Men, boys, and eggs of my acquaintance, I cannot stress this enough:
Nobody worth being with will ever judge you based on your deli sandwich choices.
Sincerely, a dude who had to watch like two dozen men pretend to find vegetarian sandwiches unthinkable in order to maintain a sense of masculinity today.
The sando gender spectrum I osmoted this weekend according to a specific type of dude:
1. Roast beef is the most masculine of sandwiches. The only sandwich it is permissible to ask for by name (we did not have roast beef as an option).
2. Ham is an acceptable substitute for roast beef. There appears to be some controversy, however, over the bread options; we only had two, croissant or ancient grains roll (gluten free). Croissant is considered slightly more manly than ancient grains UNLESS you are under 20 in which case “ancient grain” sounds badass.
3. Turkey is okay, obviously not ham but if you don’t like ham it’s an option as long as you don’t show enthusiasm for it. Definitely has to have mayo however. Mustard is a bit much. (Initial field research indicates mayo is the manliest of condiments but we have not introduced barbecue sauce into the study yet.)
4. Chicken salad is woman food. Absolutely not acceptable unless you announce loudly that it’s for your wife or that she’s making you for your health.
5. Vegetarian wraps require a recoil reaction or a sheepish “oh, no, no, what meats do you have?” protest. We had the veggie wraps off to one side so vegetarians could get to them more easily, and guys would come up to the wrap boxes because there was no crowd/line, then I’d say “that’s veggie wraps” and they’d stagger back.
To be clear, most of the people of all genders at the event were totally fine, this was a small and specific set of guys – mostly older dudes and (unsurprisingly) their young sons or grandsons. Maybe 20-30 people out of the 400+ attendees. But it really was both sad and a little funny to watch them unnecessarily assert their manhood using deli meat to me, a guy in a floral shirt with neon blue hair handing out box lunches at a charity event. My indifference to your masculinity is so vast it has its own international calling code, fellas.
Friends, I have volunteered in the lunch tent once more and I have new scientific findings to share regarding the Sandwich Gender Spectrum.
We still do not serve roast beef, the most toxically manly of all sandwiches, but it turns out that there is a sandwich option almost as masculine, the mention of which will preclude a certain type of dude from even asking for roast beef:
The Italian.
For those unfamiliar, an Italian sandwich in most American sandwich shops is composed of ham, capicola, salami, and sometimes pepperoni, with provolone, the usual sandwich veggies, and a drizzle of Italian dressing.
The hierarchy from ham-downwards remains undisturbed by this revelation currently rocking sandwich discourse, but new data has indicated that the Italian sandwich occupies a special place above ham and technically below roast beef but so acceptable a substitute for roast beef that I only had one guy ask me for it this time around. I would say, “We have ham, Italian, turkey, or veggie,” and the Certain Kind Of Man would look skeptically at the ham and then ask for an Italian.
I am now working on my doctoral thesis in Sandwich Gender, where I will be examining whether there is a direct correlation between how masculine a sandwich is and how weirdly homoerotic the name is. I’m going to call it “I’d Like An Italian: Gender And Sexuality Between The Buns.”
I found a guide for a no tape, easy to unwrap wrapping tutorial to make Christmas a little more accessible, wish I just found it sooner
Could i not have seen that before Christmas? Anyway, queueing this for next december to save a life.
This is how they wrap surgical sets before sterilizing them (in a cloth not paper…god I wosh the cloth is a pain in the ass) except when they tuck the last bit in, they fold it over so the end is poking out of the box (like a pull tab).
for the LAST TIME: goon, henchman, and minion are LEGALLY DISTINCT CATEGORIES.
goons are unionized, part of the goonion. if you are employed at will, ESPECIALLY if you’re paid under the table, you’re a henchmen. and you’re only a minion if you’re being coerced and meet the legal standard for duress. recently this has been almost entirely brainwashing, but more traditional forms of duress still meet the threshold for minion.
if your employer pays you above board but you’re not part of the goonion—SIGN UP. don’t let your employer abuse you at work!!
traditionally, a cronie was a type of underling for financial criminals. underlings aren’t the same as henchmen because underlings are temp workers, and cannot work for a single villain by definition. financial criminals rarely want to permanently staff their operations, and while minions are a largely exploited class, controlling them is more overhead than the average bernie maydoff wants to shoulder. contrary to underlings, who can transition to a permanent henching position, cronies can’t, and thus they have to sign an FLSA waiver upon hire. The goonion has been trying to close this cronie loophole for almost a decade, but the NLRB considers this situation a natural hazard of illegal work and no administration has been willing to touch the issue.
in recent years, cronie has also been colloquially applied to the exempt management above the underlings, but this is management’s attempt at ingratiating themselves among their employees to prevent any organizing on the part of cronies. unfortunately, the colloquial use is more widely understood, as many associate cronyism with close villanous associations among the financial elite. the goonion does not endorse this interpretation, and neither does the NLRB.
in a fascinating turn of events, because of this linguistic shift, mook has been used to refer to temporary villanous employees, but that is also a misattribution. a mook is an independent contractor, not an employee. underling is still the correct term for temps.
hilariously, because cronies are required to sign the FLSA waiver, financial villains don’t need to misclass employees. thus, misclassing henchmen and underlings as mooks generally is committed by villanous corporations rather than embezzlers/scam artists/financiers.
in recent years, cronie has also been colloquially applied to the exempt management above the underlings, but this is management’s attempt at ingratiating themselves among their employees to prevent any organizing on the part of cronies.
there exists a game genre that is not often spoken about. and that genre is “games you only play with your cousins” like the ratatouille wii game or lego indiana jones
eagerly awaiting the reveal of what political science 101 concept is she going to stop the plot to teach middle schoolers about. we got bread and circuses we got the extended work on thomas hobbes my money is on haymitch starting this book as an objectivist and having to unlearn that in the face of true struggle
REAL
oh it is definitely not im genuine. i am fully aware that the series is on the younger end of YA and so ms. collins meets the audience where they’re at. love and admire her clear commitment to using her books to teach middle schoolers introductory political theory i think that’s something that should really really be accessible to kids.
The thing about this website is that you can NOT predict what posts will do numbers. If you sit down and craft something and think ‘this is the most insightful thing I’ve ever written’ it will get one pity like from a ten-year mutual. If you flop over to the computer at 3am to drowsily type some bullshit like 'bones are perpetually unborn teeth’ before passing out over your keyboard it’ll destroy your notifications for weeks.
This is also true of writing short stories btw. The nonsense that you type out waiting for a computer game to download will be everyone’s favourite.
For the writers struggling to rid themselves of the classic ‘said’. Some are repeated in different categories since they fit multiple ones (but those are counted once so it adds up to 100 new words).
I had a rule with this blog that I wouldn’t re-blog stuff from my main account that included characters that weren’t already introduced, but screw it. I’m writing a fanfic about Y/N getting adopted into the outliers polycule for all of you who wanted to kiss the skeletons so far
one of those horny games where you have to do puzzles to get sex cgs, but the puzzles are just really fucking hard and you have to look up a walkthrough which is deeply embarrassing
the girls make fun of you for being bad at the puzzles. you have to beg them for clues.
I feel like someone is standing next to me talking about how I’m dead
The chemical they put on ants and all the other ants think they’re dead that’s what happened to tumblr except the chemical is unmarketability
tumblr may have censored porn but check this out
i hope Elon musk KILLS himself and DIES a thousand DEATHS. and i hope every other billionaire a very merry DIE DIE DEATH KILL MURDER DEATH KILL
tumblr on top
tumblr doesnt censor porn. what are you talking about??? i went to block someone the other day (because a friend said they were posting a bunch of weird ads) and when i clicked on the Tumblr, the first thing i saw was uncensored hardcore porn
and the porn bots did yall forget about the porn bots
porn isnt censored?
porn is supposed to be censored
But the bots have a fucking mission to post as much porn as possible
oh i see
but my point is that porn isnt censored
It’s because back before they banned porn that like the main thing Tumblr was known for
Most people didn’t care about the art, fanfiction etc we have they were just here to goon
