People feel like they have to… Justify their ships now? When the hell did that start? Ask me why I ship something and it’s like, the characters were in a room together one time. The fuck more do you expect from me?
sometimes they werent even in the same room but like what if they were
I put them in a room together in my mind and they were quite cute
I just find it a bit exhausting that we spend so much time arguing about semantics. So much quibbling over exact wording when in reality most people don’t know that he invented a special glue that can let you walk up and down anything.
i never thought i was going to be held accountable for just saying any random bullshit that comes into my brain. but okay.
like in the way that he’s obtrusive to all his suspects in ways that they don’t expect, instead of lathering you with soap he’s crashing your dinner parties, putting you on the spot, getting a little personal, always being genial even when you’re being a prick. ‘just one more thing’ is the lush sample of columbo detectivery
Men, boys, and eggs of my acquaintance, I cannot stress this enough:
Nobody worth being with will ever judge you based on your deli sandwich choices.
Sincerely, a dude who had to watch like two dozen men pretend to find vegetarian sandwiches unthinkable in order to maintain a sense of masculinity today.
The sando gender spectrum I osmoted this weekend according to a specific type of dude:
1. Roast beef is the most masculine of sandwiches. The only sandwich it is permissible to ask for by name (we did not have roast beef as an option).
2. Ham is an acceptable substitute for roast beef. There appears to be some controversy, however, over the bread options; we only had two, croissant or ancient grains roll (gluten free). Croissant is considered slightly more manly than ancient grains UNLESS you are under 20 in which case “ancient grain” sounds badass.
3. Turkey is okay, obviously not ham but if you don’t like ham it’s an option as long as you don’t show enthusiasm for it. Definitely has to have mayo however. Mustard is a bit much. (Initial field research indicates mayo is the manliest of condiments but we have not introduced barbecue sauce into the study yet.)
4. Chicken salad is woman food. Absolutely not acceptable unless you announce loudly that it’s for your wife or that she’s making you for your health.
5. Vegetarian wraps require a recoil reaction or a sheepish “oh, no, no, what meats do you have?” protest. We had the veggie wraps off to one side so vegetarians could get to them more easily, and guys would come up to the wrap boxes because there was no crowd/line, then I’d say “that’s veggie wraps” and they’d stagger back.
To be clear, most of the people of all genders at the event were totally fine, this was a small and specific set of guys – mostly older dudes and (unsurprisingly) their young sons or grandsons. Maybe 20-30 people out of the 400+ attendees. But it really was both sad and a little funny to watch them unnecessarily assert their manhood using deli meat to me, a guy in a floral shirt with neon blue hair handing out box lunches at a charity event. My indifference to your masculinity is so vast it has its own international calling code, fellas.
Friends, I have volunteered in the lunch tent once more and I have new scientific findings to share regarding the Sandwich Gender Spectrum.
We still do not serve roast beef, the most toxically manly of all sandwiches, but it turns out that there is a sandwich option almost as masculine, the mention of which will preclude a certain type of dude from even asking for roast beef:
The Italian.
For those unfamiliar, an Italian sandwich in most American sandwich shops is composed of ham, capicola, salami, and sometimes pepperoni, with provolone, the usual sandwich veggies, and a drizzle of Italian dressing.
The hierarchy from ham-downwards remains undisturbed by this revelation currently rocking sandwich discourse, but new data has indicated that the Italian sandwich occupies a special place above ham and technically below roast beef but so acceptable a substitute for roast beef that I only had one guy ask me for it this time around. I would say, “We have ham, Italian, turkey, or veggie,” and the Certain Kind Of Man would look skeptically at the ham and then ask for an Italian.
I am now working on my doctoral thesis in Sandwich Gender, where I will be examining whether there is a direct correlation between how masculine a sandwich is and how weirdly homoerotic the name is. I’m going to call it “I’d Like An Italian: Gender And Sexuality Between The Buns.”
fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love
some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—
a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him
Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him
Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.
my harem?
did you mean: my chief strategic advisors
The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.
The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.
It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.
Tag to this - the biggest secret is the Queen who runs the Kingdom’s spy network.
It’s the envy of all the other Kingdoms around, and not a few nobles!
Not ALL of the Kingdom’s Diplomats are spies. But many of their servants are.
The Queen grew up as a neglected child, and she learned how servants are ignored, but who always know everything that goes on.
Many of the spies are like the Queen - beautiful and seemingly vacuous.
The sp[ies tend to have great fun, and also work closely with the Concubines
I found a guide for a no tape, easy to unwrap wrapping tutorial to make Christmas a little more accessible, wish I just found it sooner
Could i not have seen that before Christmas? Anyway, queueing this for next december to save a life.
This is how they wrap surgical sets before sterilizing them (in a cloth not paper…god I wosh the cloth is a pain in the ass) except when they tuck the last bit in, they fold it over so the end is poking out of the box (like a pull tab).
tiktok user who takes a walk in germany and determines everyone is autistic
[this post is commentary on the watering down of autism to ‘social norms I personally find odd’. in reality you cannot identify autism on social behavior alone as what is and is not considered socially acceptable differs by culture. this post encourages the reader to stop being stupid]
I saw him interviewed and the reporter asked why he thought people were willing to pitch in so much money and he tried not to smile then said something to the effect of, “companies use money to exercise free speech, maybe people are trying to do the same.”
for the LAST TIME: goon, henchman, and minion are LEGALLY DISTINCT CATEGORIES.
goons are unionized, part of the goonion. if you are employed at will, ESPECIALLY if you’re paid under the table, you’re a henchmen. and you’re only a minion if you’re being coerced and meet the legal standard for duress. recently this has been almost entirely brainwashing, but more traditional forms of duress still meet the threshold for minion.
if your employer pays you above board but you’re not part of the goonion—SIGN UP. don’t let your employer abuse you at work!!
traditionally, a cronie was a type of underling for financial criminals. underlings aren’t the same as henchmen because underlings are temp workers, and cannot work for a single villain by definition. financial criminals rarely want to permanently staff their operations, and while minions are a largely exploited class, controlling them is more overhead than the average bernie maydoff wants to shoulder. contrary to underlings, who can transition to a permanent henching position, cronies can’t, and thus they have to sign an FLSA waiver upon hire. The goonion has been trying to close this cronie loophole for almost a decade, but the NLRB considers this situation a natural hazard of illegal work and no administration has been willing to touch the issue.
in recent years, cronie has also been colloquially applied to the exempt management above the underlings, but this is management’s attempt at ingratiating themselves among their employees to prevent any organizing on the part of cronies. unfortunately, the colloquial use is more widely understood, as many associate cronyism with close villanous associations among the financial elite. the goonion does not endorse this interpretation, and neither does the NLRB.
in a fascinating turn of events, because of this linguistic shift, mook has been used to refer to temporary villanous employees, but that is also a misattribution. a mook is an independent contractor, not an employee. underling is still the correct term for temps.
hilariously, because cronies are required to sign the FLSA waiver, financial villains don’t need to misclass employees. thus, misclassing henchmen and underlings as mooks generally is committed by villanous corporations rather than embezzlers/scam artists/financiers.
in recent years, cronie has also been colloquially applied to the exempt management above the underlings, but this is management’s attempt at ingratiating themselves among their employees to prevent any organizing on the part of cronies.
had a dream last night where i bought a hawk at a flea market for $20. when i pointed out that 1. i don’t have a space for a hawk in my apartment 2. i don’t want a hawk my roommates were like “bro its $20….get ittttttt or you’re so gonna regret not buying that hawk”
It is absolutely so disappointing to see donations for Mohammad Ayesh @ayeshjourney slow down to a trickle.
Let us not forget that he is the one who is helping us keep @gaza-evacuation-funds afloat and it is his hard work everyone is relying on whenever you are making posts about fundraisers and donations on your own blogs and sharing our fundraiser list!
For the past few months, Mohammad has been suffering with excruciating gut pains that are suffocating even. And he’s had to take a cocktail of medications to combat the effects of the unsanitary food and water that he and many other Gazans have had no choice but to eat for the last year.
Mohammad has a short term goal of £34,000 which I think we could reach tonight since we are less than £200 away. And I propose we get to £36,000 within this week.
If even half of my followers donated just £1 upon seeing this we could get to and exceed £36,000 tonight. Please make sure you are following @ayeshjourney and supporting him.
I saw a post a little while ago that I’ll never find again, but it’s still bugging me. It was written like a PSA about proper procedure for applying testosterone gel–mainly, how you’re not supposed to let it get on anyone else’s skin.
And that’s correct. But the post went hard on it, like “please, please be aware of the risks of this medication, it can do so much damage to others if you’re not careful, I just think we should be honest about the advantages and disadvantages of medications like this.”
It could’ve been sincere, but it gave me concern-trolling vibes real bad and I can’t get it out of my head. So here’s my PSA:
Don’t slap on your T-gel and then immediately rub your bare bicep on anyone.
Once 2 hours have passed, the remaining amount available to be absorbed is negligible. The med guide says to wash your bicep before you rub it on anyone, but even that’s being extremely cautious.
Testosterone isn’t poison. If you apply a full dose every day, it still takes months before anything noticeable happens. It’s not going to kill someone who accidentally touches your skin for .5 milliseconds.
You do not have to handle T-gel like it’s drain cleaner. It’s not corrosive. Cis women have testosterone. It’s a thing that humans have in our bodies. Avoid getting your medication onto anyone else, but holy shit nothing bad is gonna happen if you forget one time and snuggle shirtless.
T-gel is alcohol-based, so it’s best to refrain from being on fire until it has dried thoroughly.
Don’t put it on your dick. If you’ve ever accidentally or on purpose gotten IcyHot on your dick, you have an intuitive understanding of how the skin there differs from bicep skin. Also, the effects of testosterone gel don’t localize like that and your dick is fine, I promise.
Don’t eat it. I don’t know why you’d want to, but don’t.
Don’t leave the bottle out around little kids on account of little kids being the way that they are, i.e., enthusiastic about potions.
Saw some scaremongering misinfo going around, so I dug up this post again.
NOTE: re-reading it, I don’t think I made this clear: The point of not letting it get on other people is mostly so that YOU get the entire prescribed dose.
(Also: if getting the effects of t-gel was as easy as brushing against someone’s bare skin, don’t you think trans guys would be constantly-ah, no, I shan’t say.)
early stages of friendship are Soooo embarrassing like yea sorry……. it’s me again………… i enjoy talking to you and spending time with you……. you can shoot me point blank if you want i dont mind
one of the biggest advantages of customization in linux with keyboard only window managers is that you don’t even need a good password. Typical windows users cannot use your computer, and for extra safety you can launch your window manager on all tty and remove the need for a password entirely (don’t do that). You and only you know your custom system with absurd shortcuts to type to open anything at all that come from some obscure reference that not even your personal cia agent knows about.
people are so stunned when I tell them that saying stuff like “oh, you have a real medical issue but these other people are faking it” doesn’t make me feel safe or comfortable at all. I have just as easily been considered “those other people.” The rhetoric around “those other people” is just ableism and it always has been, you are just adding an exception because it makes you feel better about being cruel.
The movie Wicked is proof that any source material can be vastly improved by simply making the intense female friendship much gayer + the mutual male love interest both wildly bisexual and lowkey down to just be their third
The book is actually a lot gayer and a million times messier, the producers of the musical were just cowards
ALT
