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and then they proceeded to be the worst at their jobs for the next 20 years
No no, you don’t get it. Jesse and James are the absolute best there is at their jobs, but they have no idea what their jobs are.
They think that they’re thieves, agents of an elite criminal group led by Giovanni, stealing rare pokemon and advanced technology and such. And there might have been a time this actually was their jobs. In the first season or two, they frequently get angry phone calls about how they’ve fucked everything up, or get their expense account cut off because they have literally never turned a profit on their criminal enterprises and constantly procure and then lose/destroy expensive and elaborate devices.
But then the world came within a hair’s breadth of being destroyed, several times, and Jesse, James, and their weird cat rescued everybody. As terrible as they’ve always been at criminal endeavors of any kind, when the apocalypse approaches and they’re forced to step up, they’re really fucking good at saving the day.
And Giovanni is over here like… if the planet is destroyed, or time/space becomes unrecognizable, or civilization collapses, there’s no way for me to run a profitable criminal enterprise anymore. I need this planet, because it’s where I keep all my stuff. And I don’t pretend to understand the why of it, but these couple of bumbling nutcases that I should have fired years ago seem to be an important component of that? Somehow? So you gotta stop thinking about them in terms of acquisitions and start considering them… loss prevention. As in, even if you waste a million dollars a month on giant cat-faced robots and a vast array of fancy ball gowns and they never turn a profit, they are preventing all of your assets from going away at the same time because of something you can’t do anything about.
And that’s the great secret behind Team Rocket. These guys aren’t thieves, they’re professional superheroes (sponsored by organized crime). Of course, nobody ever bothered to tell them that.
“To protect the world from devastation…”
Plus, as is frequently pointed out: Jesse and James are good at every other job EXCEPT Team Rocket. They’re actually smart businesspeople and run successful food and merchandise stands and are great salespeople.
Hell, even in Team Rocket situations where they’re not chasing after Pikachu they’ve done better.
It’s just their Achilles Heel is one damn OP rodent.
Pikachu Proximity Intelligence Chart
pretty sure giovanni keeps them on so he can commit insurance fraud by giving them tech insured for way more than what was paid for it so when it inevitably gets destroyed he gets a nice check.
I absolutely love this theory. And I especially love that Giovanni opposes the other villains because the world is where he keeps his things, and he likes things.
i think it’s a shame that in the process of “a million dollars but you have an immortal snail following you that will kill you if it touches you” becoming a mainstream concept we’ve lost part of the original prompt, which is that the snail receives a million dollars as well
So you mean to tell me that just by reblogging this I’m ruining an organizations plan, wasting them money, and uncovering some shitbag humans awful behaviour?
T R I P L E K I L L
DEFINITELY don’t Lt. John Pike by the nickname “Sargeant Pepper”; I know he HATES that.
hung out with my young cousin today and she showed me “soul bug school” which is the gap between her toy chest and the wall where she secretly puts every dead bug she finds in the house
Everyone be making their Narinder’s all grumpy, cold and serious; when he just doesn’t really question it anymore or is just a tired mf according to the official arts
i still think about that post that talks about the prevailing powerfantasy for fiction made by trans women about trans women is “the trans woman is happy and accepted”
like, goddamn…
Please. Love the trans girl in your life. Tell her that she’s enough, and that you’re here for her. Hold her and let her feel like she belongs somewhere and has friends, REAL friends, not because she’s useful but just because you like who she is. Please, take care of her before it’s too late.
why are people pretending that sex is the only axis upon which some people willingly enjoy things that hurt/scare them
BDSM is evil and irrational and nobody is actually into it. now if you’ll excuse me i have to go eat sour candy advertised on the basis that it will hurt my mouth + get on a roller coaster to activate my flight or fight response + read a tragedy that makes me cry + watch a horror movie that will scare me + participate in combat sports for fun and entertainment
i can’t fucking shut up about the man that people are starting to call “The Claims Adjuster” because he not only shot that evil fucker but:
wrote deny defend depose on the bullets in sharpie
deliberately left behind a backpack in central park full of fucking monopoly money
and the cherry on top (so far) is that he potentially used a gun that was designed for veterinarians to put down sick animals
its art, its amazing, this is the best thing thats happened in like 10 years and he is my hero. Everything has felt so bleak and this is like a ray of light shining through the dark clouds into my soul
may they never catch him, and may we never find out who he was
My sister is doing pet play with women on roblox and I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s probably a kink for the others involved
No, I can’t emphasize enough that she’s totally clueless about anything that could be weird about it, she just thinks it’s funny. I had to sit there with a straight face as she told me about how she made this girl eat off of a plate on the ground (in roblox) and sleep in a dog bed (in roblox) whenever she misbehaved and go “oh haha that’s so funny” and pretend like everything’s normal.
maybe
how old is she
She’s in college, she isn’t like, a child
she looking for another dog?
NO
Hey is your sister single (obviously not counting her harem of dog girls)?
No she’s straight (but says she’d go gay for Taylor Swift) and has a boyfriend, sorry petplay girls
Volunteering to stand in as this person’s sister during this time of need
I have a name
This post really makes you take a deep breath and ponder…
I swear to god if this blows up enough that it gets reposted on other social media and my sister sees you all wanting to be her roblox dog…
this will be 100k notes. I feel it.
Sorry liberals, despite 400 tags saying “posts that have 100k to me,” we’re capping out at a nice cool 11k. My white ass is not making it onto tiktok, no robot lady is going to read this text, and my sister is not seeing it. Thank you all for playing
i genuinely think ocd is incredibly underdiagnosed bc i will see people posting what are obvious rituals, compulsions, intrusive thoughts, spiralling, hyper morality, etc and its like Have You Considered This Might Be An Issue
it isnt actually good or normal to have moral dilemmas every day about which posts you reblog. it isn’t actually good or normal to check and recheck every message you send “just in case” you sent porn instead of a ‘hi how are you’. it isn’t actually good or normal to believe that your day will only go well if you have a specific keychain or whatever with you. like i’m not going to diagnose you but i do think some of you need to look into obsessive-compulsive disorder beyond “ha ha funny man wash his hands” portrayals.
Things I really should talk to my therapist about but will forget because of my executive dysfunction despite my awarness of said dysfunction
“everybody hates me” factoid actually just a statistical error. The average person doesn’t hate you, especially not your friends. You, a person who sits in your room experiencing self loathing every day, are an outlier adn should not have been counted.
This is sweet but I really thought it was going to end with someone named “Haters Horge” who spends every second in a cave halfway across the world just loathing you for no reason and they were the statistical outlier
i absolutely set people up to infodump at me, it’s one of my absolute favourite ways to learn things! you mean i get to LEARN NEW STUFF from a FRIEND who is INCANDESCENT OVER SHARING? sign me up FOREVER.
Lavish CEO’s Wife, sobbing hysterically after CEO assassination: I don’t know I don’t know I guess he killed millions of people for our money??? I don’t know I don’t know!!!
Wild that you can use a system to kill millions and that makes you money but you kill one guy with a gun and that’s a crime.
[Image description: Wikipedia article titled “Social murder”. Text reads: Social murder (German: sozialer Mord) is the unnatural death that occurs due to social, political, or economic oppression. The phrase was coined by Friedrich Engels in his 1845 work ‘The Condition of the Working-Class in England’ whereby “the class which at present holds social and political control” (i.e. the bourgeoisie) “places hundreds of proletarians in such a position that they inevitably meet a too early and an unnatural death”. This was in a different category to murder and manslaughter committed by individuals against one another, as social murder explicitly was committed by the political and social elite against the poorest in society. /End ID]
i love all the sociology that has erupted from this
Actually your society is the freaks for shooting everything that moves and burning half your “nature reserves” every year so that upperclass dandies can eat leaded pheasant. North Americans are the well adjusted ones here, your country has become a desolate suburban lawn in island form
my opinion as an american is that we spend way too much time trying to save african megafauna and nowhere near enough time making fun of the english for turning an entire island–which was once a hazelnut food forest–into a goddamn lawn.
bill bryson once actually wrote down in a whole book and got published that the english were superb gardeners and i about threw the book out the window i was that outraged. the english!!! the fucking ENGLISH. them? that’s who you want to laud? the english
the
THERE ARE A GRAND FUCKING TOTAL OF ZERO STAPLE CROPS ORIGINALLY OR EVEN PRIMARILY CULTIVATED BY THE ENGLISH. NONE OF THEM. NOT POTATOES NOT WHEAT NOT TURNIPS NOT RYE. THEY GNAWED THEIR ISLAND DOWN TO A NUB FOR NOTHING. THE WOLVES AND BEARS ALL GONE FOR NOTHING. THE WILDCATS AND BIRDS AND MUSTELIDS AND INSECTS, GONE IN THEIR THOUSANDS, FOR NOTHING. FOR SOME SHEEP. FOR
THEIR MAIN AGRICULTURAL EXPORT IS FAMINE
anyway the english approach to agriculture, biodiversity, and environmentalism is roughly on par with a dog’s approach to someone else’s homework and everywhere in the world that has inherited their cack-fisted disdain for nature has suffered immensely. i can’t overstate enough how bad things have been and still are.
please make fun of them. it’s the least they fucking deserve.
My 14 year old brother just took a drink of hot chocolate and hissed like he’d knocked back a shot of vodka then set it down and went “ah… that’s the good stuff.”
Just watched him lose a card game as badly as he could on purpose for the sole purpose of annoying the guy trying to run the game and when I was like what is wrong with you all he said was “that’s how we do it down in Vegas”
I told him that this has 2k notes and the people love him and he completely deadpan went “wow it’s everything I ever wanted” and then immediately accidentally set himself on fire in skyrim and died
idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it
Actually forget what I said. This dream is more important than anything
