i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.
i wrote this 7 years ago, somehow. every day someone else finds it and whispers to me - oh, i understand this. something always turns in the wash of my stomach: i am so, so glad you feel seen. i wish you had no idea what this post was about.
i wrote this while working in a program for new writers. on wednesdays, two of the teachers would be contractually obligated to read our writing aloud to the group of 300+ teens. i had never read my work in public before. i had something like 6k poems and was panicking about it. none of them are good enough. sometimes the train is howling. it is hard, actually, sometimes, even as an adult.
and then i thought - what is one thing i wish i could tell all of them. each of these 300 kids. what did i need to hear, at 16?
i wanted to tell them about the day you wake up, and the sun feels warm finally. i wanted to tell them about carving a life out of soapstone, your hands turning bloody. i wanted to tell them that sometimes yes - it actually does feel easy. i wanted to tell them about weddings and cookie dough and long road trips. about albums of new music and old friends laughing and the sound of snow falling.
you will learn the pattern of the train. you will learn to close your eyes when you hear the engine rumbling. you will learn to let yourself have the grey days in their lily-soft numbness. sometimes it will feel like life is wet paint, and god has smeared your canvas across a sewer grate. sometimes it will be so boring it isn’t even pronounceable - the tenacious, soundless blankness. survival isn’t just ugly nights and wild mornings. it is also the steady, unimportant moments. it is just driving with your seatbelt on. it is calling a friend on the way home. it is burying your face into the fur of your dog.
when i had finished reading this poem aloud, the auditorium was silent for a solid minute. someone stood up to take a picture of where it had been projected onto a screen, and then three more people followed the action, and then - like a bad internet story, people remembered they were supposed to be clapping. kids came up to me after it - thank you for writing that. i think i hear a train coming.
i would write this differently now, i think, but it has been 7 years. i still live by the tracks. i also haven’t picked up a blade in over 10 years. the scars are still there, but these days i only pick up scissors to cut my hair. i know why you can’t tell your mom about it. i know how the numbness slips over everything, a restless horrible cotton. i know how when you dropped the dish, you weren’t crying about the broken glass. i know about feeling like all the roads have closed their exits, that you aren’t supposed to still-be-here - and yet.
i am still here, and still yours, and i haven’t forgotten. what i’m saying is if any hope is calling to you - i know it’s hard, but you have to listen. i’m saying keep driving, but slow down the car. sit down in the shower, i’m not judging you. we can stay in the dark with the good hot water and do nothing but stare. notice the stab wound. make it through another tuesday.
i know what it is like to miss yourself. do what you need to. come home to me. i am writing to you, my past self, from the future. i’ll be waiting for you.
had the wildest interaction today some random woman called me a slag and my dog a fucking faggot because I was using a pink lead/harness and he’s a boy like what the fuck lmfaoo
he did start wagging his tail when he got called a fag so good for him <3
imagine seeing this and being like oh my god oh my god i need to say a slur right now
I just want to say that I am incredibly VERY curious on how Leshy and Theon could even kiss. Because one is a yellow cat, and the other is a walking bush with teeth that look sharp enough to bite through sheet metal.
I think Leshy got a crush on Theon when he gave him a flower and welcomed him to the cult, but since he was still new to mortality and stuff he didnt realized thats what it was, wanting his company by ordering him around. After Theon tells him about his past Leshy stops being demanding and instead is trying to make it up to him (without telling him thats what hes doing of course).
Until then Theon was just trying to help him feel welcome in the camp, after he starts being nice to him Theon begins to fall for him too, spending more time together and getting to know each other a bit more.
For Leshy he probably likes how confident he is.
Theon thinks Leshy’s behavior and reactions are cute.
Nolen is the one in charge of wrapping and carrying corpses to the morgue to avoid sickness spreading to the other followers. She watches over them and waits for the Lamb to gather the bones for the rituals, if not she just buries them as they are.
When not on the job she eats mushrooms, helps clean the camp or looks for Narinder if hes not following the Lamb around
Always be aware of DARVO (Deny attacker reverse victim and offender.)
Abusers will make you feel like you are the abuser and make you question your sanity, and always deflect any form of criticism and deny it’s happening. It is a technique people use to never take any accountability, and deny their victim’s efforts to take it and work on their flaws, to make them dependent on the abuser’s validation to make the victim feel secure in their feelings. If someone is making you feel like you can never do right and you are always wrong and all your efforts get dismissed/something that happened long ago where you clearly were an asshole gets brought up out of nowhere, just to trigger you and make you upset. You should probably leave that relationship.
at least dad taught me one thing well, he taught me how to spot a manipulative abuser and to never fucking talk to people like him.
thanks dad, for using all of these on me for twenty fucking years
discussed with my parents the idea of “rent lowering gunshots” in regards to social media, ie doing some shit that the general public might have some disagreement or bewilderment with so folks don’t put you in a box/think you are a brand. my mom really liked this idea and asked for some examples and i didnt have the heart to tell her that my version of this is once a month talking about wanting to fuck beloved childrens book icon Geronimo Stilton
1924: Hitler is convicted for an attempted coup of the government known as the Beer Hall Putsch. He would go on to ascend to power some 9 years later, using the government to convict his political opponents, ban gay and trans people, and conduct a genocide on the Jewish people as he had said that he would.
2024: Donald Trump is convicted of multiple felonies, and is tried in more, including one for his attempted coup of the government on January 6th. He openly states that he intends to pardon himself and his cronies, ban trans people, restrict women’s right to choose, use the federal government to convict his political opponents, and help Israel “finish the job” in conducting a genocide in Gaza.
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Do not placate yourself: the man has already told us what he intends to do.
Concept: if you want to know what diagnosis and treatment is like and what to expect, listen to people who’ve sought and received a professional diagnosis - not self diagnosed people, doctor shoppers and those preaching validity culture.
I like how the tumblr app has an undo option immediately after you post or reblog something, but the desktop site just has a “view this” arrow. Represents a sort of divide between half-braindeadly scrolling on tumblr in boredom, and being able to undo an accidental reblog, versus sitting down to have a civilized tumblr session on The Computer and carefully considering the humorous additions to your lovely blog
one-sided platonic feelings always hit me so hard. like. i want you to love me like a son, but to you i’m not much more than a servant. i swore our oath of brotherhood out of real devotion, and you swore it out of convenience. i want to go to the ends of the earth and the depths of hell for you and follow you until the end of time, and in your mind that’s no more than what i owe you
But also the whole “I am devoted to you unto death and you would throw me out with the ashes from the fireplace if given a chance” being proven wrong and the not-devoted-person goes on quests and nearly dies and kills people to save their platonic love proving he actually is really devoted only to go back to behaving like they’d sell you to Satan for a corn chip is just. Poetic cinema.
The number of people in the notes of this being like “lol i’m the motorist” with 0 sense of shame or self awareness is crazy. You should all get your licenses taken away
my favorite side effect warning is for antidepressants
pros: you won’t want to kill yourself
cons: you might want to kill yourself
Back when I was in a psychiatric hospital, and was offered antidepressants, my mother had declined them due to that apparent side effect. So the staff actually explained about this effect antidepressants have, that give reason to that warning. When first taking antidepressants they raise up your energy first. So that you have the energy to do the tasks you might have avoided doing due to your depression. Because of this those who were already suicidal, now have the energy to go do so. Which is the ones this warning is given for. It’s not that a side effect of antidepressants magically makes you want to kill yourself, it’s the energy it gives those who were already struggling with suicidal issues, to actually attempt the act.
Very informative…
Wow. I’m so glad you explained that. Now I understand
My high school choir/psych teacher actually told is about this. She also said if you have a suicidal friend who starts seeming like they might be getting better because they have more energy, that’s the time to be cautious because that’s when they may still be suicidal but they’ll actually have the energy to go through with it
THIS. a thousand times THIS. I had it explained to me in my AP psychology class in high school. super fucking important.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT and I wish my doctors had explained it to me this well when I first started taking them.
JUST GONNA REBLOG THIS AGAIN TO ADD that my younger sister in law recently started on anti-depressants among other medications in juncture with therapy to help handle an extreme case of OCD and anxiety, and I was the one who had to explain this to her. Her doctor only explained the risks, and not WHY they would actually be considered risks, which put her off of taking medication for most of her life. I explained it, and she understood, and THAT is why she is now on medication that is significantly improving her life. DOCTORS NEED TO TELL US THIS SHIT.
Best description of why ‘increased risk of suicide’ is included in the warning for anti-depressants I’ve ever read.
Signal boost this to save a life.
They can also cause acute drug-induced mania in bipolar folks (any type), and mania is the riskiest time for suicide attempts in bipolar folks (in particular with mixed episodes). This is also because mania gives someone energy, as well as can include other symptoms that increase suicidal thoughts and self harm behaviors. Even if you have no family history of bipolar it’s important to see how they can affect you, and to understand the symptoms of mania (which can mimic a lot of symptoms of anxiety disorders).
Illiteracy is becoming rampant. Reminds me of the fact that a lot of children aren’t taught how to sound out letters and are instead taught whole words from the beginning. They memorize it like it’s a hieroglyphic instead of learning how to actually read and then picking up more advanced tricks on top of that foundational skill.
“It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. Of course the great wastage is in the verbs and adjectives, but there are hundreds of nouns that can be got rid of as well. It isn’t only the synonyms; there are also the antonyms. After all, what justification is there for a word which is simply the opposite of some other words? A word contains its opposite in itself. Take ‘good,’ for instance. If you have a word like 'good,’ what need is there for a word like 'bad’? 'Ungood’ will do just as well–better, because it’s an exact opposite, which the other is not. Or again, if you want a stronger version of 'good,’ what sense is there in having a whole string of vague useless words like 'excellent’ and 'splendid’ and all the rest of them? 'Plusgood’ covers the meaning, or 'doubleplusgood’ if you want something stronger still…In the end the whole notion of goodness and badness will be covered by only six words–in reality, only one word. Don’t you see the beauty of that, Winston?”
Illiteracy is becoming rampant. Reminds me of the fact that a lot of children aren’t taught how to sound out letters and are instead taught whole words from the beginning. They memorize it like it’s a hieroglyphic instead of learning how to actually read and then picking up more advanced tricks on top of that foundational skill.
“It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. Of course the great wastage is in the verbs and adjectives, but there are hundreds of nouns that can be got rid of as well. It isn’t only the synonyms; there are also the antonyms. After all, what justification is there for a word which is simply the opposite of some other words? A word contains its opposite in itself. Take ‘good,’ for instance. If you have a word like 'good,’ what need is there for a word like 'bad’? 'Ungood’ will do just as well–better, because it’s an exact opposite, which the other is not. Or again, if you want a stronger version of 'good,’ what sense is there in having a whole string of vague useless words like 'excellent’ and 'splendid’ and all the rest of them? 'Plusgood’ covers the meaning, or 'doubleplusgood’ if you want something stronger still…In the end the whole notion of goodness and badness will be covered by only six words–in reality, only one word. Don’t you see the beauty of that, Winston?”
toddler started playing a game a while ago where he points at dad and says “you’re [toddler]. I’m Dada” and then they roleplay being each other. I gotta say. the schadenfreude, the absolute satisfaction, when toddler says “eat your hot dog” and dad says “no! I want a lot!!” (imitating what the toddler does when he refuses to eat unless he is given a GIANT PILE of food, which he will eat approximately 5% of) and toddler says “you can have this” (exactly what we say to him in this situation) and dad says “I WANT A LOT!!” and the toddler tries to think of a way to convince him and says “EAT IT!!” with visible frustration. exquisite. incredible
Victor Frankenstein: I’ve created life but I refuse to put any effort into helping that life develop. I won’t teach him, love him, or defend him even though I forced him into existence with a fully operational adult brain lol. Peace, bitch.
The Monster: Am Eloquent Baby
Boomers: He’S NOt thE ViCtIM, HE’s tHe MOnsTEr
An ironic parallel considering the idea of “tough love” parenting that plenty of boomers like to use. If they buy into the idea that their kids just have to toughen up and face the real world without guidance or emotional support, I’m sure it does scare them to read a story where someone who wasn’t given any support began to resent their creator and turn on them.
it’s like that post that’s like ‘knowledge is knowing that frankenstein is the doctor; wisdom is knowing that frankenstein is the monster’. like the whole point of the post is that frankenstein’s monster is a victim of viktor frankenstein’s own monstrosity.
mary shelley did not lose her virginity on her mother’s grave just for people to misunderstand her best known work over a century later.
Victor refusing to make the Monster a wife because he was worried they’d breed is such a cop out. Like, you’re cobbling together body parts from charnel houses. You can just not give her any ovaries. You can just spay her like a cat. Why are you this dumb Victor. You’re a doctor.
the implication that victor spend weeks giving the monster a working dick is also extremely weird
Something to remember is that Victor didn’t just give the monster a working dick! He wanted his creation to be made of the best parts of men-it’s why the monster is made up of so many different pieces rather than one fresh corpse, why he’s so large, and why Victor is disappointed that he isn’t beautiful.
So, what does this mean? It means that Victor looked at the dicks of various corpses, testing not only to make sure they work, but also to find what he considered to be the best corpse dick. Does this mean the monster was extremely hung? Or did Victor simply pick the dick that seemed most attractive to him? Did he memorize the appearance of the dicks, or did he line them up to compare?
We’ll never know, because the original story never touches on the subject, and it’s one of the few flaws in Mary Shelley’s work.
I know I started this conversation but I’m so sorry I did
Considering we know who Mary Shelley was spending time around I guarantee this was a CONVERSATION that she actively and adamantly refused to actually include in the text
Well, there is ONE adaptation which includes this very discussion.
I was just scrolling around ao3 and accidentally clicked the “graphic descriptions of violence” warning and then absolutely lost my entire shit imagining the hypothetical person who does that on purpose. imagine the guy who goes on ao3 to read fanfiction of absolutely anything at all as long as it has Graphic Descriptions Of Violence. things he likes in his fanfiction: 1. violence described graphically 2. any other thing, who cares
will it be some guy from Star wars/reader fic that’s 900000 words long? will it be podfic about dark!sesame Street characters? will it be pwp drabbles of kpop men? IT DOESNT MATTER HE DOESNT CARE. HE WANTS HIS VIOLENCE, GRAPHICALLY, AND HE WANTS IT NOW
you guys don’t understand, it is CRUCIAL to the conception of this guy that he has absolutely NO other requirements for his fanfiction. i don’t think any of you are this guy. you might be this guy adjacent. but clicking on a specific tag like a kink or like hurt/comfort? is normal. this guy isn’t doing that. he’s specifically going into Graphic Depictions Of Violence and just methodically reading through everything there and enjoying all of it equally
I realise that this is an unbelievably pedantic complaint but classic who didn’t film in quarries in Wales lmao. It didn’t become a BBC Wales production until 2005, prior to that it was shot out of London. The quarries were all in the south of England. 👍
I’m sure you’re right but in the nicest possible way. This energy:
I’m sure you’re right but
in the nicest possible
way. This energy:
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
>First, we’ve discovered that about a quarter of all the internet connection in or out of the house were ad related. In a few hours, that’s about 10,000 out of 40,000 processed.
>We also discovered that every link on Twitter was blocked. This was solved by whitelisting the https://t.co domain.
>Once out browsing the Web, everything is loading pretty much instantly. It turns out most of that Page Loading malarkey we’ve been accustomed to is related to sites running auctions to sell Ad space to show you before the page loads. All gone now.
>We then found that the Samsung TV (which I really like) is very fond of yapping all about itself to Samsung HQ. All stopped now. No sign of any breakages in its function, so I’m happy enough with that.
>The primary source of distress came from the habitual Lemmings player in the house, who found they could no longer watch ads to build up their in-app gold. A workaround is being considered for this.
>The next ambition is to advance the Ad blocking so that it seamlessly removed YouTube Ads. This is the subject of ongoing research, and tinkering continues. All in all, a very successful experiment.
>Certainly this exceeds my equivalent childhood project of disassembling and assembling our rotary dial telephone. A project whose only utility was finding out how to make the phone ring when nobody was calling.
>Can confirm, after small tests, that RTÉ Player ads are now gone and the player on the phone is now just delivering swift, ad free streams at first click.
>Some queries along the lines of “Are you not stealing the internet?” Firstly, this is my network, so I may set it up as I please (or, you know, my son can do it and I can give him a stupid thumbs up in response). But there is a wider question, based on the ads=internet model.
>I’m afraid I passed the You Wouldn’t Download A Car point back when I first installed ad-blocking plug-ins on a browser. But consider my chatty TV. Individual consumer choice is not the method of addressing pervasive commercial surveillance.
>Should I feel morally obliged not to mute the TV when the ads come on? No, this is a standing tension- a clash of interests. But I think my interest in my family not being under intrusive or covert surveillance at home is superior to the ad company’s wish to profile them.
>Aside: 24 hours of Pi Hole stats suggests that Samsung TVs are very chatty. 14,170 chats a day.
>YouTube blocking seems difficult, as the ads usually come from the same domain as the videos. Haven’t tried it, but all of the content can also be delivered from a no-cookies version of the YouTube domain, which doesn’t have the ads. I have asked my son to poke at that idea.
reblogging for study later AND to spread the info.
Seriously, get and run PiHole if you can. It changes your internet experience so much for the better. I get shocked when I visit a website when I’m someone else’s network, by just how many ads the internet is flooded with now. Take back control.
The only example of straight oppression is the fact that Amsterdam for straight people is associated with the red light district where generally straight men can pay for sex with beautiful European women. However, for gay people, Amsterdam has a legal gay cruising, clothing optional section of a park where gay men can have sex for free in public.
our top scientists have discovered one good thing about the netherlands
our bottom scientists have verified these findings
