I love sitting down in the evening and trying to decide what activity I should do to unwind and then realizing an hour later that I have neither done an activity nor unwound
You, a normal human, try out a dating app you’ve never heard of and soon find out it’s a dating app for supernatural entities. Every date you go on, your date is always surprised you’re not repulsed by their non-human features. But your latest date just can’t believe you’re not joking…
honestly more media should portray the anti aging industry as horrific and decidedly unhuman. it IS body horror it IS grotesque it DOES go against nature. it WILL kill you. yes.
sending asks is so scary what if i sneezed on my keyboard and mistyped my entire adress and misgendered everyone and mispelled every single word and also typed my password into the message. what then. once the ask is sent who knows what it looks like. i couldve tyepd anything
woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.
Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.
Fascinated by the perceived necessity of an Equivalent Exchange
there’s absolutely something to be said about ‘booktok’ books being largely wattpad quality written erotica i’m certainly not reading them however having seen a guy on tiktok make a video like ‘all the women in your life are READING PORN’ about a book he picked up and read in his FEMALE FRIEND’S HOUSE in a tone of scandalised horror and disgust i actually don’t think men should be making those criticisms. he said he picked it up expecting a romance and was horrified it was GOONER SHIT he said specifically like ‘who are you getting your pussy wet FOR??’ in a tone of revulsion. idk man im not sure shes the weird one. i kind of wish you were dead
“a lot of books that are successful on booktok are not very good” and “people can read what they want and we need to stop being so fucking weird about women enjoying erotica” are both correct statements
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[stifled giggling]
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
Julius IdontgivaFucik
More like Julius Fuckit
Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share
Kinda fucked up that we all coo and sympathize with “former gifted kids” but never talk about the students who had to stay late after school or over the summer for remedial classes/clubs, who struggled to get above a C, who were given up on or punished. Who tried so hard to understand or just couldn’t. Who were grouped with the “stupid kids” (a classmate called us that in remedial math btw)
Autistic kids and adhders who can’t relate to their gifted peers and are constantly alienated by them. Kids who struggled in school due to dealing with a chronic or mental illness or physical/learning/developmental disability. Those of us who have had to drop out of highschool or college. Kids who worked so hard and wanted to be seen as smart, but never were. Who watched as their peers seem to fly by them in school, while they were left behind. Who were bullied and put down by those in the gifted and honors classes. Whose confidence was absolutely destroyed by education.
I love you all and I’m so sorry the school system failed you. I’m sorry you weren’t properly accommodated and given the education you deserved. I’m sorry people put you down for something that they never had to fight for.
As a 30 year old man who escaped the Alt-right pipeline, you’re not going to be happy about the answer.
All I hear from leftists is how much they hate me for my immutable traits, how much they blame me for everything wrong with the world, how much they want me and everyone who looks like me dead.
Whereas Alt-right types would call me “brother” and welcome me into their ranks so long as I hated the right ways.
Do you understand the difference?
I’m an ally and support equality because I feel it’s the morally correct choice to make, but holy fuck is it difficult to reconcile that with the fact that means fighting for a lot of people who see you as the scum of the earth.
Read this and then read it again and then read some fucking bell hooks because this is a legitimate problem on the left.
“To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist-defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being.” - bell hooks, The Will to Change https://bellhooksbooks.com/product/the-will-to-change/
i’m sorry how do you “find out” your bf is a trump supporter. when i’m getting to know someone I always want to hear their political opinions lol like I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who never shared that? how do you discuss the news??
they don’t! politics only exists during election season and then only symbolically for most of these people!
Politics premate society, it’s less that they don’t exist and more that they are ignored and all their effects observed individually
i’m sorry how do you “find out” your bf is a trump supporter. when i’m getting to know someone I always want to hear their political opinions lol like I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who never shared that? how do you discuss the news??
they don’t! politics only exists during election season and then only symbolically for most of these people!
Man: What’s a matter girl, you had a little bit too much corn?
Pig: *very long disgruntled groan which rises in pitch*
Man: Is that a yeah?
Pig: *shorter groan*
Man: Okay. Here I come, I gotta get the intoxicated pig… Look at this pig…
Pig: *quiet snort*
Man: Hey!
Pig: *snort*
Man: Are you messed up, girl?
Pig: *short snort*
Man: Never seen a damn pig… Look at that, that one here’s fine, that one there is fine, this one here is turned belly up
Pig: *snort snort snort snort*
Man: Hey you
Pig: *snort*
Man: Whoa! Whoa! Shit! [Unintelligible] HOWH! Come here girl!
Pig: *grunt grunt grunt*
Man: Holy hell, fuck…I didn’t mean to do that
“Whoa! Woah! Shit The Bed Almighty!” Is my new favorite expletive
and if anyone’s wondering, the man (from Cecilia, Kentucky, USA) had emptied a broken deer feeder full of accidentally fermented corn into a field where no animals were supposed to be. the pigs broke out of their pen, got into the corn, and the one you see here seriously overindulged
they observed her overnight and got Animal Control to do a check-up on her. she’s fine
so yes, you you can enjoy the video without worrying about Drunk Pig
I know most of tumblr is thinking about the USA right now. but fuck the nz government right now too. tomorrow, the treaty principles bill, the ‘worst, most comprehensive breach of Te Tiriti in modern times’ is being introduced to parliament early, because there were activations planned country wide and the cowards decided to pull it forwards. fuck this government. a friend of mine had to go home early, crying. I’ve been in shock all day since it came out.
check on your Māori friends, e hoa mā. see what they need. see how you can help. everyday, we see and experience racism. from people around us, up to our government. community care will save us.
i hate to be that guy, but the idea that gender, sex, and sexuality are ontologically pure concepts that can be rigidly defined if we simply police our language enough (our english language, because of course) is—i cannot stress this enough—a total waste of time. you may as well spend your afternoons teaching a brick how to swim
If you see a person claiming the correct term for us is “DSD”, take a closer look at why they might be saying that! Often, this person is a not a reputable source, and does not have our best interests in mind. This is a popular talking point among intersexist & anti-trans bigots.
Vitriol comes from the Latin vitrus, meaning glassy or glass like. Vitriol, also known as sulfuric acid, has a clear glasslike appearance, and is highly corrosive.
The emotion is named for the alchemical agent, not the other way around.
Some pissed off Byzantine alchemist: “Alright dude, you know what the fuck you’re acting like right now?”
he had promised to fully deregulate and privatize food safety inspections in his second term. this is to favor massive producers and reduce their costs at the expense of public health and safety. the reason why I make immediate mention of this is because anything that can be construed as “culture war” makes the news and everyone finds out about. these things, however, happen quietly because they aren’t sensational stories for the media to profit off of clicks with. the recent numerous recalls can be tied back to these first term rollbacks, which went over so quietly and discreetly no one demanded reinstatement during the Biden admin.
The republicans have the senate but not a supermajority so as usual nothing is going to happen
Filibuster. Why does it exist? To stop things from happening. Things will continue to not happen.
Also republicans hate government. They don’t want the government to be doing things. Mitch McConnell will not bring bills to the floor. That’s what he did last time. He physically hoarded them in his office.
I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a government shutdown or two in the next couple of years. The margins are close enough that the democrats will be able to raise a stink about the budget. That could cause some problems. It seems like the republicans hold everything but not by an insane amount. Predict a lot of gridlock coming up. Even less happening than usual and the things that do happen either being not very fun or purely utilitarian required to keep stuff going level stuff
Also I will say that if your local congressperson is a Republican, still write them letters about bills you care about and tell your family and friends to do so as well. Especially if they’re a moderate. Especially if it’s an issue relevant to people in your region.
Don’t tell them in your letters or calls that you’re not a Republican. Don’t tell them what your party affiliation is. Emphasize how much you love your region and your country and gosh darn it would be so important to me if this or that didn’t happen sir. Similar rules apply if you get the opportunity to meet them in person. No matter what you’re an everyday person totally relatable to a conservative and gosh darn sir you’re just so concerned about what it’ll do to this great city of ours so what are you planning to do about it
And again, get all your family and friends to do the same if you can.
I want to say in response to a certain kind of sentiment that no I’m not asking you to “appeal to the morality of your oppressors”. I’m saying pretend to be one of them for just long enough that they’ll listen to you. Bring up something they’ll like. If you’re a person of faith, maybe bring that up. They don’t need to know which faith. If you have a traditionally blue collar job, bring that up. If you have kids, bring that up. If you’re a law student, bring that up. If you were born and raised in your district, if you or your family own a business, if you hunt for your food, if it’s relevant and a conservative would trust you more if you brought it up, bring it up. They don’t need to know you’re queer, they don’t need to know your race, they don’t need to know your political party. You can however heavily imply that you might be the sort of person who would vote for them and wouldn’t it be a shame if they pissed that kind of person off
I don’t fuck w nerds, the moment I can smell lore correction coming I’m like “Oh Neptune” and I gotta call my mom and ask her to pick me up
If I’m like “I really liked the scene where Gandalf learns the truth about the Ring in the first movie” and someone’s like “Oh you mean when he was in Minas Tirith, originally known as Minas Anor when it was first built in the Third Age?” I am pulling the nearest fire alarm
Them: Pelargir prospered further under the reign of the the Ship-kings, and Tarannon Falastur, 12th king of Gondor, built a home there, though Berúthiel, his wife, didn’t care for it
Me, sweating: D. Did you know that. That Viggo Mortensen really broke his toe. In that one scene
hey quick question, probably not important - how did you know all that stuff to put in the hypotheticals
[Throws smoke bomb down on the floor] [When the smoke clears I am still in the room with you but lying facedown, possibly dead but more likely unconscious. There is a visible dent in the nearest door.]
American health insurance is the most complex bullshit system I’ve ever seen
If I give you a considerable amount of money every single month
Then you should cover all medical expenses
Full-stop
The fact that US insurance has a bajillion conditions you need to meet (including paying money for the healthcare?!?!) before they even consider giving you money if they feel like it is baffling and defeats the whole point of insurance
I hate correcting customers who call me ma'am and miss and honey over the phone, because only about 30 percent of the time do they apologize and start calling me sir, while 70 percent of the time they double down assuming I was trans and continue misgendering me on purpose to show how little respect they have for me as a human being. “Thank you, MISS.”
I’m a cis man, for the record.
Whenever I correct someone and they keep it up, I simply refuse service. “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re completeley booked up the day you wanted. Yeah, no, we’re booked up on your backup dates too. Looks like our next opening isn’t until, hmm, mid-November. Oh, but it doesn’t have enough beds for your party. We could probably fit you in around New Years, but you’d have to change rooms every day. You might wanna try [more expensive motel] a few blocks north of us, they might have vacancies. Have a good day.”
I’ve been able to dodge what few complaints we’ve gotten so far because they all tell my boss that they just spoke to a very nasty woman, and she has no idea who they’re talking about. “You must have dialed the wrong number, because I’m the only woman here, and I didn’t talk to you.” That PISSES THEM OFF, and she doesn’t understand why they respond with “well we’ve been staying there for years, but we’re never coming back.” They think she’s protecting me, an afab trans man, and are disgusted by it, but from her perspective they’re just crazy people who are complaining about made up bullshit; it doesn’t even cross her mind that they’re talking about me. Why would it?
My boss is like 70 or 75, and was a Republican until 2016. It’s never come up in conversation, but something tells me she wouldn’t exactly be a trans ally. I’m in a weird position here, and it’s hilarious.
pro tip: if a friend is a self hate spiral telling them they’re good or loved won’t help cause they won’t believe it. talk to them about things they like or random funny stuff, distract them ya know?
this is good advice but i wanna add that if ur friend is in a doom spiral now is probably the best chance youll get to attack them while they’re guard is down 👍
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