junglejim4322:

goofstep:

lakevida:

just saw someone say they were “hyperfixated” on cooking with seasonal squash i love that nothing means anything

i’m seriously traumadumping pepper all over these boiled eggs

I’m gaslighting my stove

amagicalmoonlight:

fuzzypuppybuddie:

fuzzypuppybuddie:

It’s everywhere

There’s also it’s more ‘diverse’ fandom twin

[ID 1: drawing of four non-descript characters smiling lined up, three of them have pale skin while one has brown skin and a more mischievous expression, the characters has text pointed to them reading “that one character that gets the melanin because they’re angry/agressive” End ID]

[ID 2: drawing of four non-descript characters lined up, three of them have varied brown skin and expressions while one has pale skin and a more calm smile, the characters has text pointed to them reading “that one character that gets less of the melanin because they’re passive/calm/fancier” End ID]

bnyrbt:

me: *is jokingly mean to my friend*

friend: *jokingly pretends to be hurt*

me:

ALT

parentheses-posts:

seven-oh-four:

) <- super parenthesis. reblog to close all parentheticals you opened and forgot to close in your life and return to equilibrium

This post has 1 closing super parenthesis. Legend speaks of its evil counterpart…

wynsvre:

hi this is a comic about me please be nice

bloodyraremedium:

czesca:

boothefanficeater:

Not a single thought behind those eyes

curioscurio:

thyrell:

radiofreederry:

Gays rule

lmao

:

ato-cipher:

⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ .　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　✦ 　　　　　,　　　　　　　.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　.
.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*
　　　　　⠀　　　　⠀　　,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　　⠀　　　⠀.　
　　˚　　　⠀　⠀  　　,　　　　　　.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　　　*⠀　　⠀  　　　　　⠀✦⠀　
　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　.　　　　.　　　⠀

　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　　　　
　　　˚　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.
　.⠀　　⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀,
　　　*　　⠀.
　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　⠀✦
　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*
.⠀ 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　.
　　　　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　    　　　　　　　　.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　⠀⠀⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀　　　　　　　　　　　　　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀✦⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ .　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　✦ 　　　　　,　　　　　　　.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　.
.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*
　　　　　⠀　　　　⠀　　,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　　⠀　　　⠀.　
　　˚　　　⠀　⠀  　　,　　　　　　.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　　　*⠀　　⠀  　　　　　⠀✦⠀　
　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　.　　　　.　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　.
　　　　　　　
　　　˚　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.
　.⠀　⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀‍⠀,
　　　　　✦⠀　   　　　

color stars generator

depsidase:

depsidase:

aidenbabiden:

cannibalchicken:

He’s 1 now ‼️‼️

Good on him now he can pay rent and bill

real-british-empire:

constance-mcentee:

ozi-uwu:

wafflebloggies:

the-greentext-guy:

aw i found the sequel!! ;U;

A actual fucking hero dude

I’m tempted to say, “Not all heroes wear capes,” but I get the impression this Fine Fellow probably owns more than one.

I love this so fucking much.

catcrumb:

ALT

klapollo:

beaft:

beaft:

do genuinely find it fascinating how indeed.com is like the biggest job-hunting website out there and yet manages to be profoundly useless in every possible way

i apply for a job. i never hear back.

i search for “entry level jobs”. i am shown listings for things like “military intelligence officer”, “senior veterinary surgeon”, and “forklift engineer”.

i search for “jobs in bookselling”. i am told that there are 9 bookselling jobs in my area. when i read the listings, 8 of these 9 jobs are care assistant roles and the 9th is a pyramid scheme.

i search for “jobs within 5 miles of my location”. i am shown jobs that are on the other side of the country.

i type in “proofreading”. i am shown listings for “ai training”.

i search “creative industry jobs”. half the listings are for finance companies and the other half require a degree in data science.

i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” the linked job requires a degree that i do not have and 5 years of experience in a field that i know nothing about. the email does not explain why this opportunity would be “a great match”.

i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” underneath, in the body of the emaill, it warns me that i will not be able to apply for the job it has sent me because i do not meet the criteria.

i apply for a job with a temp agency. i never hear back. 2 weeks later the agency website goes down and never comes back up again.

i apply for a job. 6 months later i get a stock email telling me my application has been unsuccessful.

i apply for a job. i never hear back.

indeed (and most job sites) absolutely suck but im a veteran of their bullshit so here are the tips i can offer to you

• take advantage of indeed’s tools and configurations. i know this sounds condescending but theyre easy to miss. when you search for a job, you can make a pre-set configuration of job search filters on the top of the UI for a search. this allows you to edit for location, how much it pays, education required, etc. indeed will save this configuration and you can just click on it every time you go
• indeed also allows you to completely remove a company from results. this is very useful for the “ai training” listings, which spam up editorial jobs at any level. click the three dot button on the job listing, then “not interested” on browser, or the thumbs down icon on mobile. this will give you the option to completely remove that company from future searches. you can also hide specific job titles and pay rates.
• MAKE SURE YOUR RESUME IS ATS OPTIMIZED. I cannot stress this enough. ATS is the automated system most companies use to parse resumes and sift through hundreds of apps. if it’s not able to parse, you’ll get auto rejected nearly every time – this happened to me for weeks before i changed mine. Try to keep it to one page and keep it plain if you’re not a designer. Resume dot com has ATS-friendly templates you can use for free.
• Make your resume bullets achievement-focused and use numbers. Don’t just say what you did. Say what you accomplished. Instead of “Managed morning shift at Kroeger,” put “Managed 12 cashiers in a fast-paced retail environment.” Instead of “drove delivery trucks,” write “Drove over 30 daily deliveries across three states.” Use whatever resources you have at your disposal to punch up what you did. Brag a little. “Was named employee of the month for June 2023 through August 2023,” “Turned around [x number] of deliverables in [time] for [project].” This is probably the biggest mistake people make with resumes.
• Have a cover letter template that you can easily tweak for your desired job. Lots of places will ignore your app without a cover letter, but they’re time-consuming and annoying extra work – in my experience, slightly tweaking a standard template will do just fine and save you energy.
• don’t bother with the indeed emails theyre bullshit, just unsub lol

again, I hope this doesn’t sound condescending – I say this stuff because I made all of these exact mistakes a billion times before other people gave me this advice, and it’s worked wonders for me. I hope it helps, sincerely.

klapollo:

beaft:

beaft:

do genuinely find it fascinating how indeed.com is like the biggest job-hunting website out there and yet manages to be profoundly useless in every possible way

i apply for a job. i never hear back.

i search for “entry level jobs”. i am shown listings for things like “military intelligence officer”, “senior veterinary surgeon”, and “forklift engineer”.

i search for “jobs in bookselling”. i am told that there are 9 bookselling jobs in my area. when i read the listings, 8 of these 9 jobs are care assistant roles and the 9th is a pyramid scheme.

i search for “jobs within 5 miles of my location”. i am shown jobs that are on the other side of the country.

i type in “proofreading”. i am shown listings for “ai training”.

i search “creative industry jobs”. half the listings are for finance companies and the other half require a degree in data science.

i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” the linked job requires a degree that i do not have and 5 years of experience in a field that i know nothing about. the email does not explain why this opportunity would be “a great match”.

i receive an email. “based on your profile, indeed thought you would be a great match for this opportunity!” underneath, in the body of the emaill, it warns me that i will not be able to apply for the job it has sent me because i do not meet the criteria.

i apply for a job with a temp agency. i never hear back. 2 weeks later the agency website goes down and never comes back up again.

i apply for a job. 6 months later i get a stock email telling me my application has been unsuccessful.

i apply for a job. i never hear back.

indeed (and most job sites) absolutely suck but im a veteran of their bullshit so here are the tips i can offer to you

• take advantage of indeed’s tools and configurations. i know this sounds condescending but theyre easy to miss. when you search for a job, you can make a pre-set configuration of job search filters on the top of the UI for a search. this allows you to edit for location, how much it pays, education required, etc. indeed will save this configuration and you can just click on it every time you go
• indeed also allows you to completely remove a company from results. this is very useful for the “ai training” listings, which spam up editorial jobs at any level. click the three dot button on the job listing, then “not interested” on browser, or the thumbs down icon on mobile. this will give you the option to completely remove that company from future searches. you can also hide specific job titles and pay rates.
• MAKE SURE YOUR RESUME IS ATS OPTIMIZED. I cannot stress this enough. ATS is the automated system most companies use to parse resumes and sift through hundreds of apps. if it’s not able to parse, you’ll get auto rejected nearly every time – this happened to me for weeks before i changed mine. Try to keep it to one page and keep it plain if you’re not a designer. Resume dot com has ATS-friendly templates you can use for free.
• Make your resume bullets achievement-focused and use numbers. Don’t just say what you did. Say what you accomplished. Instead of “Managed morning shift at Kroeger,” put “Managed 12 cashiers in a fast-paced retail environment.” Instead of “drove delivery trucks,” write “Drove over 30 daily deliveries across three states.” Use whatever resources you have at your disposal to punch up what you did. Brag a little. “Was named employee of the month for June 2023 through August 2023,” “Turned around [x number] of deliverables in [time] for [project].” This is probably the biggest mistake people make with resumes.
• Have a cover letter template that you can easily tweak for your desired job. Lots of places will ignore your app without a cover letter, but they’re time-consuming and annoying extra work – in my experience, slightly tweaking a standard template will do just fine and save you energy.
• don’t bother with the indeed emails theyre bullshit, just unsub lol

again, I hope this doesn’t sound condescending – I say this stuff because I made all of these exact mistakes a billion times before other people gave me this advice, and it’s worked wonders for me. I hope it helps, sincerely.

3000s:

3000s:

3000s:

remember that interviews are not about giving a good and honest first impression that they’ll carefully consider. interviews are about saying the special words and phrases they’re looking for that give you points and when they tally those up whoever earned the most job points wins

they don’t want to “know you” they want you to walk in there and regurgitate everything the job description said

isnt even a joke btw if you’re autistic and/or unemployed and nobody taught you this yet i’m really sorry

transmisogynistic:

freekentuckythinker:

whydidisavethistomyphone:

Elon’s being weird again. Threatening everyone on twitter for calling his weird friends weird.

Nobody is more weird than weirdo Elon Musk!

ramavoite:

scarf-it-box:

lux-in-the-night:

This what not what i was expected from the comments-

depsidase:

leofrith:

some of y'all really need to re-examine what the word racist means because it’s not always just “loud and proud white supremacist intentionally causing harm”. sometimes it’s “otherwise ‘nice’ person acting on internalized racial biases that they refuse to examine”.

like my god the second “racist” gets dropped in a conversation some of you completely shut down under the weight of all your white fragility and refuse to listen to or act upon any criticism of your harmful actions, however intentional or unconscious they may be, and it’s honestly pathetic. grow the hell up. learn to be uncomfortable in discussions about racism or you’re never going to become better.

edwin-paynes-bowtie:

moniquill:

dead-dyke:

You wrote about murder?? Murder is illegal?? You wrote about this dude killing someone and you didn’t even say ‘murder is bad’ at the start of the book, wht wtf, wtf is wrong with you? I can’t believe you condone murder, I can’t believe you’re pro murber, oh my fucking God don'ttalk to me when ou literally kill people, freak. I’m calling the cops, what the fuck, I’m shaking and crying.

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

Dan and Phil got sponsored by Lunchly and I cried.

On that note! Rosanna Pansino tried out Lunchly for a video and the first box she opened, the cheese was completely moldy.

ALT

View on Twitter

ur-daily-inspiration:

daily-spooky:

lesbinewren:

lesbinewren:

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

“ikr i only use it for-“ whatever you use chatgpt for is also embarrassing. you do not need the plagiarism machine that lies and evaporates water for anything actually

caxycreations:

anexperimentallife:

This isn’t very hard when you know some of the most genius strategies in human history were incredibly stupid, circumstantial events that led to victory by sheer luck of that strategy working.

Case in point: Tsun Zu’s rival defended a city with 10 men against Tsun’s army of hundreds by disarming his own soldiers, dressing them in plain clothes, INVITING Tsun’s army to come in, and it only worked because Tsun knew the guy was an ambush master and thought “if we attack the city he’s inviting us into, we will die.” and left without even trying ON THE BASIS OF HIS RIVAL’S REPUTATION AND NOTHING MORE

Another example: Tsun Zu, on being told his soliders were out of arrows during a battle against a city across a river from them, had his men craft scarecrows, put them on a boat, send it out on a line, leave it there for half an hour, then pull it back in and used the arrows the enemy had fired at the boat to restock their own ammunition. It only worked because it was foggy and the enemy couldn’t tell the difference between the scarecrows and actual soldiers.

Stupid things like that work INCREDIBLY WELL if the circumstances favor them, so you really don’t need to come up with some multi-layered, Shikamaru-esque strategy. You just need to come up with a strategy you like for the characters involved, then write the circumstances (weather, environment, individuals involved) to favor it enough that it works.

nudityandnerdery:

Once again, reality won’t let The Onion remain as satire.

whitingfishbites:

catchymemes:

One of the oldest memes will be forever timeless

aurorawest:

thekijs:

bananonbinary:

bananonbinary:

“oh no we need to practice for our fake dating” is the funniest trope to me cause like. there are so many people who force themselves into a shitty relationship they hate just because of amatonormatiivity that it’s an ingrained part of popular culture to joke about hating your partner.

which is to say, oh my god you dont need to hold hands and go on fake dates, you don’t even need to agree on a single detail of your cover story beforehand. you can literally stand 6 feet apart at all times and look profoundly uncomfortable and all anyone will think is “yikes™. not my problem”

actually people should address this in fanfic more because “i know we could half-ass it, but i would never fake mistreat my fake husband, how dare you” is absolutely delightful

New trope: fake dating for spite.

“Look, my only goal here is for our pretend relationship to be demonstrably healthier than Aunt Rita and Uncle Carl’s fifteen year, three child marriage - which means the bar is so low we probably can’t fuck this up”

preserving @river-gale’s tags for posterity because yes. yes. this is it. you get it.

sugary-veins:

you and I

whatcoloristhatcat:

haaaaaarper:

peaches update: she sits like this now

black tortoiseshell with high white spotting (calico)

fireball-me:

Effeminate dentist: You need to brush more on your gums– hold on why am I “effeminate?” What? I’m literally just a normal dentist. A masculine one, even.

Me: (struggling to speak through the dentist’s fingers) youw weren’t shupposhed to shee that

darcylindbergh:

ramshacklefey:

quasi-normalcy:

I know that a lot of you are banking on having little to do with your nephews/neices as children and then becoming their “cool aunt” once they become teenagers, but I think that you will find, upon analysis, that a random middle-aged woman stepping into a whole-ass teenager’s life and arbitrarily declaring herself to be a “cool aunt” is, in fact, the least cool thing it’s possible to do.

How to Actually Be a Cool Adult for a Kid:

1. Be a constant part of their life. Show up for birthdays and holidays. Babysit. Go on outings with the family.
2. Listen to them starting when they’re young. Show an interest in what they have to say, even if it’s incomprehensible toddler ramblings, or a ten minute monologue about Paw Patrol. Let them show you their favorite toys. Get excited if they show you art or crafts, and if they give you one, treat it like a museum piece.
3. Treat them like a person. Respect their preferences and bodily autonomy (no demanding hugs). Don’t make fun of them or embarrass them. Engage in actual conversation.
4. Set respectful boundaries, but give them room to explore.
5. Be willing to intervene if another adult is making their life unnecessarily difficult or if other kids are bothering them.
6. Respect the rules and boundaries their parents have set. Yeah, it’s easy to win kudos with kids by letting them have fun that their parents won’t, and yeah, the fact that this isn’t actually your kid means you can be more relaxed in some areas, and have different rules at your house than at home. But most of the time, you will be supporting your siblings in raising their kid, so like. Be respectful of that too.
7. Don’t be a snitch if you don’t have to. If you catch the kids playing a forbidden game, or teasing one of the niblings at Thanksgiving dinner, you don’t need to make it a big production. Be the adult and handle the situation, then let it go.
8. Keep confidence. Goes along with the previous one, but for older kids. If a kid or teen comes to you with a concern or looking for advice, respect their privacy. Don’t tell your sibling about it unless the kid gives you permission to.
9. Accept the fact that teenagers are contrary little shits who usually think grown ups are the most embarrassing entities in existence. They may not want to hang out with you. They may find it embarrassing if you share their interests.
10. Remember that even if you end up being the kid’s friend, you are still also one of their adults. You have responsibilities to a kid if you want to be a big part of their life, in a way you wouldn’t automatically have with another adult.
11. Don’t try to be the cool adult if you are doing it for your own gratification. Be the kid’s friend because you love them and care about their well-being.

agree with all of the above but think it’s worth saying: doing this is not because you are patiently waiting for the kids to turn into teens who will then be cool. kids ARE cool. they are entire people. they love stories and playing games and any kind of arts and crafts and even just going on a walk. they love to be given choices as easy as what movie to watch or whether they want pbj or mac and cheese. they tell corny jokes and ask great questions and they are cool little dudes with cool little interests if you pay enough attention to notice them.

they are just not cool in the same ways you are. so get over yourself. this one isn’t about you.

soberscientistlife:

dead-dyke:

You wrote about murder?? Murder is illegal?? You wrote about this dude killing someone and you didn’t even say ‘murder is bad’ at the start of the book, wht wtf, wtf is wrong with you? I can’t believe you condone murder, I can’t believe you’re pro murber, oh my fucking God don'ttalk to me when ou literally kill people, freak. I’m calling the cops, what the fuck, I’m shaking and crying.