everytime someone rbs this i get a notification as though it were my post, even the rbs that don’t have my addition. go away onion post i am not your mother
Abandoned by its biological mother, the onion post instead imprints on a random passerby that fed it.
i was waiting on the pizza delivery guy to call me to say my pizza is here and when my phone rang i accidentally answered with “Pizza?” instead of hello and he replied “yes this is pizza”
…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?
you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse
some friends of mine have the most un-cat-ish cat i have ever met
my quintessential example of this:
i was holding him in my arms petting him while we were picking out what games to play that night. when we’d decided on a few, i needed to put the cat down in order to, you know, carry boxes. so i started letting him down, expecting that he’d eventually do the cat hop thing… but he never did.
i ended up lowering him all the way to the floor. and even then he never got his feet under him. i just sort of… plopped him down on his side as he stared up at me like a betrayed sack of flour.
I saw this so clearly in my mind and I’m never going to stop laughing at betrayed sack of flour.
Miette’s long lost brother, the betrayed sack of flour
You DROP Morceau? You discard his body like the sack of flour? oh! oh! jail for friend! jail for friend for One Thousand Years!!!
this reminded us of how we somehow (due to context) convinced ourselves that mlem was just french for blep
and why did this remind is of that? because we’re autistic and the french for wheat is blé
…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?
you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse
some friends of mine have the most un-cat-ish cat i have ever met
my quintessential example of this:
i was holding him in my arms petting him while we were picking out what games to play that night. when we’d decided on a few, i needed to put the cat down in order to, you know, carry boxes. so i started letting him down, expecting that he’d eventually do the cat hop thing… but he never did.
i ended up lowering him all the way to the floor. and even then he never got his feet under him. i just sort of… plopped him down on his side as he stared up at me like a betrayed sack of flour.
I saw this so clearly in my mind and I’m never going to stop laughing at betrayed sack of flour.
Miette’s long lost brother, the betrayed sack of flour
You DROP Morceau? You discard his body like the sack of flour? oh! oh! jail for friend! jail for friend for One Thousand Years!!!
this reminded us of how we somehow (due to context) convinced ourselves that mlem was just french for blep
and why did this remind is of that? because we’re autistic and the french for wheat is blé
Flowers blooming, breath so faint and weak. Little hooves touched along mine, dreaming silently of lands of colored grasses and towering trees. Such little thing, so close to me. A comfort I wish to hold close, but know the flame is fleeting. I suppose until the fire dies, I can enjoy its warmth until I am forced to wake.
I see some people in the notes thinking that this is the Death card, but it’s not. It’s much funnier. It’s the Five of Cups, upright, which symbolizes like. Loss. Disappointment. Emotional Suffering. You thought you were going to get something and then you didn’t. Even more hilarious than Fox News bringing in a tarot card reader for Trump in 2024 is that same tarot reader immediately flipping over a card that says LOSER.
Yesterday I had been feeling so horribly depressed furious and irritable all day that I saw no possible relief for the bottomless pit of existential agony within me. Then I went into the kitchen, poured all that remained of a one pound box of pasta into a pot (over half, around five servings) cooked it, dumped mozzarella cheese over it, and sitting at my desk ate nearly all of it in the span of 15 minutes, finishing what was left a short half-hour later. I felt almost immediately restored and so sleepy that I dozed off at 9:45 pm before getting up around 10:30 to brush my teeth
I think potentially there is something to be understood from this
New York police officer fires his .38 service revolver at almost point-blank range into a piece of bulletproof glass, with a very brave test subject behind it, 1931.
What experimental value does a whole living guy add to this
Cops don’t shoot their guns if there’s no potential for civilian harm. It’s a motivator.
there were a group of girls from spain in the shop and they were all dressed really nice and i was ringing up the only one who spoke english and said “all of your outfits are so cute :)” and she got all blushy and giggly and said thank you and all the girls were looking at her waiting to know what i said so she translated it and immediately all of their faces turned red and they got all giggly and smiley and she was trying to rapid fire translate all of their different thank yous and comments about their outfits
I like my prose to sound good when you read it out loud which leads to people giving me feedback being like “why did you use this word so many times it’s redundant” like have you tried reading it out loud though it sounds pretty cool
Sometimes I need to hear that I’ve been repeating myself too much but sometimes people seem to want me to just tell them who the murderer is like no why are you reading literary fiction if you just want things in simple sentences I’ll start describing the Paris sewer system in detail just to spite you if you keep doing that
I was so excited to see a copy of this in real life bc it’s something I studied in art history. this is a book that was typeset and printed by hand using wooden blocks but every one of the characters was invented for the sake of the piece and does not correspond to any word in the Chinese language
yes. he invented and hand carved 4000 characters. it is a CRAZY project that resulted in an intentionally unreadable book. I love it
if you grow mushrooms over a toxic waste site, chemical spill, or other polluted growing medium, they will suck up the toxins into their fruiting bodies with such effectiveness that they are being studied for their ability to clean up tainted industrial sites. it’s called mycoremediation.
if you do this with edible mushrooms, they are no longer technically edible, but on the other hand they make a great way to poison your enemies. this is called murder and it’s usually frowned upon, but they won’t see it coming and you get bragging rights afterwards about your ability to kill people with a pizza topping.
Sorry this was not precisely most people’s idea of “nice.” Let me add that you are a glow of comforting absurdity in an ever-more-fucked-up world.
I love everything about mycoremediation, but also
Slightly on the topic of removing toxic waste:
A hairdresser noticed that with oil spills, one of the biggest issues was the impact on wildlife because oil loves clinging to fur and feathers.
They used felting methods to create like a mat of hair & used it on a small scale test & it worked really well, the hair mainly stayed on top of the water like the oil & absorbed it like a sponge while leaving creatures & plants alone.
NASA is now working on large scale uses with the help of donated clippings from hair dressers and pet groomers.
And the hair can then be composted with the help of mushrooms.
im really in a bad place i hope the sun doesnt start setting crazy early at like 4pm. i said i hope the sun doesnt set early at like 4pm that would be bad for me
This rat doesn’t know anything, but it knows that sometimes snacks fall into its cage, and sometimes the floor shocks its feet. It likes the snacks, and it hates the shocks. It will tell you to do things that produce snacks, and it will tell you not to do things that produce shocks.
This little rat is not the only power inside your head, and it might not be the strongest, but it’s there and it has influence.
So pay attention to how you’re treating the little rat.
If every time you learn something new, you say to yourself “ugh, I’m so ignorant for not already knowing this,” you’re shocking the rat. You’re teaching it to be afraid of learning new things, to associate it with embarrassment and self-criticism.
Remember to feed the rat instead. Tell it “now I know, and that is good,” and let it eat its snack in peace.
If every time you take care of yourself and your home, you say to yourself “ugh, I never do this enough, and I’ll never get it right,” you’re shocking the rat. You’re teaching the rat that it was safer when you didn’t try to take care of things.
Feed the rat instead. Praise what you have done, forgive what you haven’t, so the rat can feel safe.
When the rat takes a step in the right direction, even if the step is too small or slow or not in quite the right direction, feed it. Don’t shock it for being imperfect; it’ll only learn not to take any steps at all. Feed it, and let it get bolder, and take bigger steps, and give it bigger rewards for those bigger steps.
Somebody has learned I was keeping the paper towels on top of the fridge and then taught herself to jump on top of my cabinets so my paper towels are no longer safe
imagine if people still took last names from their trade like fisher, smith and fletcher. imagine some guy introducing himself to you as jonathan podcaster
He put them together at the kids table that doesn’t exist I’m fucking crying
its easy to make fun of this (and i think we should) but its also important to note the description of this new department that trump has given
[transcript: “together, these two wonderful americans will pave the way for my administration to dismantle government bureaucracy, slash excess regulations, cut wasteful expenditures, and restructure federal agencies - essential to the ‘save america’ movement,” trump wrote. “i look forward to elon and vivek making changes to the federal bureaucracy with an eye on efficiency and, at the same time, making life better for all americans.”]
to be clear: trump is planning to create a new department whose purpose is literally to deregulate and defund government oversight. this will lead to corporations having greater freedom to fuck over consumers while making more money, and he is putting two billionaires in charge of it.
sure, maybe this is just a ploy to keep them quiet. giving them the illusion of power in exchange for backing him. but lets not forget all the regulations trump cut during his last term
which has directly led to the constant recalls of consumer goods and foodstuffs over the past several years. the recent e coli outbreak at mcdonalds? the boars head listeria recall? these are the products of deregulation. getting rid of laws and standards that protect consumers by making sure money hungry corporations dont cut corners.
the funny name is a smokescreen. keep your eye on these fuckers.
It’s annoying but the way you improve yourself is one tiny thing at a time
You can’t realistically stop all of your bad habits at once. So like. Pick one. Pick one thing in your life to work on. Eating slightly more vegetables or being slightly nicer to your coworkers or reducing the amount you drink. Something. And once that’s easy try something else.
[ID: Four panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.
Panel 1: A person wearing an indigo hat and a person with a green body, pink jacket and half red, half blue pointy anime glasses are talking.
Anime Glasses: “See, what you have to learn eventually, which I’m teaching you now, is you can’t rely on external validation.
People are going to ask you to compromise your existence with their worldviews, and you’re going to tell them no.
That’ll be coming both from grayscales and other chromatics, by the way.
Indigo: Huh.
Panel 2: A violet person with a rectangular build enters from the side.
Violet: "Hang on, weren’t you pink before?”
Anime Glasses: “Visually, sure.”
Violet: “And now you’re green?”
Anime Glasses: “Yeah. Got bored. Changed it up.”
Violet: “You can’t just do that.”
Anime Glasses: “Nah. You can’t. Skill issue.”
Panel 3: A grayscale person enters to back up Violet.
Grayscale: “See, this is what we’ve been saying all along. Where is the limit? When will the madness end??”
Violet: “Wait don’t back me up on this-”
Grayscale, interupting: “You’ll be pressuring them into turning themselves blue! You’re making this serious decision seem trivial, but it’s not! Who’s going to tell them to wait and think things through?”
Anime glasses, quietly towards indigo: “Here’s your chance. Tell them.”
Panel 4: Zoom in on Indigo, with anime glasses in the background tilting their glasses up so the light glares off them.
Indigo: “Indigo. Not fucking blue.
Everyone’s been telling me to wait with this shit for twenty fucking years.
How about mind your own business and don’t interrupt the first person who’s actually fucking helping me.”
No offense but I think some of you would be a lot happier writing a fictional atlas or encyclopedia instead of a narrative story
Concur! Go forth and write your Dragonology and your Guidebook to Fairyland! Write a traveler’s diary of a setting! These are fun and legitimate things to do!
there are no hard rules for human interaction but honestly i think everyone online would benefit hugely from operating under the assumption that, unless you have been given a specific reason to think otherwise in discrete instances, internet strangers do not want to be approached with:
your trauma, illnesses, or deep-rooted self worth issues
any come-ons or sexual content
over-familiar playful rudeness
information about your dnd characters/ocs
disagreements with their harmless subjective opinions
if it is your first time speaking with someone i can not highly enough recommend that these do not be your opening topics
something that has happened enough that it’s officially a Pattern of internet behavior: i will make a tweet that’s like, a jokey headcanon about a piece of media, and then someone i’ve never spoken to before in my life will come into the replies to try and offer a directly contradictory and actively depressing take. and either within their initial reply, or once i’ve expressed polite disagreement, they’ll make sure i know that the reason they have this headcanon is because they’re projecting their own trauma or self worth issues onto a fictional character.
and the thing that really gets me about this is that i am like 90% sure these people don’t have any ill intentions or even think they’re particularly overstepping. but i just can not fathom what the intended response to these things. i have NO idea what sort of reaction they’re looking for. it’s such a weird and uncomfortable spot to be put in. it’s a great way to get instantly put on my mental list of people to never engage with in the future
We’ve all heard the “I like pancakes” / “Oh, so you hate waffles?” example of a social media exchange, but we don’t talk enough about how “I like pancakes” / “I can’t eat pancakes anymore since my brother choked to death on one before my eyes” is not a great approach either.
Parasocial relationships don’t just happen to celebrities. Tumblr has such a conversational nature and unique sense of identity that I really think people forget that we’re not all just automatically friends, or at least in the same social circle. From there it’s the shortest of leaps to oversharing.
generational difference between people who learnt the word kin on tiktok and think it is a fun way of saying u identify somewhat with a character VS people who learnt the word kin on tumblr where people would threaten each other about kin lists because they genuinely believed they were a manifested reincarnation of karkat homestuck
genuinely people would have tiered lists of kins, from it’s okay to follow me if you kin this, to never interact w me if any of your mutuals are kin w this because this is literally me
people were kinblocking like it was the beaches of fucking normandy
[ID: Three panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.
Panel 1: A lime green person is talking to an olive green person, and a person with a book on their head is off on the side.
Lime: “Yeah I mean season four was good but I feel like they’re taking a dive now, the writing’s been pretty iffy and-”
The Most Illiterate Person Alive: “I am the most illiterate person alive!”
Lime: “…Okay, good for you. As I was saying the character arcs-”
The Most Illiterate Person Alive: “Holy shit how could you torture forest creatures for your own pleasure like that?”
Panel 2: Olive and Lime both turn to face The Most Illiterate Person Alive.
Lime: “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Olive: “They weren’t even talking about forest creatures!”
The Most Illiterate Person Alive: “You admitted to torturing forest creatures! I heard you!”
Lime: “No, I think you’re pretty far from a reasonable interpretation of anything I said just now.”
Panel 3: Zoom out to a larger crowd as The Most Illiterate Person Alive shouts with their hands in the air, Lime and Olive watching in frustration as the crowd responds.
The Most Illiterate Person Alive: “Hey! These two greenies said they like torturing forest creatures!”
Crowd: “How horrible!
Holy shit!
I believe you uncritically, Most Illiterate Person Alive!
Biological sex is not and has never been a binary. The complexity of the natural world cannot be contained in neat little societal boxes. Stop using science to justify your bigotry.
ALT
