unconscious by the police while civilian protesters got viciously attacked with police dogs and water cannons. ACAB. Everywhere. But what else is new.
Good news: ex-minister for finances and destroyer of the government Christian Lindner (FDP) got pied with shaving cream by a member of the leftist party and had to do the taste test twice to make sure it really wasn’t pie. No pie for traitors!
Merz (CDU) dropped the mask and openly went full anti-immigrant (earning him a shitstorm from all sides) while his fellow party member Julia Klöckner also said the quiet part out loud and posted a picture on Instagram that more or less carried the message “You don’t have to get the fix for your unconstitutional needs from the AfD when the CDU is right there.” which nearly killed one of my co-workers who has asthma and couldn’t stop wheezing at this fail all day. (The literal translation was “You don’t have to vote AfD to get what you want. There is a democratic alternative: CDU” which, however, still confirms that the CDU holds the same “values” as the fucking nazi party.)
Scholz (SPD) has turned his backbone back to chocolate eclaire and is currently getting real cozy at the bottom of the popularity ladder.
The BSW published their party manifesto nailing down that they want to stop, oh, sorry, “implement stricter rules” for immigration and also import more gas from Russia. Somehow completely ignoring that we’re technically (although not officially) at war with Putin and his fellow terrorists? Please let this political garbage group drop below the 5% threshold. I no longer have patience with or anything funny to say about a party that claims to be non-right-wing while parroting the exact same anti-immigrant rhetoric as the nazi party.
There are still no updates from Volker Wissing. Dude needs to get back into the spotlight with another meme-able action right now. Even the Titanic had a band playing while it sank. If this country goes down at least do it with memes until the very end.
Jan 17 - Commander Wife Weidel was invited by her fellow nazi party members to hold a speech at Hamburg’s city hall. Hamburg, being the Capital of red-green voters, went “Keep our city clean, throw out the trash!” and not only mobilized tens of thousands of protesters but also refused to let Weidel stay at her luxury hotel of choice. Good. Make nazis unwelcome again.
Speaking of the nazis, the blue plague party decided to print flyers that look like airline tickets and which read “deportation ticket” and dumped hundreds of them into the mail boxes of ppl with migrant background. At least 20 ppl filed charges against the party for hate crimes. Anyone who still claims that there’s not enough evidence that this party is unconstitutional and needs to be banned needs to stop chugging moonshine.
More governmental and public sector entities have given Muskrat the middle finger and have frozen their own X accounts while openly calling the platform what it is: an anti-democratic and right-wing populist cesspool.
On a more positive note: the Republic has decided we’re not done clowning on Christian Lindner yet. After being pied Lindner was now met with protesters at another of his campaign appearances. This time they were armed with clown noses and banners that said “King of clowns.” One of these days someone is going to run him over with the tiniest car. Someone invite Robert Pattinson to watch.
do genuinely find it fascinating how indeed.com is like the biggest job-hunting website out there and yet manages to be profoundly useless in every possible way
i apply for a job. i never hear back.
i search for “entry level jobs”. i am shown listings for things like “military intelligence officer”, “senior veterinary surgeon”, and “forklift engineer”.
i search for “jobs in bookselling”. i am told that there are 9 bookselling jobs in my area. when i read the listings, 8 of these 9 jobs are care assistant roles and the 9th is a pyramid scheme.
i search for “jobs within 5 miles of my location”. i am shown jobs that are on the other side of the country.
i type in “proofreading”. i am shown listings for “ai training”.
i search “creative industry jobs”. half the listings are for finance companies and the other half require a degree in data science.
i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” the linked job requires a degree that i do not have and 5 years of experience in a field that i know nothing about. the email does not explain why this opportunity would be “a great match”.
i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” in the body of the email, it warns me that i will not be able to apply for the job it has sent me because i do not meet the criteria.
i apply for a job with a temp agency. i never hear back. 2 weeks later the agency website goes down and never comes back up again.
i apply for a job. 6 months later i get a stock email telling me my application has been unsuccessful.
i apply for a job. i never hear back.
The value of indeed.com is not in searching for jobs.
It’s in employers searching for you.
Look at the job listings you like. Rewrite your resume to look good for the people who wrote those job listings. (Don’t lie, but check their phrasing, check their skills requirements, highlight the features they’re looking for, and so on.)
I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a job by applying at Indeed. I’ve gotten several from having my resume there when someone was looking.’
Update your resume every two weeks. Even if you’re just changing a comma or adding and removing a space at the end of a paragraph. Employers can see when the resume was updated, and they tend to assume anything that’s been there longer than a month is probably not relevant anymore - you already have a job.
(You will get a regular trickle of “job offers” from real estate sales companies. Ignore these. I tended to reply with “I have no interest or skills in sale, but I’m good with document management. Do you have any jobs that focus on that and don’t involve customer outreach?” I never heard back from them, which was the desired result.)
When you get contacted about a job: Ignore everything about experience & education required. Look at what the job actually does, and figure out if you think you can do that. If so, tell them you have the skills to do the job.
The skills/education requirements are set by idiots who look at “who did this job most recently, and what were their skills?” So that’s “what we expect from someone who’s done this job for 3+ years.”
the email does not explain why this opportunity would be “a great match”.
You matched a couple of keywords they’re looking for. The algorithm that does these suggestions does not notice things like “I lack several things this job requires”; it just checks “ooh you have 5 words that this job wants!”
If you’re consistently getting bad matches for a particular kind of job, review your resume and see if you can figure out which words are getting hit for those, and if you can reasonably remove them. (Sometimes you can’t. I do document processing, which sounds close to “data processing,” so… I get offers for database coding, which I can’t do. I ignore them.)
Your goal for your resume is not to get you a job. It’s to get you an interview. Your goal with the interview is to get you a job. Your resume is only incidentally relevant at that point. The purpose of the resume is to convince someone, “I want to talk to this person about this kind of job.” That’s all. The details should all be focused around “If I were hiring someone for my dream job, this is the list of details I would be looking for.”
The most value you’re likely to get from the job listings is “these are the currently trendy phrases.”
Also: You’re not misunderstanding anything; the job market & job search system is whack. Is seriously broken. There is so much wrong with it. AI is not making it better. I’m sorry. It sucks.
Alright, I'm finding myself attached to this AU after a day of catching up! I love the characters and already I'm going to ask a question for our lovely Snek crown.
Do they have fun together during crusades? Yes. Do they get lots of treats? Yes. Are they attached to the bearer? Absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
masks and helmets that hides someone’s face in such a way that they become the face themselves my beloved
these are all creatures to me
Angel of War, angular and strange, gleaming silver and gold, Angel of Wonder, pure and one-eyed, looking to stars new and old, Angel of Harvest, simple and hidden, bring nature’s sweetness to all, Angel of Health, mysterious and fine, beacon when life starts to fall, Angel of the Deep, crooked and cage-like, guide us across the sea, Angel of Solace, protect us from evil, lead us to where we are free.
Was inspired by the previous post a while back, and had been working on this on and off for a long while.
You can see the full-resolution versions on My Patreon.
I love all of these. The angel of the the deep’s wings are canvas, held up by an anchor. The angel of war’s wings are blades, and its shield is a coffin. The angel of solace is a mutant, its arms deforming into wings. Geiger counter in hand, it guides us through the danger only it knows. Was this angel once a man? Corrupted now beyond hope, he can at least save others from the same fate.
this shit is so incredibly cool that i cannot and refuse to attempt to properly articulate it
hello, i am the top secret replier! well done for finding me - you may never see me again!
REBLOG OF SHAME since the replies are turned off D:
So what I’ve learned about French spelling is that if there’s a word that’s in both French and English, the way you spell it is that you imagine you’re writing that word with the mindset that you’re making fun of French spelling because surely no word is spelled this way and then you’ve spelled it correctly.
Italy is spelled like Italie, which is exactly how I’d spell it if I was joking.
Journalist? Journaliste.
A criminal? Un criminel.
An hour? Une heure.
As a native french speaker I’m so confused about how the spelling is funny to english speakers. Is that why the english and french were historical rivals
The sounds and spellings of French don’t come naturally to us but also our languages have a lot in common so it looks like parts of our language shown back to us through a funhouse mirror.
I’m two full weeks into comic book school now (spoilers: it is E V E R Y T H I N G) but here’s a lil journal comic about the move from west coast to east coast I drew a coupla weeks ago 🌕
if you wanna see art from life at Comic Book School (omg) plus early access to comics like this, you can sign up (it is free!) for my substack, which will send emails full of my drawings right to your very own inbox!! (there’s also a $5/mo option to get Extra Secret Content but like 80% of my posts are free and publicly available because ily)
uh hey that person you just reblogged from used to be in our discord server but we had to kick them out because they admitted to watching t*m and j*rry… that show features violence and as such glorifies it…. when we confronted them all they said was “wtf its a show about a cat and a mouse”… if you dont believe me theres a whole callout post that features their name age and street address so you can go to their house and check… anyways you should unfollow them before people start thinking you like problematic media too :/ just trying to help
Bro. I stuck a hot rock in my mouth and it kind of hurt but then it felt like my sinuses were draining and a bunch of my memories came back. Or like sort of partial memories came back, there are still holes. @transgenderer can you explain this.
It was 125 degrees Fahrenheit
Small rock. 125F. Made my memories come back
This sounds like a shitpost but for everyone who doesn’t know I had actual amnesia and a small rock 125 degrees Fahrenheit made my memories come back so try that out if you have whatever problem I do.
How did you come to the idea of putting a small rock 125 degrees Fahrenheit in your mouth?
Face hurts bad and throbs when I try to think -> put hot washcloth on face face feels a little better -> easier to think -> palatal area hurts worst of all hot water does nothing -> I need something hotter, something harder. I need a hot rock -> put hot rock in mouth -> start to get memories back
what’s not clicking
I’m telling you guys I mean this shit was so vivid and instantaneous. @fruityyamenrunner basically I’m a based synesthete who needs subtle taste sensations in order to think. but my alveolar ridge and shit hurt too much and was impeding my gustatory thought processes or some shit. This is what I believe.
