teaboot:

regexkind:

kwarrtz:

regexkind:

I could strip the flesh from a cow in 30 seconds too just give me some 30% peroxide and some sulfuric acid. Piranhas are not special

> tries to one up piranhas

> uses piranha solution

curious

screaming and crying and throwing up because I just wanted to be a hater and I can’t even do that right

ALT

Okay this is extremely funny

detectivehole:

this is what i sent

this is what i got

utopians:

Oh shittttt I forgot this was my one wild and precious life

hareofhrair:

vamptits:

vamptits:

I can’t keep having the same conversations about love languages, mbti, iq, bmi, “brain fully formed at 25” and shit over and over again…

these things exist on a spectrum from untrue to straightforwardly racist btw. so if we could retire them forever that’d be nice.

“Love Languages” are just common couples therapy techniques mangled and repackaged by an unqualified homophobe. Relationships generally need all 5 love languages to be fulfilled, which is to say, everybody needs to communicate with, spend time with, and do things for their partners, and that’s got nothing to do with any special way you communicate affection.

MBTI has been proven completely ineffective at predicting anyone’s success at a particular job, and half the people who take it twice will get different results. Reputable psychologists do not recognize it, and the company that owns the rights to it uses it to scam people. People don’t adhere to strict binaries in basically anything. Very few people are going to be exclusively introverted or extroverted. It’s just astrology repackaged as pseudoscience. Shockingly enough, you can’t boil the complexity of the human experience down to a dozen Types of Guy.

The concept of IQ is flawed from the start— “intelligence” is an abstract concept that encompasses many different skills, from social intelligence to emotional intelligence to the very narrow kind of problem solving intelligence IQ tests generally measure for. It cannot predict how fast you learn, how much you know, or how logical and well read you are. It mostly measures how good you are at solving puzzles. Coincidentally, it’s also a pretty good predictor of income and education level, take a guess why. Most people’s IQ will change throughout their lives, because it’s inconsistent bullshit we’ve only held onto this long because we’re still kinda hoping we can breed the ubermensch. IQ tests and the way they attempt to categorize people are explicitly eugenicist and racist.

BMI was developed by a man known as the grandfather of eugenics, who first of all was a mathematician, not a doctor, and second never intended the formula to be used to categorize individuals. It’s intended to give a rough estimate of obesity in populations, and it’s not even good at that. It hangs around because of fatphobia and insurance companies who want it as an excuse to charge fat people more.

The study which determined people’s prefrontal cortex was still developing at 25… stopped measuring at 25. Evidence suggests your brain probably never stops developing. Stop infantilizing grown adults. This is a branch off from the larger mess of misinformation surrounding fMRIs.

If you haven’t put together what all these things have in common yet, here’s the moral of the story: STOP TRYING TO CATEGORIZE PEOPLE. STOP TRYING TO PUT PEOPLE IN A GODDAMN BIOLOGICAL HIERARCHY. EUGENICS IS BAD, AND WILL ALWAYS BE BAD, NO MATTER WHO’S DOING IT.

pointnclickadventuregame:

garfieldtaxidermy:

garfieldtaxidermy:

garfieldtaxidermy:

garfieldtaxidermy:

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

Turn to page 14 to climb into the clowns jaws.

Turn to page 6 to turn around and walk away.

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

disgustinggf:

thank you for not giving me any attention i am now obsessed with you

k9effect:

Want to hear something funny? Akinator would have been called AI if it was released today. None of this “AI” bullshit is actually anything intelligent. It’s programs and algorithms and computer mimicry. It learns nothing. Chatgpt and openai and midjourney are just Akinator. The term “AI” is just a marketting ploy thats working painfully well with the people who don’t understand that this tech has been around and in use for YEARS. Akinator was relased in 2007. Its just slightly more advanced Akinator tech, but its not anything artificially intelligent. I really wish we’d stop calling it “AI”

barnables:

slow-drowned-angels:

“Do it scared” but please realize that, if you Do It Scared too much and don’t let yourself rest + relax + have fun in between, you will fuck yourself up. If you “do it scared” all day every day, you will burn out badly and quickly. Sometimes this is temporarily necessary but please keep this in mind.

When you “do it scared” eventually you’re supposed to be less scared, eventually doing it scared is supposed to teach you the worst won’t happen, or it won’t be as bad as you think it is, or that the best outcomes are worth it, or you’re more capable than you thought you were. If you do it scared over and over and you’re still scared and you’re always scared, maybe it was never about pushing yourself, maybe something bigger is going on and what you really need is to be kind to yourself while you figure out what that is.

triviallytrue:

blu-ish:

Bro was coping all throughout generations smh

the-haiku-bot:

regalbastard:

shithowdy:

Giant pigeon to loom over New York | CNN

finally some good fucking news

ID: photo of a hyper-realistic pigeon statue. (End)

ID: photo of

a hyper-realistic

pigeon statue. (End)

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

homunculus-argument:

When my boyfriend’s grandfather was sick, he and the family dog had a game - the dog would tap the old man with his paw to ask to be petted. It amused him and wasn’t really harming anyone, so my boyfriend’s mom saw no reason to put a stop to it. Let her old dying father find joy in whatever he still could.

It’s been years now since my boyfriend’s grandfather was blessed into holy ground, but to this day, every time you’re within reach and the dog wants attention, he’ll just walk up to you and

myrthrilmercury:

ghost-of-diogenes:

funniest lines of dialogue on television

Same vibe.

aquilacalvitium:

frankenfran:

frankenfran:

realtalk: i can’t wait for AI to get better to the point where you can have a legit conversation with your computer or phone just for the heck of it
imagine how innocent they’d be, and like they don’t know what swearing is until you teach them then they go overboard with it like a child and hhHHHG

For those without timestamps the original post was made in 2014

dashcon-two:

decrepit-in-the-dark:

Dear Mr. Tumblr,

Hi! One of your loyal followers, here to warn you of an omen- this Tumblr Community thing is going to go horribly wrong.

There will be Dashcon 2.

You cannot let them be too organized.

but what if we were ✨anyway✨

naidje:

y'all need to stop being weird about people’s ages. The sooner you stop thinking of people over 30 as some sort of alien species, the better your life will be

depsidase:

deaddriv:

Translated with permission!!

Here’s the author’s Twitter (achu_0u0) and the original post!

Note from author: Wouldn’t it be hard for half-foots to go to the movie theater?

soul-luminnous-eyes:

Bessie Bamber, 1870-1910

Time for bed, 1902, oil on milk glass, 15.2x22.8 cm

fandaniel:

other social media websites im on are like. hawk tuah girl and mr beast are collabing for a festables event. and tumblr is like. here are my top 10 favorite ants

official-nature-posts:

bogleech:

vintagewildlife:

Newborn velvet worm crawling on its mother
By: Raymond A. Mendez
From: Natural History Magazine
1985

Most velvet worms are social by the way and form multi generational packs where the largest females are in charge and share food with all the babies 🙂

Official nature post

coolryptid:

Oh, yeah, cool. One of Bill’s regrets is Ford. I am taking this information very normally.

valtsv:

had a dream last night that i was in a church and there were angel wings pinned to the walls. i touched a pair and realised then that they weren’t made of feathers, but of words - millions of tiny letters overlapping in an imitation of flight, like starling murmurations. when i withdrew my hands the letters had been burned into my skin. they were far too small to read with my naked eyes, but knew exactly what they said somehow, nonetheless.

speedruntechnically:

Do you ever think about how actually insane roadside billboards are? Like driving a car is incredibly dangerous and there are a ton of laws meant to keep people focused on driving and not other distractions. But billboards are fine. It’s okay to look away from the road if you’re looking at an ad. That’s fucked

rockshitty:

viejospellejos:

Reblog si este cono patina mejor que tú

Damn cony hawk

systemdeez:

systemdeez:

Completely inactionable fetishes are so funny to me. “I wanna be a robot girl and I want you to install a virus on me.” Like okay good luck with that.

I can’t believe this post is over a year old already. I’m into catboys now so I’m not really in a position to judge.

prisonhannibal:

when people are like “oh so you’re just gonna judge someone for their political beliefs?” yes actually. I think someone’s values and opinions is a pretty reasonable thing to judge them for.

scp-threats-is-back:

fancyfade:

Made a chart for sorting fantheories

ALT

Everything about Sans is at an extreme and is never in between

nonepronounwithleftboy:

defilerwyrm:

welpjesuisla:

everythingfox:

Did not see a single one of those coming

a. an object reminder that humans are very unusual in being able to anticipate rhythm b. also funny af

@buglicorice chat orange

samimarkart:

yellow spotted isopod for invertober on Instagram !

The existence of “syscourse” is just…

Did you learn nothing from the cautionary tale that is the entirety of modern history?

Absolutely nothing???

aveloka-draws:

13 Underwater

batgirlteeth:

batgirlteeth:

hey, trans girl whos looking to be more social! self-deprecation wont make u more relatable and funny i assure you! if you want people to like you, theyll be drawn to the qualities you like about urself! and you dont have to apologise for you presence anymore babe, youre allowed to be here. people will want you around if you want to be around yourself. youve gotta be your own best friend

hey if your first instinct is to say that this is wrong and youre not worthy of love at all, this post is aimed directly at you. continuing to self-deprecate in a public forum isnt going to make you feel better in the short term or the long term, its just going to make it even harder to pull yourself out. say something nice about yourself for me okay? no matter how small

quinn-of-aebradore:

solarcat:

laughterkey:

lemonsharks:

yemite:

sarah531:

The other day I had a really good idea for a story:

A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group think it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-

-then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other

#it would be better if somehow EVERY OTHER SHAKESPEARE WAS HAPPENING AT ONCE#like you got a benedict and beatice b-story#and then somebody see’s their dad’s ghost#and there’s cross-dressing#and three upperclassmen tell macbeth he will be drama club president

oh my god I need this

nobody dies but SEVEN PEOPLE ARE EXPELLED

Exit stage left, pursued by the school mascot

(They are, of course, the Bears)

Anytime you’ve got one of those hallway shots you see and hear Hamlet ranting about his latest family drama to an exhausted Horatio

computerdeathdream:

new room decoration :D

telomeke:

my-little-bologna:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

What hole does this shape go in?

the square hole

the rectangle hole

the semi circle hole

the circle hole

the triangle hole

the arch hole

See Results

People who have not seen the video and are voting in each one getting progressively more and more confused as to why the square hole keeps winning like

[ID text–

The first image shows a square toy block in front of a shape sorter toy (the kind with an array of differently-shaped openings, through which children are supposed to slot the appropriately-shaped toy blocks whose 2D silhouettes match the openings’). The second image shows a rectangular toy block in front of the same shape sorter toy. The third image shows a semi-circular toy block in front of the same shape sorter toy. The fourth image shows a circular toy block in front of the same shape sorter toy. The fifth image shows a triangular toy block in front of the same shape sorter toy. The sixth image shows an arch-shaped toy block in front of the same shape sorter toy.

The seventh image is a screenshot of a tag, that reads: #very clear in the results whos seen the video.

The eighth image is a screenshot of a distressed-looking Alison Burke, who posted a TikTok reaction video showing herself getting more and more distressed watching the original shape sorter video, that showed someone slotting each toy block, regardless of its shape, into the same square hole.

All the Tumblr polls accompanying the first six images show the square hole winning, regardless of the block shape.

End ID.]

The reaction video is linked here:

happy anniversary to this reaction vieo i made thinking no one would see it @brock1137 #onthisday #fyp #foryou #meme #square #squarehole

‌

injuries-in-dust:

kornwulf:

elbiotipo:

That picture of Biden looking at a quantum computer and being unable to grasp the true form of what he’s seeing

To be fair that’s how I would I react too

I do sincerely love that Quantum Computers look exactly like what a 1950’s sci-fi movie prop artist would build if they were told to build something called a “quantum computer”

That’s part of the machine Dr Manhattan made!

mysillycomics:

toskarin:

tumblintuck:

toskarin:

ruining the podcast by finding a way to segue the discussion back into “the text of morrowind strongly implies michael kirkbride holds a conservative stance on the legitimacy of koushitsu” for the fifth time this recording session, for the twentieth time this month

Would it be rude to ask you to explain how

demilypyro:

doubleedgedhead:

foone:

I don’t wear jewelry.

I used to wear jewelry but in like 2000 I was wearing a thin metal chain on my left wrist when I went to turn off a computer. The chain hit the power switch, I felt a ZAP, and the computer turned off, never to power on again. My jewelry got a new black spot, and I had to stop wearing it.

Knowing what I know now, that computer was transphobic.

foldingfittedsheets:

When I was a child I loved pickles. Not a normal amount. I loved pickles so much that my mother had to institute a pickle limit. I have no idea how many pickles it takes to make a very absentee parent set a pickle limit but as I was a child of excess let’s assume I craved an unholy bacchanal of pure pickle madness.

After the Pickle Rationing began I was like a poor wartime child deprived of sweets but the sweets were pickles. I’d piteously beg for more than my daily allotment and when the regime of two pickles a day stayed firmly in place I began to develop a system. A pickle system.

I couldn’t get more pickles. But I could draw out the pickle eating experience to hitherto unknown lengths to wring as much joy from each one as possible. The first pickle I ate in a fairly reasonable manner, if more slowly then a regular pickle experience. The second pickle though. The second pickle resembled the first only in the first bite or so. And then I’d take each bite and carefully chew it. And chew it. And chew it. But never swallow. As it began to lose flavor I would carefully dole nibbles of what was left, each fresh burst of pickleness sparking a fraction of the joy of a real bite. But as long as I was chewing, I was eating a pickle.

I could spend hours chewing. Every infinitesimal bit of flavor was systemically worked out of every shred until I was chewing a pickle adjacent cud every day. It took a while for my mom to figure out why I always seemed to be chewing. It could last from lunch to dinner, really, and if I could have saved my disgusting facsimile to resume chewing after dinner I would have.

My mom tried to ban this behavior but ran into my overwhelming stubbornness and autism. I would not be swayed. If there were not more pickles then I would insist on this perverse charade of getting to enjoy them for as long as I could torture their spirits with my mouth.

So my mom lifted the Pickle Ration and I ate myself sick for a week and never mummified a pickle in my mouth again.

positively-knotted:

proof-by-intimidation:

Pseudo-, quasi-, weak-, semi- and recently came across phantom-

Mathematician’s way of saying something is kind of like something.

Not to forget exotic- and fake-, although not usually hyphenated

lastoneout:

I love the phrase “die badly” ‘cuz like usually it’s understood that dying in of itself is bad but nah saying “I died badly” implies that my death was just really fucking graceless and pathetic. Like an absolute bummer for everyone involved. A solid 1.5/5 stars. Wasn’t even worth witnessing or talking about, everyone left disappointed, even the people who are into death couldn’t get anything out of this. Really fucked it up on my way out, you know? One last massive L for the road. Such a good concept, I love language.

beawritingbooks:

Here is how I explained asexuality to my mother:

*

My Mom: What exactly is asexual?

Me: It means that I experience little to no sexual attraction.

My Mom: I just don’t understand that. You thought [name redacted] was cute.

Me: I still think [name redacted] is cute. I just don’t experience any sexual attraction towards them.

My Mom: That doesn’t make any sense to me.

Me: Well, I can recognize when someone is ugly, cute, uniquely hot, and when they are considered sexy, but I still don’t experience sexual attraction to any of them.

My Mom: I’m not saying that you don’t feel this way, or that I don’t believe you, but how could that be possible?

Me: Okay, so, let’s say that I have 4 pairs of shoes in front of me. The first pair are crocs, the second pair are ballet flats, the third pair are those chunky spice girls platform sandals, and the fourth pair are red stilettos.

My Mom: Okay…

Me: Now, I would classify the crocs as an ugly shoe. Do you agree?

My Mom: Yes.

Me: I would classify the ballet flats as cute.

My Mom: So would I.

Me: I would classify the platform sandals as ugly-hot. I know you hate them, but they call to me, and I still love them to this day. Does that make sense?

My Mom: *laughing* Yes.

Me: Lastly, I would classify the red stilettos as hot and/or sexy. Like, that’s a sexy shoe.

My Mom: Absolutely!

Me: Okay, now, even though I can recognize that these shoes have varying degrees of attractiveness, I do NOT want to fuck the shoes…and that is also how I feel about people.

My Mom: Ooohhhh, that makes way more sense to me. I get it now. Well, I don’t “get it,” because I’m straight, but I understand what you mean.

*

Basically, this is how I felt trying to explain things: