December 2024

pointless-achievements:

lavender-lily:

rosesmomhasgotitgoingon:

bread-science:

No one ever tell me anything bad about the person who runs this account.

the person who runs this account, Katie Gouldin, is an evolutionary biologist who has an EXCELLENT podcast called Creature Feature which compares and contrasts the weird behaviors of man and beast! she is super cute and funny too!

oh thank GOD

Toad Prison for Goblin Crimes

Use your scientific knowledge to shitpost immaculately.

not-so-myconid-witch:

rainbowgod666:

rubykgrant:

typekast:

My friend’s little brother (non-verbal) used to hide people’s shoes if he liked the person, because it meant they had to stay longer. The more difficult it was to find your shoes, the more he liked you.

One day my cousin came over, and she was a bitch. When it was time to leave, my friend’s brother handed her shoes directly to her and she went on and on about how he must have a crush on her because he only “helped” her.

Yup

neurodivergent warfare

yardsards:

us aros (rightfully) complain that most of the aromantic “representation” we get is creators saying their character is aromantic on twitter or whatever

but nothing compares to the absolute nonsense that the 2010s steven universe fandom went through

after the show ended, one writer was like “i’ve always seen peridot as aroace and deliberately wrote her to come off that way” while a different writer said “i’ve always seen peridot and lapis’s relationship as romantic and deliberately wrote it to come off that way.”

naturally wwiii broke out in the fandom over this

so yeah, we didn’t even get a word of god confirmation. we got two priests saying contradictory things while the congregation duked it out in the parking lot

derinthescarletpescatarian:

vladtheimpalainvalhalla:

bugtears:

modmad:

We interrupt your usual schedule to bring you a very small pig descending a set of stairs.

HE JUMPS RIGHT INTO IT AND MAKES LITTEL SOUNDS N0

Constant state of oink

Noisiest beast in the world

segamascott:

axolotlmage47:

art-res:

:

putmymusiconshuffleidareyou-dea:

lnfini-deactivated20230930:

disclaimer: I am east asian. if anyone who is not white sees anything wrong with my phrasing, inaccuracies, or insensitivity, or something I missed, please feel free to add on. I’m just one person with one perspective; none of what I say should be taken as The Singular way to draw an Asian character. if you havent done so already, please take the effort to expand your view of Asian culture outside this one tutorial.

if a white person reblogs this and adds something stupid I’m going to bite and kick you like a wild animal

Dumb question from beginner artist: how does one identify undertones? Does anyone know a good resource for learning this or can someone explain it? I see the term and think I have an idea of the meaning but I have no idea which resources for this are good

Basically undertones refers to whether there’s a pinkish tint to the skin or a yellowish tint. These are charts you can find by googling “undertones chart” or whatever

Ultimately it’s kinda just up to practicing eyeballing colours. Keep a character’s undertone consistent between drawings and you should be good. And you can always google random faces and try some quick sketches for practice

It’s great to diversify and draw POC!

❤️

This is actually really helpful thanks! :D

transthatfag:

this dude -> 😔 <- he gets me

scientia-rex:

taiey:

scientia-rex:

A lot of younger people have no idea what aging actually looks and feels like, and the reasons behind it. That ignorance is so dangerous. If you don’t want to “be old,” you aren’t talking about a number of years. I have patients in their late 80s who could still handily beat me in a race—one couple still runs marathons together, in their late 80s—and I lost someone who was in her early 60s to COPD last year. What you want is not youth, it is health.

If you want to still be able to enjoy doing things in your 60s and 70s and 80s and even 90s, what you want to do, right now, is quit smoking, get some activity on a regular basis (a couple of walks a week is WAY better for you than nothing; increasing from 1 hour a day of cardio to 1.5 will buy you very little), and eat some plants. That’s it. No magic to it. No secret weird tricks. Don’t poison yourself, move around so your body doesn’t forget how, and eat plants.

If you have trouble moving around now because of mobility limitations, bad news: you still need to move around, not because it’s immoral not to, but because that’s still the best advice we have. I highly recommend looking up the Sit and Be Fit series; it is freely available and has exercises that can be done in a chair, which are suitable for people with limited mobility or poor balance. POTS sufferers, I’m looking at you.

If you have trouble eating plants because of dietary issues (they cause gas, etc.) or just because they’re bitter (super taster with texture issues here!), bad news. You still want to find a way to get some plants into your body on a regular basis. I know. It sucks. The only way I can do it is restaurants—they can make salads taste like food. I can also tolerate some bagged salads. On bad weeks, the OCD with contamination focus gets so bad I just can’t. However, canned beans always seem “safe,” and they taste a bit like candy, so they’re a good fallback.

If you smoke and you have tried quitting a million times and you’re just not ready to, bad news. You still need to quit. Your body needs you to try and keep trying. Your brain needs it, too. Damaging small blood vessels racks up cumulative damage over time that your body can start trying to reverse as soon as you quit. I know it’s insanely, absurdly addictive. You still need to.

You cannot rules lawyer your way past your body’s basic needs. It needs food, sleep, activity, and the absence of poison. Those are both small things and big asks. You cannot sustain a routine based on punishment, so don’t punish your body. Find ways to include these things that are enjoyable and rewarding instead. Experiment. There is no reason not to experiment—you don’t have to know instantly what’s going to work for you and what won’t, you just need to be willing to try things and make changes when things aren’t working for you.

You will still age. Your body will stop making collagen and elastin. Tissues you can see and tissues you can’t see will both sag. Cushioning tissues under your skin will get thinner. You’ll bruise more easily. Skin will tear more easily. Accumulated sun damage will start to show more and more. Joints will begin to show arthritis. Tendons and ligaments will get weaker and get injured more easily, as will muscles. Bones will lose mass and get easier to break. You’ll get tired more easily.

But you know what makes the difference between being dead, or as good as, in your 60s vs your 90s? Activity, plants, and quitting smoking. And don’t do meth. Saw a 58-year-old guy this week who is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t quit whatever stimulant he’s on. I pretended to believe it was just the cigarettes, and maybe it is, but meth and cocaine will kill you quicker. Stop poisoning yourself.

Baby steps; take it one step at a time; you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. But you do need to be working on figuring things out.

You will be unsurprised to learn that someone already accused me of ableism for suggesting that people not smoke, move regularly in ways their body can tolerate, and eat plants.

1-jar-of-stars:

On Friendship.

cryptotheism:

cryptotheism:

cryptotheism:

cryptotheism:

my most adornopilled half serious take is that the classic Dragon Quest plot of plucky teenagers killing an evil god subscribes to great man theory and is therefore fascist.

maybe your stupid found family should “gain XP” through rigorous self critique like a proper Marxist

a JRPG that is just a band of young teenagers reading Lenin in real time.

You’re only allowed to get mad at this post if you understand the full rhetorical context of the term “adornopilled”. My posts are ONLY for intellectual gamers who close the car door in an effeminate and antifascist manner.

Btw dark souls is historical materialist bc history is a literal object you can hold.

regicide1997:

anarchistmemecollective:

poseidonsbastardson:

anotherdayforchaosfay:

thispreciousthing:

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can’t be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.

Seeing as Twitter is gonna legally steal your work now, please use glaze to protect what you make.

I’m not even a good ao3 writer and the thought that someone would use my mediocrity to produce meaningless shit angers me an embarrassing amount.

anyone know if there’s a way to poison text?

y35 8u7 u rn'7 g0nna l1k3 1t

(plaintext: yes, but you aren’t going to like it)

the-principality-of-sealand:

Shit now I have to clean off the blood.

the-principality-of-sealand:

brightlotusmoon:

elfdyke:

i think twitter is actually really funny and good sometimes. where else are you seeing shit like this

The goat, it yearns for the flames.

IT YEARNS, I TELL YOU!

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet:

It does!!!!

In scp lore, the goat is burnt down by the foundation because it actively creates keter class anomalies, and the people who build it are a cult that does this on purpose

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet:

Sure ill incorporate that into my belief system

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet:

Day 19

Yknow thats always the problem when the goat survives for too many days, i run out of witty things to write here. But ye, its still up

bisexual-engineer-guy:

caats:

bunny?

derinthescarletpescatarian:

dyedviolet:

I cannot imagine 1) That the Corporation Rim would produce free entertainment 2) That Murderbot paid for any of its serials. The entertainment feed is HuMaxFlix Plus with 500 different micro subscription options, and Murderbot has been the universe’s most prolific TV pirate this whole time.

Explains why it’s able to use the shows as currency

aquasine0:

self checkout wolves

notvoid:

Are you ugly on purpose pickles?

jimmyhoffathecat:

syn4k:

boonbeenblade:

Jojo insisted he stand there.

goodtimeswithscar screenshot of the year

totally-india:

I don’t use AI to write. I use my sense of humor, deep hidden trauma, 5 mental illnesses, years of TV, and the few books I read every now and then like God intended

ro-bee:

narilamb wip <3

forthegothicheroine:

That Hamlet post reminds me, people blame Romeo and Juliet for “getting everyone killed”, but the text itself very specifically blames the lords Capulet and Montague. If you want to get to the nitty gritty:

  1. Mercutio got himself killed. Romeo was very specifically trying to not have a swordfight, and Mercutio decided to start one because he thought Romeo was being a pussy. Tybalt actually killed him, but if you’re talking about who “got him killed,” that was Mercutio fucking around and finding out.
  2. Romeo killed Tybalt. This is the one death that I think you can reasonably lay at Romeo’s feet. If he had run off with Benvolio and got the Prince’s men, Tybalt would have been arrested. That said, if my best friend (no matter how stupid) was killed right in front of me and the killer told me that friend sucked and so did I, I cannot guarantee I would do differently.
  3. Lady Capulet said she hired people to kill Romeo. He beat them to the punch on that, but I think it should be pointed out.
  4. Romeo killed Paris in self-defense. There’s a lot of different ways you can play this, and Paris did think he’d broken in to vandalize the tomb of his girlfriend, but once again Romeo specifically begged someone not to fight him and that wasn’t enough.
  5. Romeo killed himself because he thought Juliet was dead. Friar Lawrence had a stupid idea and Juliet followed through on it because her father was going to force her into bigamy (and arguably marital rape), so if anyone “got” this to happen it was Lord Capulet.
  6. Juliet killed herself because her husband was dead, her cousin was dead, her parents had turned on her, the woman who she thought of as a second mother abandoned her, and she was in a room with one guy stabbed and another guy poisoned right as the law was about to break in. Once again, I don’t know what I’d do in her situation.

My Shakespeare professor said that Romeo and Juliet is the only Shakespeare tragedy not caused because of anyone being evil- Lord Capulet and Tybalt (and Mercutio) are dicks, but they’re not Iago or Richard III. None of them wanted the play to end in a pile of bodies. You can’t even point to one specific act and say ‘that was the specific action that caused all of this.’ It’s a surprisingly modern (as opposed to mythic) play in that regard.

shenny100:

pie-bean:

They regret getting office jobs

tumblr tags that read: me freaking out at work while my coworker next to me with lactose intolerance deals with the lactose consequences of drinking 3 coffeesALT

Tags from mothcrumbs

clevercrumbish:

Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and

Desktop icon of a printer labeled "Brother iPrint&Scan"ALT

official-morrissey:

florky:

systern32:

vanillafaceman:

dapu ftnk

stormingtheivory:

stormingtheivory:

hexmeridian:

draganchitsa:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL

#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??

Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

#whenever I feel bad about my writing #morrisey comes to me speaking words of wisdom #barrel roll (via ariannenymerosmartell)

another tragic case of thesaurus abuse. 

I guess this means that… bigmouth strikes again.

Eh? EEeeeeeeh?

I’m ready to die laughing, which I guess just proves that Morrissey’s meat is murder

anarchistmemecollective:

the 'are ya winning son?' meme of a stick figure drawing of a dad walking into a room smoking with a bowl of food asking the titular question and with the original computer desk.  however it's been edited so the son is standing up with animal ears, paws and claws for hands and feet, and a furry tail.  the son is not saying anything but in a sort of paws up animal pose.

here’s a story about changelings

roach-works:

reposted from my old blog, which got deleted:  

Mary was a beautiful baby, sweet and affectionate, but by the time she’s three she’s turned difficult and strange, with fey moods and a stubborn mouth that screams and bites but never says mama. But her mother’s well-used to hard work with little thanks, and when the village gossips wag their tongues she just shrugs, and pulls her difficult child away from their precious, perfect blossoms, before the bites draw blood. Mary’s mother doesn’t drown her in a bucket of saltwater, and she doesn’t take up the silver knife the wife of the village priest leaves out for her one Sunday brunch.

She gives her daughter yarn, instead, and instead of a rowan stake through her inhuman heart she gives her a child’s first loom, oak and ash. She lets her vicious, uncooperative fairy daughter entertain herself with games of her own devising, in as much peace and comfort as either of them can manage.

Mary grows up strangely, as a strange child would, learning everything in all the wrong order, and biting a great deal more than she should. But she also learns to weave, and takes to it with a grand passion. Soon enough she knows more than her mother–which isn’t all that much–and is striking out into unknown territory, turning out odd new knots and weaves, patterns as complex as spiderwebs and spellrings.

“Aren’t you clever,” her mother says, of her work, and leaves her to her wool and flax and whatnot. Mary’s not biting anymore, and she smiles more than she frowns, and that’s about as much, her mother figures, as anyone should hope for from their child.

Mary still cries sometimes, when the other girls reject her for her strange graces, her odd slow way of talking, her restless reaching fluttering hands that have learned to spin but never to settle. The other girls call her freak, witchblood, hobgoblin.

“I don’t remember girls being quite so stupid when I was that age,” her mother says, brushing Mary’s hair smooth and steady like they’ve both learned to enjoy, smooth as a skein of silk. “Time was, you knew not to insult anyone you might need to flatter later. ‘Specially when you don’t know if they’re going to grow wings or horns or whatnot. Serve ‘em all right if you ever figure out curses.”

“I want to go back,” Mary says. “I want to go home, to where I came from, where there’s people like me. If I’m a fairy’s child I should be in fairyland, and no one would call me a freak.”

“Aye, well, I’d miss you though,” her mother says. “And I expect there’s stupid folk everywhere, even in fairyland. Cruel folk, too. You just have to make the best of things where you are, being my child instead.”

Mary learns to read well enough, in between the weaving, especially when her mother tracks down the traveling booktraders and comes home with slim, precious manuals on dyes and stains and mordants, on pigments and patterns, diagrams too arcane for her own eyes but which make her daughter’s eyes shine.

“We need an herb garden,” her daughter says, hands busy, flipping from page to page, pulling on her hair, twisting in her skirt, itching for a project. “Yarrow, and madder, and woad and weld…”

“Well, start digging,” her mother says. “Won’t do you a harm to get out of the house now’n then.”

Mary doesn’t like dirt but she’s learned determination well enough from her mother. She digs and digs, and plants what she’s given, and the first year doesn’t turn out so well but the second’s better, and by the third a cauldron’s always simmering something over the fire, and Mary’s taking in orders from girls five years older or more, turning out vivid bolts and spools and skeins of red and gold and blue, restless fingers dancing like they’ve summoned down the rainbow. Her mother figures she probably has.

“Just as well you never got the hang of curses,” she says, admiring her bright new skirts. “I like this sort of trick a lot better.”

Mary smiles, rocking back and forth on her heels, fingers already fluttering to find the next project.

She finally grows up tall and fair, if a bit stooped and squinty, and time and age seem to calm her unhappy mouth about as well as it does for human children. Word gets around she never lies or breaks a bargain, and if the first seems odd for a fairy’s child then the second one seems fit enough. The undyed stacks of taken orders grow taller, the dyed lots of filled orders grow brighter, the loom in the corner for Mary’s own creations grows stranger and more complex. Mary’s hands callus just like her mother’s, become as strong and tough and smooth as the oak and ash of her needles and frames, though they never fall still.

“Do you ever wonder what your real daughter would be like?” the priest’s wife asks, once.

Mary’s mother snorts. “She wouldn’t be worth a damn at weaving,” she says. “Lord knows I never was. No, I’ll keep what I’ve been given and thank the givers kindly. It was a fair enough trade for me. Good day, ma’am.”

Mary brings her mother sweet chamomile tea, that night, and a warm shawl in all the colors of a garden, and a hairbrush. In the morning, the priest’s son comes round, with payment for his mother’s pretty new dress and a shy smile just for Mary. He thinks her hair is nice, and her hands are even nicer, vibrant in their strength and skill and endless motion.  

They all live happily ever after.

*

Here’s another story:

Gregor grew fast, even for a boy, grew tall and big and healthy and began shoving his older siblings around early. He was blunt and strange and flew into rages over odd things, over the taste of his porridge or the scratch of his shirt, over the sound of rain hammering on the roof, over being touched when he didn’t expect it and sometimes even when he did. He never wore shoes if he could help it and he could tell you the number of nails in the floorboards without looking, and his favorite thing was to sit in the pantry and run his hands through the bags of dry barley and corn and oat. Considering as how he had fists like a young ox by the time he was five, his family left him to it.

“He’s a changeling,” his father said to his wife, expecting an argument, but men are often the last to know anything about their children, and his wife only shrugged and nodded, like the matter was already settled, and that was that.

They didn’t bind Gregor in iron and leave him in the woods for his own kind to take back. They didn’t dig him a grave and load him into it early. They worked out what made Gregor angry, in much the same way they figured out the personal constellations of emotion for each of their other sons, and when spring came, Gregor’s father taught him about sprouts, and when autumn came, Gregor’s father taught him about sheaves. Meanwhile his mother didn’t mind his quiet company around the house, the way he always knew where she’d left the kettle, or the mending, because she was forgetful and he never missed a detail.

“Pity you’re not a girl, you’d never drop a stitch of knitting,” she tells Gregor, in the winter, watching him shell peas. His brothers wrestle and yell before the hearth fire, but her fairy child just works quietly, turning peas by their threes and fours into the bowl.

“You know exactly how many you’ve got there, don’t you?” she says.

“Six hundred and thirteen,” he says, in his quiet, precise way.

His mother says “Very good,” and never says Pity you’re not human. He smiles just like one, if not for quite the same reasons.

The next autumn he’s seven, a lucky number that pleases him immensely, and his father takes him along to the mill with the grain.

“What you got there?” The miller asks them.

“Sixty measures of Prince barley, thirty two measures of Hare’s Ear corn, and eighteen of Abernathy Blue Slate oats,” Gregor says. “Total weight is three hundred fifty pounds, or near enough. Our horse is named Madam. The wagon doesn’t have a name. I’m Gregor.”

“My son,” his father says. “The changeling one.”

“Bit sharper’n your others, ain’t he?” the miller says, and his father laughs.

Gregor feels proud and excited and shy, and it dries up all his words, sticks them in his throat. The mill is overwhelming, but the miller is kind, and tells him the name of each and every part when he points at it, and the names of all the grain in all the bags waiting for him to get to them.

“Didn’t know the fair folk were much for machinery,” the miller says.

Gregor shrugs. “I like seeds,” he says, each word shelled out with careful concentration. “And names. And numbers.”

“Aye, well. Suppose that’d do it. Want t’help me load up the grist?”

They leave the grain with the miller, who tells Gregor’s father to bring him back ‘round when he comes to pick up the cornflour and cracked barley and rolled oats. Gregor falls asleep in the nameless wagon on the way back, and when he wakes up he goes right back to the pantry, where the rest of the seeds are left, and he runs his hands through the shifting, soothing textures and thinks about turning wheels, about windspeed and counterweights.

When he’s twelve–another lucky number–he goes to live in the mill with the miller, and he never leaves, and he lives happily ever after.

*

Here’s another:

James is a small boy who likes animals much more than people, which doesn’t bother his parents overmuch, as someone needs to watch the sheep and make the sheepdogs mind. James learns the whistles and calls along with the lambs and puppies, and by the time he’s six he’s out all day, tending to the flock. His dad gives him a knife and his mom gives him a knapsack, and the sheepdogs give him doggy kisses and the sheep don’t give him too much trouble, considering.

“It’s not right for a boy to have so few complaints,” his mother says, once, when he’s about eight.

“Probably ain’t right for his parents to have so few complaints about their boy, neither,” his dad says.

That’s about the end of it. James’ parents aren’t very talkative, either. They live the routines of a farm, up at dawn and down by dusk, clucking softly to the chickens and calling harshly to the goats, and James grows up slow but happy.

When James is eleven, he’s sent to school, because he’s going to be a man and a man should know his numbers. He gets in fights for the first time in his life, unused to peers with two legs and loud mouths and quick fists. He doesn’t like the feel of slate and chalk against his fingers, or the harsh bite of a wooden bench against his legs. He doesn’t like the rules: rules for math, rules for meals, rules for sitting down and speaking when you’re spoken to and wearing shoes all day and sitting under a low ceiling in a crowded room with no sheep or sheepdogs. Not even a puppy.

But his teacher is a good woman, patient and experienced, and James isn’t the first miserable, rocking, kicking, crying lost lamb ever handed into her care. She herds the other boys away from him, when she can, and lets him sit in the corner by the door, and have a soft rag to hold his slate and chalk with, so they don’t gnaw so dryly at his fingers. James learns his numbers well enough, eventually, but he also learns with the abruptness of any lamb taking their first few steps–tottering straight into a gallop–to read.

Familiar with the sort of things a strange boy needs to know, his teacher gives him myths and legends and fairytales, and steps back. James reads about Arthur and Morgana, about Hercules and Odysseus, about djinni and banshee and brownies and bargains and quests and how sometimes, something that looks human is left to try and stumble along in the humans’ world, step by uncertain step, as best they can.

James never comes to enjoy writing. He learns to talk, instead, full tilt, a leaping joyous gambol, and after a time no one wants to hit him anymore. The other boys sit next to him, instead, with their mouths closed, and their hands quiet on their knees.  

“Let’s hear from James,” the men at the alehouse say, years later, when he’s become a man who still spends more time with sheep than anyone else, but who always comes back into town with something grand waiting for his friends on his tongue. “What’ve you got for us tonight, eh?”

James finishes his pint, and stands up, and says, “Here’s a story about changelings.”

adeebobo:

lindleland:

“save me, substance abuse!” i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named “substance abuse”. you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

this reminds me of me and my friend’s horse named Drugs

when i was in middle school me and my friends had a small yellow horse eraser we fondly named “drugs”. this lead to a lot of middle school tomfoolery around his name and saying shit like “Ma’am, so and so took drugs from me” and other dumb shit like that.

eventually, our english teacher, Mr. R, caught onto the joke. instead of writing us up or sending us to the principal though, he played along, making similar jokes like “(name), stop taking drugs.” “hey. you three. you need to share drugs if he’s going to be at the table.” “no drugs today, guys?” so on and so forth.

by the end of the school year it had become a very fond joke between us and this english teacher, so we decided since we were moving onto our freshman year, we decided to give our eng teacher this little yellow horse eraser.

so we go find our english teacher, Mr. R, who was setting up cornhole with our principal and other “big important people” for our 8th grade graduation party, and we hand him the little eraser.

to which he yells as loudly (and happily) as he can: “YOURE GIVING ME DRUGS?!!”

i actually went back to visit him before i left for college, and to this day he still has Drugs on his desk, and regularly tells his new students about me and my friends. ty op for reminding me about Drugs the Horse

apas-95:

spaghettioverdose:

there was a man named mr teeth….

we still dont know much about him….

There was a man named Mr Teeth

Whose story is shockingly brief

For as soon as you met him

You began to regret him

Since all that he did was queef

footlongdingledong:

yorhaw:

Hi I’m op of the twitter post. I was referencing this tumblr post I saw ages ago. I didnt expect it to blow up.

hi I’m the guy that made that post. Yours is funnier

rat-detector:

royal-random-the-yogurt-queen:

wizardsexmachine:

OOHHH FUUBLBLBLBLB

Sometimes I’m glad jellyfish have no central nervous system and just vibe. Can you imagine being able to think while this happens?

littlebluecaboose:

carriesthewind:

Today at work we were unpacking a big box, and I looked at the box and thought, huh. That box looks much smaller than me sitting on the ground, but I bet if I really scrunched down I could fit most of my body inside the box. And I had one leg fully in the box before I realized:

  1. I am not a cat
  2. I am work
  3. I am wearing a nice suit and might need to appear in court later

anarchistmemecollective:

worknpain:

toastpotent:

tumblr user making a post: “damn i love pasta carbonara”

terf blogger in the notes: “Yes, my female brain agrees with this post whole-heartedly! As I read the words of this post, I could feel the eggs in my uterus shifting in their ovaries happily, as my vagina clenched in understanding. This post really made my understanding of the gender binary more concrete, and made me once again so so glad of my womanness”

#her eggs ovaried wombly as she fallopian'd down the stairsALT

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

girlblogging setting up my pi-hole <3

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING WTF IS AN IP ADDRESS WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE STATIC WTF IS A DHCP I HAVE NO NETWORK EXPERIENCE AAAAAAAAAAAA

oh hey that’s it I just need to stuff with my router now

and it’s done, fuck advertisements

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

retropieos-official:

girlblogging setting up my pi-hole <3

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING WTF IS AN IP ADDRESS WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE STATIC WTF IS A DHCP I HAVE NO NETWORK EXPERIENCE AAAAAAAAAAAA

oh hey that’s it I just need to stuff with my router now

and it’s done, fuck advertisements

pikslasrce:

bitches will hear a song and be like ‘this makes me feel like i have a gaping hole in my chest’ and then they put it on repeat. its me im bitches

mwapollo:

Skizz: Mumbo and Grian had two polar opposite reactions: Grian just started yelling at me, he was like “SKIZZ, YOU HAVE ONE– YOU HAVE LESS THAN ONE BRAINCELL, SKIZZ!”, he’s freaking out, and Mumbo’s like “Yeah, but it’s plus-one awesome!”

(everyone’s laughing)

Grian: Mumbo is a kind of guy, like– you fail a backflip off of a skateboard, and he just sticks his thumbs and goes “SICK!!!!!”. I would be going “Mumbo, you’re okay??? Is your head okay??? Look at me, bro!!! What’s going on???”, and he’s like “IT WAS WICKEDDDDDDD”

(laughing again)

Impulse: This is true. This is so Mumbo.

Wild Life Recap | Imp And Skizz Podcast (Ep123)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

ossifer:

i love winter sso much but trying to think of things to do with friendss during winter is the worst. do you want to come freeze to death outside with me

politijohn:

Source

Source

Same company, three years apart

foone:

foone:

foone:

foone:

A form, where the top part is a Social Security Number field, and the bottom part is a Username field.
The middle part is "If we need to get in touch with you, how do you want us to contact you?"
but there are no options available under thereALT

I can’t get healthcare because this form is broken but at least I agree with it in spirit.

Do not contact me. There are no options for contacting me.

ooh, now it wants to know if I’m one of the four sexes:
male, female, trans: female to male, or trans: male to female.

great job guys, that’s not how it works

oh my god. after filling in that sex option, it also asks for:1. my gender. Options are: M, F, MTF, FTM, NB, Other2. What my birth certificate said my gender was. They’re seriously asking my AGAB.3. My orientation. Straight, Gay/Lesbian, Bi, Queer, Another, Unknown.

A form, asking "What is Foone's Sex?"
the options are "Tall", "x86", "Screaming Geometric Shape", and "Werewolf""ALT


i modified the form slightly before selecting my gender

milf–adjacent:

bovineblogger:

Not how you’re supposed to milk a cow

eliza-forget:

eliza-forget:

eliza-forget:

👁️👁️

SUDDENLY. But it’s interesting

Which characters do I have more fans of here :D

Which bishop do you like in my style?

Leshy

Heket

Narinder

Kallamar

Shamura

See Results

This battle was legendary

I understand you

I didn’t think this poll would be so spectacular. Who will win… Leshy or Shamura?

rongzhi:

song: 其实都没有 - 于冬然 (remix not on youtube)

niamhuncensored:

transyasha:

hymnsofheresy:

one of my father’s hindu colleagues was surprised that my family didn’t make everyone say a christian prayer before we sat down to eat dinner. we were like “….this is your house.” and she laughed and said that her christian friends “make” her pray all the time. like what the fuck. how fucking rude can you be to make the host pray to your god. you are in their fucking house.

I say this as a former Christian

Christians will deadass claim to be oppressed but feel comfortable and safe enough to:

In short, Christian Supremacy needs to be addressed and religious imperialism stopped.

ubernegro:

If Luigi murdered a homeless black guy going through a mental health crisis on a train, Luigi would have been exonerated because of a technicality that said homeless guy was dying anyway or some shit. They’d ask “what about his family?” If Luigi stabbed and killed some brown people instead of shooting some CEO, the police nor the FBI would not have placed bounties on him nor began a manhunt like they didn’t when the exact thing happened on the same exact day in the same fucking city only minutes apart.

Terrorism is not only a socially constructed term but a politically charged one that is dictated by what action that the labeler deems impermissible. When health insurance companies deny, delay, and depose millions of people to their inevitable deaths, it’s not deemed terroristic. It is an acceptable social murder and let’s not soften the term because it is in fact murder that they are committing. But that man’s one act exposed what the authoritarian class thinks of us all. We aren’t valuable.

And that should make you violently fucking angry.