You order a package off Amazon. When the Amazon delivery guy shows up to your door, instead of giving you the package you bought, he beats the shit out of you. Then, when he sees that you are not dead yet, he calls all of the Amazon delivery people in the area and they all proceed to beat the shit out of you. Miraculously, you survive. Another miracle: a friend in your neighborhood caught the assault on video. After a month of recovery and extensive hospital bills that you have no idea what to do with, the video has gone viral. You read the comments below. “This is what happens to people who fuck with Amazon!!!” Someone says. “I’ve never been beaten up by Amazon employees, and I’ve been using them all my life!” Someone else comments. Later, you start to see articles popping up about your story. They all mention that when you were 17, your license was revoked for reckless driving. In a Facebook post on your mom’s feed, someone is going on a rant about how not all Amazon delivery guys are bad, and that if you look really close, the “bad” ones are just stressed out. Your name is trending on Twitter. Jeff Bezos films a response to your attack, denouncing the video of you getting beaten to within an inch of your life by his employees as becoming “a symbol of hate towards Amazon.” The people who attacked you still deliver packages around your neighborhood. You saw one of them just yesterday as you were watering your plants. You still can’t pay your hospital bills. Your phone dings- Twitter again. “Maybe if you didn’t order from Amazon,” someone pipes up, “this wouldn’t have happened!”
A bird explaining to a hedgehog crossing so it doesn’t die.
!!! ok but that’s legitimately what it’s doing!! That’s a corvid right there (looks like a hooded crow, to be precise), which means it’s intelligent enough to recognize, a) cars are dangerous and streets should be treated with a certain degree of caution, b) this car’s slowing down for them–cars do that sometimes–which means they’re not in imminent danger, so it doesn’t have to fly away just yet, c) that hedgehog’s still gonna get killed if it doesn’t MOVE, FAST (cars can change speed very quickly and the hedgehog’s still in the way), and almost certainly also d) if the bird does nothing it gets a free lunch.
Y’all, Y’ALL. This bird is consciously deciding to put itself in danger in order to save the life of a very stupid creature. A creature which, if the bird did nothing, could be free food.
i can’t - look if you follow me you know I have a thing for corvids, but this is - like!!! People are always saying “ah yes they have sub-human intelligence and don’t consider anything that isn’t immediately necessary for their own survival/pleasure,” but! Whether or not it can do philosophy, this crow is clearly demonstratingcompassion. Even if it’s just the kind of compassion a toddler shows to a snail, a social creature that instinctively recognizes the potential for emotion in other beings, that’s still huge and cool and important and corvids!!! are! neat!!!
I need to contact a psychic to learn the days of the year when the veil is thick - I’m running a very sensitive experiment and don’t want any stupid ghost interfering.
my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military
I fear those 43 research center monkeys will never be captured and will cause an invasive primate problem in South Carolina.
There are 40+ monkeys lose in South Carolina rn, as of 53 minutes ago they know where they are but haven’t managed to capture them. We don’t know exactly how many monkeys have escaped or what species they are.
If you’ve committed a crime and a detective gathers everyone involved in the room, especially if he’s not actually a detective and is instead a novelist, puzzle-setter, psychic, fake psychic, dog, chess grandmaster, etc. …
YOU SHOULD NOT CONFESS.
Every year, hundreds of people are put away by non-traditional “detectives” who have either inserted themselves into the case or are working with the police in a dubiously legal capacity as advisor. In 99% of these cases, the murderer gives a full confession even though the evidence against them is circumstantial at best and often requires a long just-so story which can only guess at motive.
If this happens to you, stay quiet, do not attempt to defend yourself or talk your way out of it, only say “I want a lawyer”.
Now if you find yourself being investigated by a boy genius, magician’s assistant, anthropologist, classics scholar, or philosopher, it’s likely that refusing to talk to the police (or investigator with no legal authority) is merely the end of the second act, and by the end of the third act they will have you dead to rights.
YOU SHOULD STILL NOT CONFESS.
Make them take it to court. Force the eccentric detective and his straight-laced police partner to take the stand and explain their methods to a jury of your peers. Have your lawyer look at the chain of custody on the evidence, especially if you believe it to have been handled by someone who has only bumbled into detective work through their natural charm and/or unique set of skills and outsider perspective that come in handy more often than they should.
Know your rights. Don’t let eccentric detectives put you away.
Thank you to Arekan for letting me borrow your bunny character in panel 2! Patrons at the Yearling tier and above have the option to submit their OC’s reference art to potentially be added to the comic as background cameos, check out my Patreon if that sounds like fun!
Can we please just acknowledge the sheer absurdity the “Kuzon’s Parents” disguise scene:
Deadass Katara just stuffed her shirt with melons, did nothing else to even pretend that she was older than 14, Sokka put on what was probably an incredibly fake-looking beard and pulled the most shakespearean accent he could muster.
They just saunter on in with their son who looks literally nothing like either of them, but also almost the exact same age. The headmaster probably just thinks “Fuck it. Okay. Benefit of the doubt. I’m not particularly well-versed in the ethnicities of the colonies maybe this is just normal. Adoption maybe? Good skin care?”
And then when he asks their names, Sokka just comes out guns blazing with surnames- which is implied (but not confirmed) to be sort of nobility status. And not only is their cover story that they have surnames in the first place, but that their name is Fire. Wang Fire and Sapphire Fire.
Can you imagine just being a Canadian school principal meeting a student’s parents for the first time and you just see these rogue teenagers showing up saying “Hello yes my name is Sir Jason Toronto and this is my wife Poutine.”
the funniest dynamc between my boyfriend and i is the chef/baker divide runs so deep. experimentally my boyfriend is a genius with figuring out what flavor profiles will not just taste good together but also will be enjoyed by the specific audience he is cooking for. a recipe is not a guidebook so much as a suggestion and he will frankenstein ideas together to get exactly what he wants to happen. he also didnt know that sugar will not work properly if you dont mix it with the wet ingredients in banana bread and when i asked ‘why didnt you do it in the order of the recipe’ he said 'i didnt really think it mattered’. autistically i exploded his head in my mind
when your pumpkin loaf or banana loaf is not delightfully moist and soft and sweet like the pillow of a cherub and instead is like a dense fruitcake brick of misery we will see who is pretentious then. beast
the funniest dynamc between my boyfriend and i is the chef/baker divide runs so deep. experimentally my boyfriend is a genius with figuring out what flavor profiles will not just taste good together but also will be enjoyed by the specific audience he is cooking for. a recipe is not a guidebook so much as a suggestion and he will frankenstein ideas together to get exactly what he wants to happen. he also didnt know that sugar will not work properly if you dont mix it with the wet ingredients in banana bread and when i asked ‘why didnt you do it in the order of the recipe’ he said 'i didnt really think it mattered’. autistically i exploded his head in my mind
when your pumpkin loaf or banana loaf is not delightfully moist and soft and sweet like the pillow of a cherub and instead is like a dense fruitcake brick of misery we will see who is pretentious then. beast
Remember all those “This Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have to talk to your conservative relatives” speeches libs used to give? I think it’s time us leftists start having those conversations with our Liberal relatives because it turns out that *they’re* the conservatives that need convinced to no longer be bigots.
This is the single hardest maxim for liberals to understand. Don’t come out of the gate swinging, talking about policy or goals or material dialectics. Start with gentle philosophy. Ask them questions.
Yes, if you scratch a liberal a fascist bleeds, but during most conversations I have with liberals, they agree with me on a lot of points. Healthcare is good, abortion rights are good, immigrants shouldn’t be deported, war is bad, etc. etc. But the thing that traps them in liberalism, the mental prison that’s been constructed around them is the idea that there’s an “Ideal America”. An America where Truth and Justice and Equality prevail. A kind of Aaron Sorkin’s America. Democrats are good guys, Republicans are bad guys, and we have to work to defeat the bad guys to Make America Great Again. And it’s in that moment that the bars of the prison slam shut.
I can’t give you a script and tell you what to say, but I can tell you that a lot of Liberals are doubling down and becoming more conservative, but a lot of them are also going through a crisis of faith. Give them something to believe in.
i dont consider myself a ‘fashion guru’ by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo’ vs 'boot cut’ or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping
this also goes for aesthetic or -core titles. 'y2k tank top’ is going to get you resellers and fast fashion brands advertising to people looking to meet a current trend. 'thin strap crop tank top’ is going to get you a diverse group of results and not upcharge you to hell and back
additionally, shop second hand when you can, second hand and thrift sites typically organize clothes by the cut and color. theyll be more affordable than a depop seller curating you a style to sell you
useful terminology for different kinds of clothing shapes :)
actually the funniest thing that could happen right now would be Biden up and dying of old man disease so Kamala is a lame duck president for two months and technically the first woman president so they have to add a bunch of qualifiers like “first woman ELECTED president” when Hawk Tuah Girl wins in 2032
[image description: photo of a small black cat with large round eyes and dilated pupils. it has been edited to look like it’s holding a tiny kitchen knife in its mouth.]
[image description: photo of a small black cat with large round eyes and dilated pupils. it has been edited to look like it’s holding a tiny kitchen knife in its mouth.]
hey everyone! back up your works on ao3, because project 2025 is probably going into effect. porn will be illegal.
BACK IT UP OFFLINE. the cloud will not save you here.
also, make sure you’re current on your vaccines. and that all your ID and documents are up to date. Renew that passport.
because the fda, cdc, and state department are about to go to hell, too.
how are we even in this position again? insanity. pure insanity. but protect yourself, and be ready to protect your vulnerable loved ones. shit is about to get real bad.
ALT
