one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.
no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.
no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.
This post has helped me so much I’m glad I’ve come across it again
It has honestly saved some of my relationships and it could have saved others if I had taken it to heart earlier
It’s how I approach all new relationships, and I’ll state this outright to be clear
I can’t stop myself from overanalyzing initially, but I have regularly stopped myself from obsessing over or acting on my overanalyzing
man people get really defensive when you suggest using chatgpt for everything is atrophying their brain
no i don’t think mundane busywork is some sacred thing we must do. but i also just… don’t trust AI as much as my own judgment for certain things. AI can’t give me anything that i actually care about
hey btw. being platonically in love is so real btw. having a silly text convo with your friend and thinking “I love you” with every message. studying together in silence and feeling the most comfortable you’ve been in years. having a huge cheesy grin on your face after you spend time together, or even just text for a bit. your worries becoming a little easier to bear when they hug you. worrying about them, wishing you could magically give them all the happiness in the world.
being platonically in love is one of my favourite feelings in the world, and you know what? I’m so grateful that being aspec let me experience this in full. I fucking love being on the aromantic spectrum <3
idk if this is a weird thing to get caught up on but one of my favourite parts of Portal 2 was how the logos in the loading screens changed as you progressed through the game and the old areas of the facility.
it was a pretty cool way to establish a timeline as well as a general tone i guess? idk i’m just saying this cause i’m a logo design nerd but I love that they did this
“Look at this video of a child disappointed at their expensive gift! Children are so spoiled these days!”
That’s cool. So, why did their parents upload their small child being upset online? In a public video, shared to the entire video? Why did they even save the recording?
Like. The kid in that scenario could be saying the most entitled nonsense in the world, and if their parents post it online to be publicly shamed, I’d still support the kid 100%. Thinking your child’s life is a toy to exploit freely for #content is “spoiled”; when faced with mommy vlogers, kids should be demanding three PS5s and a new Bugatti, and we should be applauding them for it
This also tends to attract a lot of responses from grown adults eager to fantasize about how they’d “punish” the kid, and. If your power fantasies involve you owning an eight year old (in the metaphorical sense not the Sixpenceee sense) I don’t even know what to say
Also there are a lot of expensive gifts that are really thoughtless. If an 8 year old wants a Lego set and you buy them a model train set and they get pissed about it, you’re the problem.
I don’t care that the thing was expensive, if you didn’t ask or ignored what they wanted, that’s on the parents
A lot of people seem to not realize (or care) why kids want specific things, and also that kids don’t get what money is. They haven’t had it beaten into them yet that they’re supposed to like expensive things more than less expensive things. What they find enjoyable may have nothing to do with how expensive it is, and that fries the brain of well-off parents who care about things primarily as status symbols. The notion that someone could be happier with something that cost $20 than something that cost $2,000 infuriates them on a deep subconscious level
It’s also limited by parent’s lack of knowledge about tech, so they can’t understand why someone who wanted a Switch would be upset if they get a PS5. It’s more expensive, so clearly it’s just the same thing but better in their mind. They don’t know or care that their kid really wanted to play Mario and that they can’t do that on the PS5, so they process it as ungratefulness
Kids also don’t have a huge amount of experience in anything, and it’s a parent’s job to teach them. This sounds incredibly obvious, doesn’t it?
Before a family Christmas celebration, when all five of us happened to be lounging around together, I announced we were playing PRESENT PRACTICE. I wrapped a toy frying pan in a muslin cloth and handed it to a child, who unwrapped it and mimed amazement. The older children and their father were all awarded points for their simulated appreciation and the baby got points just for learning to unwrap something. On the second pass we all leveled up to making a grateful comment in reaction to the particular gift, such as “this will go in my collection of frying pans” and “now I can cook one very small egg.”
For the six year old, I very seriously presented the important and tricky case study of unwrapping a large exciting box to find a single pair of socks. The child suggested a reaction of “this is great, how surprising! But,” their face changing to seriousness and the tone of giving the giftee useful feedback for the future, “I’m not very interested in socks.” They explained the utility of passing on this feedback. So, this being present practice, I received this reaction with the grace and thoughtful attention of an award-winning director, and we discussed how we would leave that part out for our more sensitive audiences.
The children also traditionally give small cheap or handmade presents to their family members. Each parent takes each child secretly in hand to prepare a present for the other parent. The six-year-old also has access to the PTA school shop, where the PTA purchase small shitty items (scented candles, bars of soap, cheap socks) and sell them to the schoolkids for £1.50 each, and wrap them on the spot. The 6-year-old carefully squeezes the value from the £10 we give them for this purpose, and squirrels away their mysterious bag of wrapped gifts like it’s a state secret. The three year old is given “pocket money,” and taken shopping. There is now emotional investment in giving; we whisper together quietly about how much people will like the gift. The three year old frequently whispers hotly into my ear about the item they chose for their grandmother (a tissue cover, lmao). The children, therefore, watch adults carefully when their own offerings are unwrapped and admired. When they see us reacting with amazement and gratitude to their gifts, it maps that pathway and lights it up. It also teaches pretty early on that giving is actually supposed to be rewarding, and is a more reliable source of cheer - as you can always control the feeling giving, while getting is tiresomely at the whim of an external giver, isn’t it? And it reinforces that a certain degree of social performance is expected.
Present Practice is a fun game to play so the kids do it to each other. It’s a funny trick to play on a parent, too. You can hand a parent something hilarious, like a potato wrapped in toilet paper, and see them try to do a Level 3 reception on it (“this will be my favorite ever potato,” I say mistily, “how did you guess what was in my heart?”)
For high-pressure present-opening situations, you can just sit back and watch, really. Even when I had to let them open USA-grandparent Christmas presents over Zoom AT the house of the British Grandparents. The children spontaneously decided to receive presents in the guise of angels. I was giving the kids wild thumbsups from behind the camera as they warmly enthused over the sentiments in the cards before even looking at the gift.
Does it sound artificial? Well, they have fun, and they’re kind, and they love giving and receiving. They’re nice and well behaved - and people love to give them presents. It’s all social performance! and you’re expecting super high-level software to run on Kid Hardware, which is like trying to program Plant Pathology 101 onto a border collie! Kind of an unfair expectation on the framework, mate!
I’d suggest the first port of call is literally - teaching kids how to get presents.
Aww it looks like present practice trotted around the world getting notes when I wasn’t looking! That’s so nice guys
Tumblr needs a feature that will let me sort through posts from before a certain date.
Like yes, this is my special interest. I’ve seen the top few thousand posts with this tag sorted by both “latest” and “top”. I don’t need the stuff recently posted or trending.
Due to inflation or whatever, the number of genders has decreased to only half a gender. And no I’m not sharing it with the rest of you, I don’t even have a whole gender to call my own.
“The medieval warrior, realizing the consequences of his impulsive act, immediately approached the owner of the drone and offered to pay for the damage.
The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.
Drone owners have another year to develop a unique “dragon-like” design for their flying machines.” (x)
I am 100% cooler with this knowing that the spear-thrower realized “oops maybe I shouldn’t have done that” and tried to make it right, and that the guy who the drone belonged to was cool with it
just so everyone knows, this has already been memorialized in a runestone
Everything about this post blesses those involved with a +4 on their next Today is Good Day roll
I crack up every time at seeing that runestone.
Thats literally how mythology happens btw
Thats literally
how mythology happens
btw
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Enough with the fucking “what if humans can eat alien poison and it’s just spicy to em hurr hurr hurr ” crap! That shit’s Trite and Cliche! It’s American exceptionalism but for species! It’s 2024, for fuck’s sake! What if humans can’t eat alien junk food? What if humans can’t eat alien delicacies? What if anything they try is so incompatible with their chemical makeup it ranges from the insipid to the deadly? What if some substance that to them is innocuous or even vital is a human instakiller? What if sipping alien lemonade has a 99% death rate? What if human-alien cultural exchanges are always incomplete because they literally can’t eat each other’s food?
The sodium chlorate I drizzled on my fish and chips might burn Schlorp and the prion proteins in her starberry slushy might give me scrapie. Schlorp will never know fish and chips and I will never know starberry slushy. Isn’t this a tragedy. Isn’t this something we should fight God about.
What if aliens have art expressed through a medium that humans are fundamentally incapable of experiencing. At least without technology. What if they see in a different range of light and have paintings we can’t ever fully experience. What if they have supersonic or subsonic hearing and their music just kinda hurts to hear or is completely inaudible. What if, like many animals in our world, they just don’t have the specialized brain bits to read things like rhythm or pitch and are unable to ever experience ANY of our music fully. What if they experience olfaction in a different way and have arranged “"scent”“ artworks that provide a deep and nuanced artistic experience that we can’t discern fully due to our weak ass little bitch noses. What if they’re electro sensitive like some sea mammals and they have symphonies of shocks and sparks that we could never see the way they see it.
This isn’t my art, (it’s made by @ TheHearthFox over on Twitter) but I wanted to make a long post about why this work in particular speaks to me so goddamn much. I think such a massive part of the queer experience – and also the furry experience – is about the abstract. This can be seen in so many different aspects of furry “culture,” from the concept of fursonas to kink and and other fetish content. You and I will never know what it’s like to be a werewolf and transform under the full moon into the form of a big hulking furry beast. However, us furries create art and other works about the idea of it anyway. We never will be able to be our fursonas – our often idealized and “perfect” versions of ourselves – and part of that really hurts. It hurts so bad honestly, to the point where I can’t quite put it into words. In terms of queer culture, I will never know what it is like to be a cis woman, and that also messes with me a lot. Yet, I’m still trans, my identity can change, I can perceive myself as whatever I damn well please. Identity allows you to shape yourself and the world around you in your own image, even if not everyone can see its beauty.
We have ways to get at least somewhat close to how we feel in our abstraction. VRChat allows you to make an avatar of what ever you want, whether it’s your fursona or just an ideal version of you. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be you, it could be anyone or anything really. We have a whole industry based around creating big ass costumes that allow people to at least look something like their desired character. But it’s not enough. It’s never enough. I ain’t religious, but sometimes I feel like I’ve bitten the apple, been kicked out of the garden, and now I’m left to fend for myself with an identity that my physicality will never match. When I made my fursona using an avatar base in vrchat and configured it to match my real world body scales and looked down, I honestly started crying. I take the headset off, and I’m still me. Everyone takes the headset or fursuit off and they’re still the body they were given, not what they would choose. Our reality is objective, and there’s no way to really change that. We can act like animal people online all day, but the moment that screen shuts off, the moment we walk away, that warm, fuzzy feeling (hehe) fades.
To think abstract is to think beyond what you can normally sense. You will never get to brush the knots out of your fur in the morning, or play with your antennae while anxious (I see you bug people). We can still have those ideas, however. I know I’m on the third goddamn paragraph and I’m just now talking about the artwork I linked but this is an important concept to me. Usually, when I think of the abstract, it feels unreal, “fuzzy” so to speak. However, in HearthFox’s piece, the objective reality appears out of focus and pixelated. It feels like even if we are unable to fully embrace the abstract, we can still embrace what we can of it, and bring some sort of color to a world that doesn’t feel like it is made for us. The colors being outside of the lines could suggest that our abstract perception is maybe just “painted on” to the world around us, but is that a bad thing? Is it bad to take things in from the world around you, but still look at it all in your own unique way? I think not. This also isn’t only about therian identity, or furry identity, or even queer identity – it’s also about neurodivergence. You are never in the wrong for thinking about the world in a way that is viewed as “non-standard” by the rest of the world. If you see yourself as a wolf, bee, fox, bear, raccoon, a fucking plane, it’s not a bad thing. We can still identify however we want, and this modern way of looking at identity is the best way for us to embrace the abstract.
Go wild, go fucking stupid. Love yourself, if you’re a fox, be a fox, there are ways you can feel that way, even if it’s not all of the time. We can fight, we can love, we can still find ways to elation, even if sometimes existence itself feels wrong to you. This work is but one side of abstract thinking. Look at the color the fox has compared to the objective. Look how the fur drapes, how it runs down the body, or how the snout expresses emotion. Sometimes it feels melancholic, but you cannot tell me that trying your absolute damnedest to live your identity doesn’t at least bring some color to your otherwise dreary and unfocused world.
Stay safe, love yourself no matter what.
Yes, this is TF.
…It really hurts, man. That abstract self not fitting into the objective reality, none of it being real or possible in the physical world we live in, nor will it ever be.
But there really is so much joy in exploring it, expressing it, creating it in art, thinking abstract despite the objective. It won’t ever be real in a way I can touch, or feel, or breathe, but I still don’t think I’ll ever be able to give it up. It might not be real in a way that matters to many others, but it’s still me.
