au i made up where ford and mcgucket build a supercomputer together and then everything bad happens
“cannot be allowed to breach containment” made me think of scp and then the use of the word supercomputer made me think of ihnmaims i fucking love this so much i love it i love it i love it i love when multiple interests of mine combine
I’m trying to figure out a good way to say “you really should actually learn the basics of small talk” with sounding like I’m biased against autistic people.
So here’s the thing:
I see a lot of neurodivergent people talk about small talk as this baffling and meaningless waste of time that neurotypicals do for some unknown reason, and as an autistic person in an industry that is extremely based on building relationships and engaging with others, I’ve actually found a few really key important pieces to small talk.
1. Small talk can make interactions feel less mercenary or transactional. Having even brief exchanges about something beyond the reason that you’re interacting can make it feel less like the only goal of the interaction. Especially for relationships that are not fully transactional (e.g., coworkers), this can help build a relationship with them.
2. Small talk can be a way to find commonalities and help bridge cultural or power divides. Recently I was on a call with a couple of Indian colleagues, and while we were waiting for everyone else to join I asked them where they lived in India. They didn’t expect that I had heard of it, but I knew it because my dad had traveled there for work every couple months for a year or so, so we could chat about it briefly. Even for a couple of minutes, we were able to connect on this unexpected commonality. If I hadn’t had that connection, I would have been able to learn about somewhere, helping narrow the privilege gap of them being expected to know more about where I live than I am about where they live.
3. Small talk can show knowledge about a person, which both builds connections and indicates that you see their life as important enough to remember about. The stereotypical “How’s the wife?/How are the kids?” shows that you know the person has a wife/kids and have enough interest in their life to even ask.
4. Small talk can ease tension and reduce pressure from others, especially in a professional setting if more junior members are expected to speak. Especially for junior staff members, it can be difficult to be the first person to talk and break the silence, so engaging in small talk beforehand allows for a lower-pressure transition from silence to whatever the presentation is about.
5. Small talk provides a low-risk way to identify commonalities. While conversations about religion, politics, etc. may lead to tension or discomfort, even if they bring out commonalities, small talk is specifically structured to minimize tension while still providing the opportunity to learn more about each other. A conversation about the weather can reveal that you both like hiking when it’s nice out; a conversation about the weekend can reveal that you both have family in the same state.
Small talk in many cases is signaling, a way to indicate certain things to people. It’s a more indirect version of it than many autistic people like, but it is one.
But, you cry, I don’t know how to do small talk!
Small talk actually has some pretty clear guidelines, even if they are often unspoken.
You are generally always safe starting with a question.
Weather, traffic/travel, and non-political events are generally a safe bet, because those are commonalities even if you are in different locations. “It was so nice out here this weekend. What’s the weather like near you?” “I got stuck in that big traffic mess on my way here. Did you get caught in that?”
If you have some knowledge about that person, use that to inform further questions. I knew my coworkers lived in India, so I asked where in India. If I had just known that they didn’t live in the same country as me, I could have asked where they lived.
Let them offer information about their family before you ask about it. Family can be complicated, and if you wait for them to offer that will indicate what sort of information they are comfortable sharing. You can then mirror their language (e.g., if they mention a wife then you can ask how their wife is doing, if they mention a partner then you can ask how the partner is doing). If “how are they doing” feels too personal, language like “what are they up to these days?” can be a bit more neutral and feel less invasive. If you’re really not sure, feel free to avoid questions about family altogether.
When asking about where someone is from, don’t ask “where are you from originally?” unless you know for a fact that they are not from where you are. Instead, you can ask things like, “Did you grow up around here?” which is a more neutral phrasing. This is especially common for the area where I live where a huge percentage of people are transplants (including me) and so people who actually grew up in the area are a bit of a rarity.
Politics, religion, and money are generally not good starting points for small talk
Weather, traffic/commutes, non-political events, and weekends/time off are generally safe bets
Also, autistic people are often taught that our ways of being are bad, and that often gets reflected in our small talk about ourselves, so it’s good to try and notice that and reframe it if possible. “I didn’t go out on the weekend because I was tired/don’t have much of a social life/many spaces are sensory hell” can be said as “I don’t go out much, I’m a bit of a homebody”. “I only bring cheese sandwiches for lunch because I’m boring” can be said as “I just like a simple lunch”. If people get judgemental about things like that, especially if you avoid phrasing them in a self-deprecating way, then that’s 100% them being weird and bad at small talk.
Oh, btw, sometimes, especially if you work in an office with lots of women over idk like 35, the response to “I just like a simple lunch.” may be a sympathetic “Oh, sensitive stomach?”. Just say yes or “something like that”- it’s close enough to true, and may buy you an ally in finding edible-to-you food at social gatherings.
you guys HAVE to take “is dumb” off the end of your username. you have to take “my shit rambles” out of your talking tag. you have to stop apologizing for existing. I get so sad for every url I see like “[name]’s-stupid-reblogs” and every blog I open with a title like “pointless posts” and every opinion post I see tagged something derogatory by op!! speaking as someone whose post tag used to be “makes bad posts.” stop actively putting up roadblocks for yourself!! why do we always say bullying is bad but never when we’re bullying ourselves
Public Health Scotland: No cervical cancer cases have been detected in women who have been fully vaccinated against HPV. The HPV jag was rolled out to girls aged 12-13 in Scotland in 2008.
I just went and got my vaccine at the age of 25 last year and it was a fairly easy process + was fully covered by my insurance. It does take around ~8 months to become fully vaccinated though (3 shots for adults spread a few months apart), so if you’re currently sexually active or will be in the future, it’s better to start the process sooner rather than later
i’ve seen enough horror movies starring upper-middle-income white families stuck in spacious haunted mansions. gimme stories about millennials stuck in haunted studio apartments. consider the realism:
why is this protagonist staying in an obviously haunted building despite the glaring warning signs? because a week at a motel would send them spiraling into credit card debt, they’ll take their chances with the vengeful spirits. why did they chose this apartment complex to begin with, despite the many many unexplained mysterious deaths that show up on the first page of a google search? hon some of us don’t have the credit score to move away from high (paranormal) crime areas. how could i be so careless as to sign a soul-binding contract with a demonic entity? bitch they’re called LANDLORDS
terfs are literally the loudest and most obnoxious about women needing to be tiny and hairless and dainty and childlike and incapable delicate waifs and cisgender and hyperfeminine (and white) to be “real women” because they are reactionary.
Me saying that I find it unfunny and unacceptable to either make or laugh at girl math girl dinner I’m just a girl jokes where the punchline is that women are all tiny delicate incapable little waif-children because those jokes are reactionary IS me being a buzzkill. I don’t find that reactionary shit funny and I won’t let anyone else around me find it funny either. That punchline and what it communicates about women is especially harmful to trans women and transfemmes. Me being a buzzkill about this is NOT me being a TERF and I think you’re nasty for putting that shit on me.
godddd for the last time. a strong sense of justice in autistic people is not always a positive trait. its just a trait. a strong sense of justice does not mean that you are the most objective source on morality, it means you can’t let go of what you believe is right or should be done. autistic people aren’t morally superior or more socially intelligent than allistic people, you guys have GOT to stop acting like its progressive to decide a certain neurotype is the one everyone should default to.
a strong sense of justice can mean anything from unwilling to betray your moral code to harassing people for thinking differently because you believe you’re so right the other person HAS to understand. it can mean not giving up on what you believe in and it can mean believing something horrible and yet being unwilling to hear why youre wrong. ive had to call in sick because i heard a group of people disagreed with me on an issue i cared about because i couldnt process the fact that i was wrong and if i was put in any confrontational situation i would not be able to do anything but defend myself even knowing i was sort of wrong.
a strong sense of justice is not an exclusively positive trait. almost nothing is. everything is complex and nuanced.
a strong sns of justic can man anything from unwilling to btray your moral cod to harassing popl for thinking diffrntly bcaus you bliv you’r so right th othr prson HAS to undrstand. it can man not giving up on what you bliv in and it can man bliving somthing horribl and yt bing unwilling to har why your wrong. iv had to call in sick bcaus i hard a group of popl disagrd with m on an issu i card about bcaus i couldnt procss th fact that i was wrong and if i was put in any confrontational situation i would not b abl to do anything but dfnd myslf vn knowing i was sort of wrong.
a strong sns of justic is not an xclusivly positiv trait. almost nothing is. vrything is complx and nuancd.
make sure you keep this guide handy the next time you find yourself interacting with your insurance company or any other millionaire, billionaire, or an individual who is part of a protected class such as a CEO or president of a corporation.
CNN suggested that Luigi Mangione stage a boycott instead of what he did. a boycott of the health care industry. exercising my right to protest by fucking dying.
If you’re not from the US, pls know that around 50% of people get their health insurance through their employer meaning they have basically no choice in who their provider is.
It’s all about keeping us in line while the riches get richer, if they can turn a blind eye to school kids being murdered senselessly, the least we can do is call them out for who they really are, thoughts and prayers not included.
a whole bunch of gazan mutual aid projects and nonprofits. if the decision of which individual fundraiser to give to feels too daunting, or if you just want to help as many people as possible in one go, these are great initiatives to support.
care for gaza - focuses on providing food and essential supplies. donate here or here.
connecting humanity - securing internet access via donations of virtual sim cards (esims). if you can’t afford a whole plan yourself, crips for esims is a communal pool that will use your donation to purchase and maintain esims
ele elna elak - provides clean water, food, clothing, and shelter. they also have a gofundme
life for gaza - raising money for the gaza municipality to repair water and waste management infrastructure
taawon - partners with local civil organizations to provide food, water, medical care, shelter, and basic supplies
the sameer project - running various initiatives providing tents, medical care, and necessities. they have their own encampment project focused on sheltering families with children, sick and disabled members, or members in need of perinatal care
baitulmaal - provides a variety of necessities, including food, water, shelter, and medical supplies
gaza mutual aid fund - distributes food, hygiene products, water, and other essential supplies, including financial support. run by @/el-shab-hussein’s amazing friend Mona. updates can be found on her instagram.
hygiene kits for gaza - provides hygiene supplies including menstrual products, wipes, and toothbrushes/toothpaste
anera - provides a variety of necessities, including food, water, hygiene supplies, medicine, blankets and mattresses, and psychological care
certainly this is not an exhaustive list, so please feel free to add on other projects or organizations that i didn’t include. and as always, please take the time to donate if you can and share. it truly makes all the difference.
I’ve been feeling insane about this for a good ten years because I remember that the books that I read as a kid all had stories where the protagonist was completely normal and they found an object or a book and learning to read the book or use the magical object was what made them into the cool hero, and then part way during my childhood suddenly all the new books had heroes that were the hero because they were born the hero, and they were just temporarily uncool because they didn’t know that they were born special.
And I know that these things are trends that come and go, but I’m 30 years old now and the “you can only be born special, you can’t work to achieve great things” narrative just WILL. NOT. DIE. as a trend in YA lit.
Can we PLEASE go back to “find a weird book in the library and accidentally become an all powerful wizard because you can read aloud” being the dominant narrative of youth fiction?
“girl dinner” “girl math” “i’m just a girl” okay but I am an adult I am six feet tall I am loud as fuck I take up space I am smart and capable. So are you. Why would we want to laugh at jokes where the punchline is that women aren’t? Why would we want to make jokes about being small and childish and incapable? Who do you think laughs at those jokes the loudest?
imo it’s not that deep, or it wasn’t that deep when these jokes were only between women, particularly friends. if i go to goodwill and spend $50 and say “haha girl math!” to my friend who also spent too much money at goodwill, it’s because i’m filled with the joy of acquired trinkets & excited to take them home with me. it doesn’t mean i don’t understand the value of $50, it doesn’t mean i didn’t have $50 to spend. it has nothing to do with girls = dumb because girls already know they’re not dumb. then men got ahold of it and now i can’t say “haha girl dinner” on a pic of diet coke and weed without some idiot accusing me of bimbofying drug addiction or whatever the fuck because they saw a meme post, assuming i have diet coke and weed for dinner every day, but have no idea i actually had a popeye’s 3-piece w/mac & cheese. and a diet coke.
If you spend too much money shopping and decide to blame that on you being a girl as an adult, own it. That’s what you’re doing. You are the one putting that idea out into the world and normalizing it in your social circle. You know you’re not dumb, but “‘girl math’ is when you spend too much money shopping” is not a statement that anyone can make without misogynistic social consequences. If you wanna die on this hill for your right to make sexist jokes go for it, but you are responsible for those consequences as much as anyone else.
It IS that deep, and you know it’s that deep because when you hear men make those jokes you get the appropriate level of angry. Why do YOU want to make jokes where the punchline is that the only math women can do is be bad at budgeting? What do you get out of that?
brooding men who cannot communicate their feelings if their life depended on it are only hot when they’re fictional. if i have to deal with one in real life i will curse him and pray for his downfall every night before i go to bed
It’s because the writer communicates their feelings for them. If people wanna pull that off in real life they need to hire a guy to walk around behind them narrating.
So the Premier of Victoria (an Australian state) posted this on twitter yesterday
Someone shared it on Reddit asking if that was appropriate language for an Australian politician to be using and the entire thread is just Australians saying “only a dickhead would think this is a problem”.
There was briefly a popular brand of matches called ‘Dickheads’ in Australia
However, it is extremely unlikely that this is what Jacinta was referencing, as the government frequently swears at Australian citizens in its comms if it wants to signal the message is serious.
Australian governments have zero chill sometimes
The idea that anyone would consider that tweet inappropriate is hilarious to me
She could look directly into a news camera and say “if you have a bonfire today you’re a fucking cunt” and it’d become the season’s fire danger catchphrase. The idea of appropriateness wouldn’t come up except from weary teachers complaining that they’ve been listening for two weeks to fourteen year old boys who have found a new semi-appropriate way to yell the word 'cunt’ at each other at recess.
America needs this. We don’t listen to politeness.
everyone is always acting like there is some crisis of human interaction with one another because everyone is overly sensitive to how strangers approach them and like. no actually its because nobody has any fucking manners. social etiquette has legitimately vanished. it makes interacting with strangers miserable because people don’t know how to fucking behave in public.
like it is rude to stare. it is rude to point. it is rude to have a loud phone conversation in a quiet place. it’s rude to listen to music or videos or whatever on your device with no headphones on a loud volume, or at any volume in an enclosed or quiet space. these are rude things to do. like i’m sorry while some etiquette is silly, an acceptable level of decorum is necessary to make existing in public bearable for everybody…….it is LITERALLY common courtesy
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