Had a panic attack at work last night and this clerk noticed and he got really close and said “hey look at me, just you and me” and then kept talking like normal and I looked away again and he stopped and more firmly said “look.at.me.” and it made me a lil wet ngl
Yeah this guy blew my back out this morning, follow your dreams everyone
He has decided he’s gonna do a fortnite emote after every time we fuck actually maybe reel your dreams in a little
Everyone’s a critic
Yeah we’ve been dating for a hot minute now and I know a lot more Fortnite dances tho so it turns out gamer IS sexually transmitted
Before you know it you’ll be playing Dungeons and Dragons and “roll to seduce” is going to be a “joke* you’re familiar with.
do y’all remember usernames??? from back when every fuckin website didn’t need your email phone number home address social security number just to join/sign up for something?? when you could make website-specific accounts that weren’t linked to literally anything else??? they tried to boil us like a frog slowly switching to “username/email” and then just asking for your email. but I remember. I remember usernames.
“sorry I stimmed on you during sex” did Mozart apologize for piano concerto no. 21? did michelangelo apologize for seeing the angel in the marble and setting him free,??? pull yourself together
my singing voice is good for showers and mornings in the kitchen and drunken nights and lullabies for babies who need sleep and im okay with this
i think it’s silly to be ashamed of your art because it’s not in a museum and of your voice because it’s not selling out stadiums. there will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do.
Idk why but this hit me really hard and I’ve been staring at it for a couple minutes.
you join a discord video call at the request of your long time mutual and instead of the 23 year old art history student you thought you’d been friends with you are greeted by two dozen middle aged business men huddled around a conference table intently staring at you
“Did you like our text post about the flock of gay seagulls?” one of them shouts, “We thought it was going to do numbers.”
This is funny to me because I’ve literally experienced someone doing it
[ID: It’s me! And then some nonsense edit of a man version of me, with a terfy ramble attached!]
Like you’d think when they need to edit an entire beard and haircut on, and swap out my body to make the point, they’d realize they don’t have a point
terfs rediscovering the ship of theseus but entirely for the purpose of harassment
If you harass a facsimile of a person that is so altered from the original that the traits of the original have all been removed, are you actually harassing that person, or just engaging in an even weirder form of Making Up Someone To Get Mad At? The answer is “lol. lmao.”
where’d his right arm go and what is this piece of cloth
The really cursed part is he doesn’t even look like I did before transition, at all. Nobody in my family looks like that. This apparition of a man is completely invented by some filter.
#they turned you into hussie
Which, of course, is ridiculous, as there is no reasonable comparison to make between, me, and, andrew hussie,
it’s funny, someone said I was “based” for calling the United States a foreign country, but…..that’s just what it is to the rest of the world! like it’s not a radical or provocative word choice, that’s literally just how the majority of people on earth view it
………no, Canada is not culturally an extension of the state. speaking as a Canadian who has travelled both countries, Americans have so many idiosyncrasies and experiences in common, and it makes interacting with them really odd sometimes.
there are huge differences in religion, patriotism, views about the world, political systems, etiquette, schooling, GUNS, city construction, and so on, going into detail on any one of those would be an essay. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an aggrieved Canadian, but we are most definitely a separate country.
[ID: a series of screenshots of hermitcraft members with tweets from @/makeupaguy edited over them. they are as follows:
mumbo jumbo: guy who flirts by saying “id smash your potatoes any time” entirely unaware that this is incredibly unsexy and that they’re called mashed potatoes not smashed potatoes
impulse: guy who gives out candy based on how much they like the children’s costume
scar: guy who wears an increasingly larger hat every time you look away
grian: guy that’s fucked up and evil. this guy >:3
pearl: guy who thinks breaking up with someone means you get to smash each other’s stuff
gem: guy who is never seen without their pet horse even in places where it’s completely impractical for a horse to be
rendog: guy who just grows half a foot on a full moon
doc and ren: guy who’s favorite music genre is royalty free rock [no copyright for streamers]. end ID.]
my bestie uses my necromancer church as a faction in some dnd campaigns he runs which i think is cool and i like hearing about it but the jester necromancer is kind of like a reoccurring character within the campaigns
none of this information is important but it is the context as to why i woke up this morning to see a dnd discord server screenshot of multiple people talking about the desire to fuck the clown and i got to draw this in response
i didn’t wanna reblog this just cos it doesn’t deserve to get seen but:
a) dwarves don’t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them
b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion
c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building
d) goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food
e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies “but if they’re all gay how do they reproduce?” magic rituals motherfucker it’s a fantasy world
f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of “i’m already an outcast, so anything goes”. i don’t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay
g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that “move, i’m gay” video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, they’ll show you the meaning of flaming
bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your player’s handbook
bury me with this post it’s perfect
Goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food.
Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name.
I like this
Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem
Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay?
You can’t argue with the facts.
“Oh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckers™”
1930s news about a trans woman: Well I’ll be curfuffled young Corlotta Jhonson has transformed herself from a dandy into a dame and what a Bombshell she’s become. And How!
1930s news about trans men: Wanted dead or alive this young lady who started wearing trousers, the tomboy terror known only as The Crust is wanted for snorting the President’s personal stash of opium and has slain nearly every senate member in a pistol duel.
I’m a huge fan of the early 1900s/late 1800s Mexican (?) transmasc who would threaten to shoot anybody who called him a girl. Looked like a total badass too. Please somebody know who I’m talking about.
I do know who you’re talking about but can’t remember his name.
His name is Amelio Robles. Just so people have the information ✨
A lot of the reblogs were good but this one stood out to me the most and I agree so much. I can’t take DNIs or the people who use them seriously anymore because they’re either an essay long, they have something really dumb and specific, or people expect you to treat it like the law. Also the culture surrounding them in general is just really toxic. I think in theory and to some extent they can work?? like yeah if its an 18+ account minors SHOULDN’T interact.
The internet will never be able to cater to everyone’s needs and wants. Sometimes DNIs actually will encourage the people on there to purposely interact/troll you. Trust me, the block button will become your best friend once you start using it. It has worked 10x better for me than a DNI list ever did and really helps your mental health. That or y'know, just ignore content/people that upset you.
A lot of the people involved in DNI culture come off as pretentious assholes like the blue character did. And honestly, I’d ignore them too like Pega, nobody wants to hang out with someone whose obsessed with trying to figure out if everyone around them is “evil” and breaking their holy list. God forbid you break one rule in their bible and they will find every possible way to cancel you.
Block. Just use the block button. I don’t know why a lot of people insist on crying and screaming and fighting. Just, let it go. Take a breather, go outside, and relax. Because nobody in the real world acts like this. And for the love of god, just hit the button.
Ok controversial post I know but I do actually get sick of people bringing up 2016 and then not addressing what was actually wrong with the 2016 election. Like you guys are more attached to your Russian bot theory of things when Hillary Clinton fucking won. She fucking won more votes than Trump but Trump got to be the president anyway just like how Bush lost but got to be the president anyway. You can scold and blame leftists all you want but at the end of the day the American people have not chosen a Republican president who wasn’t the incumbent in my lifetime and yet we got passed two of them and none of you who spend all day scolding leftists are doing anything about the thing that actually gives us these fascists. You don’t know your enemy you just want an easy target.
Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week
Drinking spiders??!
You put ice cream in a glass and pour soft drink over it. It creates a thick layer of delicious foam on top of a sweet, creamy drink with ice cream in it.
And yes I did attempt to get a picture by googling “Australia spider” like a fucking moron.
I think that’s called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.
We wouldn’t be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.
I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, it’s exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.
It’s not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.
“average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,
Using “Legalize” as a term to cover up the theft of people’s homes and livelihoods is expected at this point from the NYT. The “free” press is complicit in the manufacturing of consent to not only destroy Gaza, but to also annex the West Bank. Free Palestine.
“corsets are a barbaric painful tool of the patriarchy” says the era with sitting down pants and waist trainers and push up bras and brazilian butt lifts and preventative botox and full coverage foundation and no makeup makeup and full body waxing and and and and
I watched the live action version of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” on Youtube and I was not ready for the utter lack of emotions from the CGI animals.
Nala looking concerned about Simba hiding something about his past, a comparison:
Also, in CGI this song called “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” does not take place at night.
Some ya’ll who are younger need to google Frank Serpico and read about his time in the NYPD and what the cops did to him and attempted to do to him up until the late 90′s. He literally had to go into hiding in Italy and Switzerland and multiple times people tried to kill him. He only came back to America after the mafia (who hated the NYPD a lot, obviously) said “you’re under our protection.”
Damn, NYPD is so bad, Mafia started protecting good cops
if you’re wondering how things are going over on the bird website, Green Day was on New Years Rockin Eve last night and performed American Idiot with the slight line change of saying “not a part of the MAGA agenda” instead of “redneck agenda” and conservatives are FUCKING PISSED talking about “how dare they make it political” because none of them have a single ounce of media literacy
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